Saying “Yes” to one thing often means saying “No” to another

(<3-minute read time)

Saying “No” is something many of us are challenged with. I see two main reasons why we say “Yes” when we would really rather say “No”.  

#1…. We say “Yes” because we think we SHOULD be able to do it all 

You know who you are…  You think you can or should be able to write a book, get the next degree, raise the kids, start a non-profit, plan a trip to Australia, grow the side-hustle, be president of the PTO, improve your marriage and learn how to make a killer gluten-free lemon meringue pie all while slaying it at your full-time job.    

#2… We say “Yes” because we are trying to manage other’s opinions of us 

“What will they think of me if I tell them ‘No’??” we ask ourselves.  Immediately, perhaps quicker than the conscious allows, we find ourselves saying “Yes” to the request.  We’d rather be overwhelmed with too much to do than be subject to disapproval from someone else.   

Whether we actually want to say “Yes” or not is often secondary to the perceived implications of saying “No”.

Anything you ask of yourself or anything anyone else asks you to do usually involves the expenditure of at least one of two assets – time and/or money.

The problem is you are already spending 100% of both of those assets in your life.  You already spend every single second doing something else – even if that’s time spent sleeping, it’s being spent.  You already spend every penny somewhere else – even if it’s going to savings, it’s already allocated.

This means that when we say “Yes” to one thing we inherently have to to say “No” to something else.   But, we don’t do this consciously. And, as a result, we sometimes end up feeling resentful for “having” to do whatever it is we said yes to.   Or, conversely, we feel guilty if we say “No”.  

One of my dear friends used to tell me all the time that she “hates” asking for help.  When I asked her why she said she just “feels bad asking”. I told her she never has to worry about that with me because I truly do not do anything I do not want to do.  

I’ve said “No” to her and she still loves me.  Nothing bad happened like we sometimes fear when we consider declining a request.   

This doesn’t mean when I say “Yes” there is no trade-off.   Like all of us, my assets of time and money are all 100% accounted for as well.  I know when I say “Yes” to her, or anyone else, I’m saying “Yes” because I want to say “Yes”.  

Most importantly, no matter how I answer the request, I like my reasons for the answer I chose.  And that makes all the difference. It’s much harder to feel resentful or guilty when you like your reasons for your choice.     

She doesn’t tell me how much she dislikes asking for help anymore.  She just asks. I just answer.  

Want to give yourself and those around you the gift of letting your “Yes” be “Yes” and you “No” be “No”?  I gotta tell you, it’s one of the most freeing things I’ve done for my schedule, my sanity and my relationships.  If you want to experience this freedom too I can help. October is almost full, so don’t wait. Click here now for your free 30-minute chat!