Month: November 2018

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I am in the business of asking questions.  My clients will tell you, I ask them A LOT of questions.  

I also ask myself a lot of questions.  Here’s why.

Most of us already have the answers we seek we just need to access them.  Asking yourself great questions is a sure-fire way to get some momentum.

You might wonder “What makes a question a great question?”

Now THAT is a great question!  I’m glad you asked.   

Often times, and especially when we are in a tough situation, we ask questions negatively.  

• A project at work is delayed.  We ask: “Why does this always happen?”
• We get passed up for a promotion.  We ask: “What am I doing wrong?”
• An employee issue arises.  We ask: “Why does everything have to be so difficult?”

Think about what kind of answers are going to come out of the questions above.  Seriously, take a minute and imagine yourself in one of these situations. Ask the question and see what your brain comes up with.   I’ll wait.

Here’s the deal.  Your brain does not care if the question is a good one or not.  It just really likes to make sure the question is answered.

Ok, now try these on instead:

• “What can I do to get this back on track?”
• “What are some ways I can grow & develop my skill set?”
• “What else could I try to make this better?”

Better right?

Our brains are amazingly powerful tools.  Asking it great questions puts it to work for you instead of against you.  

Here’s a question – Want to learn more?  Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session with me.     

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When I was a kid and someone asked me “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I was easily able to answer.  “I want to be a DJ, a veterinarian, or a teacher”.

Let’s just set aside the fact that I had a rather laughable, diverse array of career preferences and focus on the fact that I was able to easily and confidently answer the question.  

When I was laid off, I had to ask myself the same question: “Deneen, what do you want to be?”.  Did I want to do the same thing at another company? Did I want to do something completely different?  I just didn’t know.

I wondered why it was that as a young person I was so sure of what I wanted to be and as an adult I was so unsure.      

I know I am not alone in this.  I have been working with my clients on getting to their dream job.  When I ask them about what that future job is and what it’s like many of them say “I don’t know”.  Often, what that that really means is they don’t dream about the possibilities anymore.

By now, many of us have already achieved many of the big things we once dreamt of.  We may already have the degree, the job, the spouse, the home, and/or the kids. We are cozy, it’s comfy here.  Maybe not ideal, but comfy.

Our lack of dreaming is based in science.  It’s called The Motivational Triad. Our brains drive us to do three things:

• Seek pleasure
• Avoid pain
• Expend the least amount of energy

So when we think about what we want for our future and we come up with “I don’t know” what we are really thinking may sound something like:

“Going back to school means I’ll have to do a lot of work I won’t enjoy doing’

“Applying for that promotion means I might get rejected’

“A career change is going to require time and energy that I don’t have’

Our younger selves just look inside for what interests us.  We do not care what it might take to get to the desired end result.  

Our grown up brains are “more realistic” and we fear the possible obstacles, challenges, expenses, difficulties.

Saying “I don’t know” is a sneaky lie.  It gives our brain an excuse to remain in the status quo of not knowing.  It’s easier and more comfortable. Our brains like easy and comfortable. But, easy and comfortable won’t move us beyond what we have now.  

Do you have some “I don’t knows” you need to work through?   I can help. Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session with me.    

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Think about the  leaders you know that have a welcoming demeanor and great relationships.  Now think about the ones that rule with an iron fist and use the stick way more than the carrot.  

What causes a leader to lead one way or the other?  Or even somewhere in between? What causes you to lead the way you do?

The answer is a simple, but not easy one.  It’s thoughts. Everything we do stems from our thoughts.  

Most of the time we all behave in way that we think will help us get something we do not yet have or allow us to keep something we do not want to lose.

It happens in nature all the time.  A toad will make itself look bigger in order to not get eaten by a predator.  There are birds who use false warning calls in order to keep food all to themselves.    

We can be like the toad thinking “Don’t harm me” or the bird thinking “That’s mine”.  And so we lash out. “Lash out” may look different for each of us – it may show up as anger, worry, frustration, self-pity, or self-doubt.  It may require an extra glass (or three) of wine at night. Or an extra cookie.

The bird and the frog are acting on instinct.  That works for them but, it does not always work for us.  It does not work for us because we often sense fear when we don’t need to.  Animals do not have the privilege of thinking about what they think about. We do.  

The trick is to have a great relationship with ourselves first.  Know ourselves, really know ourselves. Decide on purpose the kind of people we want to be.  Then decide the kind of leader we want to be and choose our actions with intention.

Where do you need to be more intentional today?

Do you want some help figuring that out?  Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session with me.   

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It’s Thanksgiving tomorrow.  My absolute FAVORITE holiday!  I love all the food, friends and family.  Most of all I love the abundant spirit of thankfulness and gratitude.   

Usually when we practice gratitude, we think of things like our families, friends, faith, homes, health and jobs.   These are very worthy things to be thankful for sure!

This year, I am going to keep all of those things on my list AND I am going to practice being grateful in a couple of different ways as well.  I am thinking this is like Gratitude 2.0 – wanna join me?

Gratitude for me
I think we don’t celebrate our own successes nearly enough.  We are really good at criticizing ourselves but we don’t give ourselves the proper credit when we slay a goal or overcome a challenge.  This past January, I started weight training. I had been thinking about it forever. I was sure I was not going to like it. But, I did it anyway.  And guess what?? Turns out I like it! I am grateful that I managed my mind to overcome the doubt. I am grateful that I am taking care of my physical health.  I am grateful I stuck with it. 

Gratitude for something I don’t have yet
Wait?  What? How can I be grateful for something I don’t have yet?  It’s totally possible. Think about the person who just won the lottery.  They see the numbers on the news and they see that they match their ticket.  They don’t have the money yet. In fact, they have at least a dollar less because they bought a ticket.  Yet, they are feeling pretty grateful I am sure. 

When I work with my clients on their goals, we frequently talk about the goal from a place of it already being done.  I see it in their eyes, their language, their demeanor – that energy and excitement, gratitude. The goal isn’t complete, but they feel the positive energy.      

Right now, I am testing a new coaching program – “How to Get Promoted at Work (Without Working Harder)”.  I am envisioning the pilot going amazingly well!  I imagine getting thorough feedback from my clients and I see my clients getting awesome results.  It feels amazing to look at it this way. I am feeling grateful for the success that is sure to come – for them and for me.  And when I think of it this way, it’s FAR more likely to play out that way.

Your turn!  What’s something about you that you are grateful for?  What’s something you are grateful for that you don’t have yet?

Oh, and there’s still a few spots left if you want to be a part of the “How to Get Promoted at Work (Without Working Harder)” pilot – it’s FREE!  Click here to apply.    

Do you want to get promoted at work?  Make more money? Take on new challenges?  

You want this, yet it seems impossible because there’s no opportunities in your department.  Or, you don’t have the right credentials, education or experience. Or, senior leadership doesn’t take you seriously.  Or, no one recognizes your contributions and potential. Or, you don’t have the time or energy to do all that “extra” work necessary to get promoted.   

Whatever the reason is.  I can help you.    

I am a certified coach specializing in Leadership Development.  I spent 20 years in corporate. I hired, trained, managed and developed leaders.  I hired a lot of people. I passed up hiring many more. I know why people don’t get the job. 

Consider, for just a moment, the following ideas: 

You do have what it takes to get promoted.  

You can apply for a promotion with confidence.

You do not have to sacrifice work/life balance to get promoted.

It is possible to do what you really want to do and get paid more.    

Maybe you are reading this thinking “Yeah, right”.  You’re not alone, I have heard many employees and clients say the same thing about their dream job.  That’s why I developed my new program “How to Get Promoted at Work (Without Working Harder)”. 

You know you’re capable of more than what you are currently doing.  Let’s work together to make that happen. 

Here is what you can expect from the program: 

• Feeling passionate, purposeful and alive again at work
• Eliminate any monotony, discontent or boredom at work  
• A step-by-step plan to make your career goals come to life
• Lifetime access to all of the tools I share so you can repeat this process again and again!

I know you are probably doubting if this will work. I know you probably have questions. Click here to set up some time to chat about all those doubts and questions – free! No charge, no pressure, no gimmicks. Promise.

(2 minute read time)

Do you embrace failure?  There are TONS of articles, blogs and speakers that tell us we should.  But do you? Really?

If we are honest, most of us would say “No”.  I don’t blame you.

Success feels so much better than failure.  Success feels amazing. It’s kind of addicting really.  

So, we typically end up lowering our expectations of ourselves so we can get more of that amazing feeling of success.  And avoid the awful feeling of failure.

The problem is when we lower our expectations we are also cheating ourselves out of our real dreams.  We fail ahead of time by not even trying. We don’t go after our real passion, our real desires, our moonshot goals.  We either recycle the life we already have or go after smaller, easier goals we believe we can accomplish.

So how do we get out of this horrible habit?

1. Let yourself dream – make a list of your BIG goals, the ones that seem impossible. Pick one.  
2. Make a plan – List all the things that need to happen for you to accomplish the goal.  Put them on your calendar. Commit to honoring these appointments. Don’t fail by not doing them      
3. Define failure – Most of us make our fails mean there is something wrong with us.  Then we give up and beat ourselves up. Decide now what you will tell yourself if your plan doesn’t work.  “I’m learning what doesn’t work” and “I am curious about what will work” are phrases I use often.
4. Keep Going – Do. Not. Quit.     

I love the imagery of a child learning to walk.  They have some EPIC fails in the process of learning to walk.  The very act of falling down and getting back up again is the thing that strengthens their legs so they eventually walk successfully and confidently.  

Need some help failing?  Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session with me.     

“How hard can this be”? That is what I thought when I was promoted to my first leadership position.  I would be the boss, I would have a team, we would have goals, I would divvy up the work and we would get it done right?  How hard can it be?? Oh, to be young and naive again!!

If you are a leader, you know leadership is far more complex.  If it were that easy, almost anyone could do it and do it pretty well.  But, if you have ever had a “bad” boss, or felt like you have been a “bad” boss yourself, you know not everyone leads well all of the time.

One of the things that makes leadership complex is it involves humans.  Our employees, our colleagues, our own bosses – all human. Humans have emotions, dreams, families, goals, desires, hopes and fears.  And so do you. All of these influence how we behave. It can be beautiful and it can certainly be messy.

This blog is dedicated to helping leaders figure out how to simplify those influences, channel them, use them to your advantage and bring life to the aspirations you have for your leadership career.

Need help sorting through the messy part?  Click here to schedule a free, 30-minute coaching session with me