Dealing with anger – what Dr. King knew that most of us don’t

(2 minute read time)

MLK Day seems even more poignant to me this year.  As I started writing, there was a sense of regret for missing out on the depth of it in years past.  An initial feeling of neglect and thoughts like “I should have known”.

And then I decided guilt and regret aren’t going to change me for the better.    

I decided I knew what I was supposed to know about Dr. King when I knew it.  

I decided that, like he did, I will take something negative and create the opposite.

As a result, I decided that my understanding of the depth of his work, his brilliant mind, should always be an evolution.  A work in progress.     

One of the many misconceptions I’ve had was that King was always so peaceful.  That it was easy for him.  How could he tackle racism and experience grave injustices and not be angry?  

I was wrong.  He was angry and he did wrestle with it.  

Clayborne Carson is the director of Martin Luther King Jr. Research & Education at Stanford University, so I think it’s fair to say he knows a thing or two about the man.  When asked about King and anger, he replied: “I have no doubt that he got mad.  It would surprise me if that were not the case.  There were many things for him to get mad at.” 

If you know my work, you know I teach that Feelings drive our Actions.  Everything we do or do not do is because of an emotion.  Actions taken from an angry place typically are not effective.  (Test me on this, when is the last time you were really PO’d and everything went great?)

So if King was angry, how could he take on an issue like civil rights and get anywhere?  

Because he did not take a swan dive into a pool of anger.  He did not succumb to it or indulge in it. No. Instead, he took charge of his mind.

In his far more eloquent words, he answers the question of managing anger this way:

 “…seek to concentrate on the higher virtue of calmness. You expel a lower vice by concentrating on a higher virtue”  

For sure this is easier said than done, especially when we’re already angry.  But, King knew he could manage negative feelings and create more useful ones with his mind.  He made historical contributions to our world by doing so.    

How about you?  What is your relationship with anger?  Does it get in the way sometimes?  It’s pretty normal – even the greats have wrestled with it sometimes.   

Anger can feel awful.  It can feel uncontrollable.  King proved it doesn’t have to be that way. He proved that anger can be turned into hope.  Into desire and determination.  Into inspiration.   I can help.  Click here to chat!