Month: January 2021

(Less than 2 minutes)

You are amazing.  Yes you. The one reading this.  

Did you know that?

Like deep in your bones know it?  Undoubtedly?

Some of us have a glimmer of our worth and yet fear being categorized as “arrogant” so we cloak our confidence in humility.  

Many more don’t know it at all.  The level of their awesomeness is unknown to them.  Instead they question their value or worth.  And, at most, claim themselves to be “average”.      

If that’s you – listen up.  

You.  Are.  Not.  Average.  

Average means typical, expected, in the middle, mediocre.

Mediocre is boring.  

You are not boring. 

You, like the rest of us, were born 100% awesome and worthy.  Don’t worry about being arrogant, you can’t even take credit for this – you were just there.     

And, you certainly weren’t born boring.  That body you walk around in today is rather spectacular. You make 25 million new cells every single second.  Your heart will beat about 100,000 times just today.  That same heart pumps blood through thousands of miles of blood vessels that, if laid end to end, could circle the globe!  And, just like your fingerprint, your tongue print (if you ever took one) would be completely unique to you, unlike any other in the world.  

Now, I’m not suggesting you go lick an ink pad and stamp your tongue to feel unique and special.  But what I am suggesting is that we take a look at what we’ve allowed to degrade our inherent worth.  

Somehow, after we grow up a bit we start to erode our own worth.   We define our worth in comparison to others.  We make it about our accomplishments or lack of them.  We let past mistakes, guilt, and shame factor into the equation.

What if you dropped all that?  What if you believed the truth about how incredible you are?  
Who would you be then?  What could you accomplish or create from a place of sure-footed worthiness?  I bet it would be pretty darn incredible.  I can definitely help.  Click here to chat! 

(2 minute read time)

MLK Day seems even more poignant to me this year.  As I started writing, there was a sense of regret for missing out on the depth of it in years past.  An initial feeling of neglect and thoughts like “I should have known”.

And then I decided guilt and regret aren’t going to change me for the better.    

I decided I knew what I was supposed to know about Dr. King when I knew it.  

I decided that, like he did, I will take something negative and create the opposite.

As a result, I decided that my understanding of the depth of his work, his brilliant mind, should always be an evolution.  A work in progress.     

One of the many misconceptions I’ve had was that King was always so peaceful.  That it was easy for him.  How could he tackle racism and experience grave injustices and not be angry?  

I was wrong.  He was angry and he did wrestle with it.  

Clayborne Carson is the director of Martin Luther King Jr. Research & Education at Stanford University, so I think it’s fair to say he knows a thing or two about the man.  When asked about King and anger, he replied: “I have no doubt that he got mad.  It would surprise me if that were not the case.  There were many things for him to get mad at.” 

If you know my work, you know I teach that Feelings drive our Actions.  Everything we do or do not do is because of an emotion.  Actions taken from an angry place typically are not effective.  (Test me on this, when is the last time you were really PO’d and everything went great?)

So if King was angry, how could he take on an issue like civil rights and get anywhere?  

Because he did not take a swan dive into a pool of anger.  He did not succumb to it or indulge in it. No. Instead, he took charge of his mind.

In his far more eloquent words, he answers the question of managing anger this way:

 “…seek to concentrate on the higher virtue of calmness. You expel a lower vice by concentrating on a higher virtue”  

For sure this is easier said than done, especially when we’re already angry.  But, King knew he could manage negative feelings and create more useful ones with his mind.  He made historical contributions to our world by doing so.    

How about you?  What is your relationship with anger?  Does it get in the way sometimes?  It’s pretty normal – even the greats have wrestled with it sometimes.   

Anger can feel awful.  It can feel uncontrollable.  King proved it doesn’t have to be that way. He proved that anger can be turned into hope.  Into desire and determination.  Into inspiration.   I can help.  Click here to chat!  

(Less than 3 minute read time)

We’re here. 2021 has arrived.  For some of us getting to this point might’ve felt like dragging a ton of bricks across the finish line.  Many looked forward to being able to declare “it’s finally over!”.  The popular sentiment has been to eagerly anticipate the new year and tell 2020 to not let the door hit its bum on the way out. 

So now, here we are, about a week into 2021 and I have to ask, how are you feeling?

Most of what I’ve been hearing lately is “I don’t really feel that different”.  It’s kind of like the day after a birthday, we don’t usually feel older or different.  Or, have you ever been near the end of a big project or goal and expect you’ll feel great when it’s done?  But then that time comes, and it’s not as glorious as you thought… 

I’ve worked with many clients to achieve goals and they’ve been successful – they’ve gotten new careers, achieved degrees, earned promotions. They’ve increased their bank accounts, gone on vacations, purchased homes.  They’ve decreased their pant size, repaired relationships, quit unhealthy habits, and found joy in creating a life beyond what they ever thought possible.     

And yet still, the end of a goal can seem anticlimactic or the joy just doesn’t last very long.  Why is that?  And how do we get to true happiness?

The reason the new year, the new career, the new pant size doesn’t feel amazing forever is because these are simply Circumstances.  They’re just there and have never had the power to make us feel anything.  

Happiness doesn’t come from an external event or object.  All feelings, like happiness, come from our brains.  They’re a reflection of our thoughts.  A new car doesn’t make us happy.  It’s what we think about it that makes us feel happy.  When we no longer think those happy, exciting thoughts about the new car – the happy new car feeling fades.  

It’s the same thing when the clock flipped to 12:00 AM on 01/01/21.  It’s a new year.  That in itself is not a magical thing.  But your Thoughts about this new year COULD make it a magical one.    

This is NOT about getting to be happy all of the time.  Rather, it’s about realizing that because you are in charge of what you think, you also have the authority over your emotions.  You do not have to wait for happiness to show up at your door (it’s not going to anyway).  And, you do not have to live with the effects of whatever emotion you happen to wake up with.     

Instead, you could choose to hang out with me throughout the year and I promise to bring you real, practical solutions. Keep an eye out for new posts every month and together we won’t just take on whatever 2021 has in store. Nope, we will decide what we want in 2021 and we’ll go get it. Consider it done. #20TwentyWon

Oh, and I have a shiny new calendar for you to schedule time for a free chat. We can strategize together about how this all works for you specifically. Let’s do this!