Author: Deneen Kipp

(2-minute read time)

On December 31st, 2018 I challenged you to choose a #2019moonshotgoal.  One that was really big and felt impossible at the time. Maybe you’ve met your goal (cheers to you!!!).  Or, maybe you aren’t where you’d like to be with it.

If you’re anything like me then you may be a teensy, weensy bit behind on meeting your goal (read: nowhere near meeting it).  But, I have NOT given up, I’m still highly engaged with my goal and actively working towards it.  Time is short though and I’ve decided that even if I don’t achieve it, 2019 will go down in the books as a success.

There’s so much good that has come out of just the attempt.  To get even as far as I have on my goal I’ve had to do things I’ve never done.  As a result, I’ve gained leadership, networking, technical, communication, coaching, sales, and negotiation skills this year.  I’m more efficient and effective. I’m more self-aware and far more confident.       

Dan Sulivan calls these unintended benefits of BIG goals “strategic byproducts”. Here’s the thing many of us miss about goal setting and goal getting:

Goals are never really about attaining the result. It’s about who we become in the process of going after them. That’s growth, that’s evolution and those strategic byproducts will always belong to us, even after the glory of reaching the goal fades and even if we fall short.             

No matter what we accomplish in 2019, there’s no denying that 2020 is around the corner.  Think about the various areas of your life: career, relationships, finances, health, wellness.  What needs your attention in 2020? Are you willing to give that gift to yourself? If not, what’s holding you back?  Doubt? Fear?

The worst that can happen when we fail to meet a goal is negative emotion(s).  Coincidentally, it’s the presence of negative emotion that holds us back from reaching for it in the first place.  If negativity is going to be there either way – why not shoot for the moon and pick up some life-long strategic byproducts along the way?        

Take moment and envision yourself on this day a year from now.  Pretend it’s December 5th, 2020. The new year, 2021 is on the horizon.  Are you excited about who you’ve become in the past year? If that vision seems unlikely, maybe you can use a hand.  I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.  And, for a limited time, I’m offering a free copy of my new workbook “Goal Getting: Making Success Inevitable” with every discovery session.  This workbook will guide you through setting and getting your 2020 goals. Let’s work together and get to your next!

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The Thanksgiving season is upon us!  It’s my absolute most favorite holiday – good eats, good times with friends and family, plus here in Florida we usually have some gorgeous weather.  Lots to be grateful for!

Despite it being the season where many of us focus on gratitude, I thought it was the perfect time to write about the seemingly opposite emotion, wanting.

Gratitude is defined as “warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful”.  Some will argue that being truly grateful means being totally content with what one already has.   Even the definition above supports this, notice for a moment the word “received” is past tense. The argument here is that wanting is equivalent to lack and lack nullifies gratitude.  

We’re taught to be grateful for what is, not what could be. We’re told gratitude and wanting can not co-exist.          

In contrast, I think we can and should be grateful for something we want that just hasn’t happened yet.   

Wait?  Be grateful while we still want something?  How?  

Glad you asked.  It’s really just a matter of taking your mind to the place where it’s already happened and deciding if it’s something you’d be grateful for.  For example, this holiday season I am traveling from sunny Florida to colder weather. This is not my usual practice – I moved here from NY for a reason!  I do not enjoy cold weather. At all. Most years I don’t go. It’s too cold, I know I won’t enjoy it, I won’t be grateful for the experience, so I don’t go.  And yet, this year I want to go. I want to see my loved ones and just be present with them, even if it’s chilly (ok freezing, but you get my point).             

As I envision that future time with friends and family, I see all the details – who’s there, where we are… I imagine the welcome home hugs, the laughing, the sleeping in, and definitely the eating.  I imagine I probably won’t get to see everyone I’d like to, but the moments with people I do get to see will matter, we will be creating lasting memories.

As I let this image sink in, it becomes more real and gratitude emerges. It’s different than anticipation, it’s an appreciation. An appreciation for family and the holidays. An appreciation for the ability to cultivate loving relationships despite the miles between my family and I. An appreciation for just being able to hit the pause button on daily life and gratefully enter into a different pace.

The trip hasn’t happened, I’m not leaving until next week. I want to go, I am looking forward to going. But, I haven’t yet. Nonetheless, I am feeling extremely grateful for what’s to come. See? Gratitude and wanting can co-exist.     

Wanting doesn’t make us a selfish, ungrateful, thankless human.  Wanting is part of what makes us human. It’s in our nature to grow and evolve.  When we’re little we desire mobility and so without being told we crawl, then cruise, then walk and run.  The same continues throughout our whole life.  

It’s totally natural to desire more, tap our untapped potential, find deeper meaning, level up our lives, have a purpose, and truly SPEND this one life we’ve been given.  It’s an expression of gratitude to get out there and do something with it!    

When we tap into the desires for our life we unleash positive impact in the world.  Unfortunately, when I ask many of my clients what it is they really want, they say “I don’t know”.  That only keeps potential shackled.  

This Thanksgiving, consider dialing it up a notch on the wanting.  I want you to want even more for your amazing life. Not because this life stinks, but because you were made for more.  Not a single one of us is finished growing and evolving. And that’s something to be grateful for.      

Trying to figure out what you really want?  I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.   

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Just over 2 years ago I worked my last day at a company I’d been working at for almost 20 years.  Clearly, it had been a long time since I’d had a “last day” with an organization. I felt like I had grown up there…  And I had. But, it was time for me to move on.  

Had I not been laid off, I wouldn’t be doing the work I’m doing now.  Knowing what I know now, that would’ve been a huge price to pay for the comfort of staying at that company.  But, let’s be honest, most of us do not take the news of a layoff with a light heart – especially around the holidays.   

Although layoffs are down this year compared to last year, they’re still very real.  And it can be a very real challenge when it’s happening to you personally. Common reactions include shock, fear, and anger.  Often the news of a layoff comes when we are not expecting it, then we worry about what we will do and then we get angry that we even have to worry about it.  

Uncommonly, people respond with hope, gratitude, and/or appreciation.  This was the case with my friend who recently received the news of his pending layoff.  He had been with the organization just under a year but the company made it so he would still receive severance benefits.   

What’s the difference between his response and the more common response?  It might be easy to say that my friend was more positive because he was getting severance.  But, I’ve seen layoffs enough to know that doling out severance benefits isn’t what makes most people accepting of the news and hopeful for their future.     

Here’s what actually DOES make people feel positive about a circumstance that would commonly be seen as undesirable…  Their perception.  

If I perceived getting laid off as unfair or unjust then, of course, I will look for evidence to support that – even if I am receiving a severance.  And, as always, we find what we are looking for. All the while not changing the circumstance. 

In my case, I chose to see my lay off as an opportunity for my next.  I’d been thinking about starting my own business for quite some time but could not bring myself to leave the cozy benefits.  Guaranteed paycheck, 6 weeks paid vacation, amazing medical, dental, vision… Not to mention colleagues who became family over the course of the decades I spent there.  Who would leave all that?? I knew what to expect there, it was comfortable.  

Getting laid off pushed me out of my comfort zone.  A push I desperately needed.  

Growth rarely happens in the comfort zone.  Which explains why a former colleague of mine would “lay himself off” every two years.   He would always seek a new position internally or externally every 2 years to make sure he did not stagnate.  He proactively sought change and as a result, he built his skills and made himself ridiculously valuable in the marketplace.  

It’s all about perspective my friends.  And usually, from the perspective of the rear-view mirror, we can see that the challenges we face in life have been things that happen FOR us not TO us.  If hindsight proves time and time again that challenges and discomfort are ultimately beneficial to us, why wait?

Maybe it’s time to think about laying yourself off.  

With the right mindset, leaving our comfort zone isn’t so scary.  We can know even before the discomfort begins that in the end, we will be more than ok.   We’ll be stronger, wiser and have exercised courage. We will have growth and evolution. We will get to our next.

Are you ready for your next?  I can help. Click here now and let’s get started!  

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A few years ago I bought a small 1920’s home that definitely needed some work.  Of course, when I purchased it, I envisioned all the things I could do, what it could become.  Visions of Pinterest wins danced in my head.  

Fast forward to today.  Have I accomplished some of the things I wanted to get done at the house? Yes. Is there more? Definitely. And yet, whenever I consider starting a significant house project I find a reason to not do it.

As I pondered over the loss of momentum on my home improvement projects, I noticed a recurring theme.  A lack of resources – typically time, energy, money.  

This theme of scarcity shows up for most of us in all kinds of circumstances.  In fact, just about anything we do not want to do at the moment can be justifiably dismissed with statements that sound like:  

• “Now just isn’t a good time” 
• “Once I have more…. (time, energy, money, etc.)”
• “I’ll do it when I have less… (stress, demands, etc.)”

We act as if the “perfect time” to start on a goal exists and comes around frequently.  This fantasy land of “perfect timing” is the place where good goals go to die.  

As I became aware of my excuses and justifications I decided to reconsider my thinking on all this house project stuff.  I asked myself this game-changing question: “What if the goal starts now?” Like right now, with the exact amount of resources available to me at this moment.  What if I did not wait for an obstacle-free time? What if overcoming the scarcity – the lack of time, energy, money was actually a PART of the plan?  

When you take charge of whatever it is that is stopping you from going after your dream and reduce it to just a step in the process, it loses it’s stopping power.      

It’s kind of mind-blowing to make the current obstacle simply a part of the plan.  

It’s getting to that time of year where you are either evaluating how you close you are on your 2019 goals and/or considering what 2020 will look like.  Maybe you’re like me and it’s time for both evaluations. Either way, consider re-naming that obstacle that’s in the way. Instead of “obstacle” rename it “part of the plan”.  Renaming it reduces it.  

Want even more help reducing the obstacles in the way of your desired life?  I can help. Now is the perfect time to design 2020 and there aren’t many spots left.  Don’t wait. Click here now and let’s get started!   

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She’s passed on, but I can still hear my grandmother saying “You were given two ears and one mouth for a reason”.  

Anyone else besides me received that nugget of wisdom from someone in their youth?   

It suggests that we should use our ears and mouth in proportion.  Listen more, talk less.  

I agree with the idea that the skill of listening, truly actively listening, is a crucial skill.  One that is essential in all of our relationships – both personally and professionally. It’s a skill that makes a good partner and even better partner, a good friend and even better friend, and a good leader even better leader.

At the same time, I want to offer a reason we should flip this conventional wisdom on its head and do the exact opposite.  I want to give you a reason to talk more and listen less. Daily.

It’s in conversation with ourselves.  

Conscious or not, there’s a narrative going on in your mind.  Your brain is always talking to you.  

It’s often telling you about all of the things that are wrong with you, your career, your relationships, other people, the world.  It’s pointing to the scarcity around you as evidence that these “observations” are “true”. It will tell you there’s not enough – time, money, energy.  It will tell you that you are not enough.  

Brains do this, they’re just trying to protect us.  It’s ok. Nothing has gone wrong.  

Here’s where you have a choice.  You can listen to what it’s offering up and roll with that.  Or, you can talk back to it.  

If we just listen to the original narrative without engaging in a conversation, we succumb to limiting beliefs about ourselves and others.  Our brains need management, direction, and instruction. Here’s a perfect opportunity to flip the script of talking more v. listening more. 

Taking charge of our thoughts & beliefs can be easier said than done.  Without it though, I assure you what’s going on “up there” will always express itself in your results. Perhaps you can use a hand in managing it all? I can definitely help. Click here to chat!  

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It’s not a new idea that if we resist our circumstances we make them more difficult.  We also have known for a long time that once we accept what is we’re well on our way to managing it.  

And yet, when something disturbing happens we don’t jump right to acceptance do we?  

I sure didn’t when I was recently taken aback by a conversation with a random patron at a restaurant.     

I was just sitting there having some dinner, doing some work when another patron sat nearby.  We chatted amiably for a while. And then “it” happened…   

Comments that were so wildly racist they bear no repeating.

I responded kindly and simply stated that was my experiences were completely different.    

He countered with more of the same racist remarks and assured me over time I would come to see it his way.   

I about choked.  I couldn’t eat anymore.  I just got my check, politely said good-bye to him and left.

I spent a lot of time thinking about this afterward.   I felt so many different emotions – anger, sadness, hatred, disappointment, embarrassment, regret.  

Even though these were my natural responses, I know that I don’t have to keep those.  I know I can always choose.  

With the power of choice in hand, I asked myself how do I really want to respond to this?

It was a defining moment, one that as leaders we probably face more often than we realize.     

What I decided is that I do not want to hate this guy for hating other people.  That kind of response just does not make sense. What would it solve?  

If we hate the hate then we are inevitably adding more hate in the world.

People will argue with me on this.  They say: “But Deneen, you have to stand up for what you believe in!” My answer is that standing up for what we believe in doesn’t have to involve anger or hatred.    

Standing up for what we believe in doesn’t necessarily mean being AGAINST anything. 

In the case of my racist restaurant guy, I am not AGAINST him or his beliefs.  Instead, I am FOR him finding peace, love, and acceptance. It’s not too different from the idea of increasing your influence by focusing on what you DO want from them instead of focusing on what you DON’T want.  Note: This may be a good time to take 2-minutes to revisit my Elephants & Influence post on this very subject.     

Need a hand finding a way to be FOR the challenges, obstacles, people and situations in your life?  I can definitely help. Click here to schedule time to chat! Don’t delay – 2019 dates are going fast!

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I’ve been working with a client who is dealing with her organization being acquired.  Some employees at the company are excited, some are apprehensive.

Those that are feeling somewhat concerned are imagining a new work life that is a downgrade in some way.  Most of them can’t even quite put their finger on a specific concern, it’s more of a general angst that this new company won’t be as good as what they have today. If they could have their druthers, they’d keep everything as it was.  

Have you ever been there?   You know the place, the place where the evil you do know is better than the evil you don’t… In this place, the most desirable thing is consistency and you find yourself wishing that the thing that’s happening wasn’t happening.

As she and I worked together I was reminded of the Thought Ladder.  It’s an awesome tool and one of my most popular blog posts.  It’s been a while since I wrote about it, so I thought I would share some tips I’ve picked up since then.    

I won’t repeat the original details, so if you missed it you’ll have to go back and learn the basics by visiting my original post here.  For the rest of us, here are some Thought Ladder 2.0 tips… 

As a reminder, the bottom rung is the thought you desire to change.  It’s the current thought that isn’t serving you. Even if feels true, even if you are right about it, keeping it has no upside. 

The top rung is the thought you would like to believe one day.  It should feel ridiculously far-fetched and unbelievable at this point.  If you are not sure what to put here, you can always just put the opposite of the bottom rung thought.   

The rungs in between are where most of my clients struggle.  How do I come up with something believable??  

• Seek neutrality… Make your statement about the situation as factual and emotionless as possible.  For example, “X company purchased Y company”

• Depersonalize…  “Leaders move to other organizations”  is much more palatable for some than “My favorite boss bolted, maybe I should too”.  On a similar note, another client of mine has had success with this at home by changing her thought about her toddler from “He’s vindictive” to “Kids make messes sometimes”.      

• Slow down, stop trying so hard….  Many of my clients just want to leap to the desired thought.  The goal is just one baby step above the previous thought. It might feel minuscule, but progress is the goal – not perfection.  It doesn’t have to be an amazing thought, it just has to be better.   

• Practice, practice, practice…   Often we just want to move through life, and up the ladder – FAST!  However, the best way to make that happen is to welcome the opportunity to practice the thought on the next rung up.  Stop judging yourself for not being at the top rung and focus on making the next rung believable. I promise, if you really want to change your thinking, life will keep giving you opportunities to practice it   Once it becomes your new automatic response then, and only then, do you move up to the next rung.

If you are wrestling with something you would like to feel better about the Thought Ladder is an amazing tool to help get you there.  Even better is a guide to walk you through it. I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.

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Recently I had the opportunity to speak to a wonderful group of professional women at the lovely Dali museum in downtown St. Petersburg.  I spoke to them about their goals and how to make achieving them inevitable.  As I prepared for that talk, it occurred to me that we often make our goals – and even just our day-to-day life – harder than necessary.

We do it unconsciously.  It’s subtle.  

Here’s how the problem starts.  No matter what we are trying to complete, whether it’s a big goal or just an errand we need to run, our brains predict what the experience will be like.

Typically, most of us will avoid doing anything our brains predict to be hard, difficult, impossible.  We choose things we believe we can accomplish. We predict success.  

In a quiet, sneaky way, we kind of believe that the goal or task should be somewhat easy.  Especially if it’s something in our wheelhouse.  

For example, I have been doing public speaking for around 15 years now.  One would think that after doing anything for that long it could now be done with confidence and poise every time.  But alas, that is not the case.      

Instead, I still feel more doubt than I feel confidence and poise.  Every. Single. Time.

Those doubts often stem from some version of the thought:  “It’s not supposed to be this hard”.  

After all, I have been doing this for so long now.  Why would the doubt still be there???  

The problem lies in believing the experience should be different, better.  The solution lies in accepting what is.  

When we think that something “shouldn’t be this hard” we are actually making it harder than it needs to be.  

When we accept something as it is with all of its challenges and obstacles we let go of resistance.  We can use that energy to overcome the challenge instead of wishing it away. 

Hard is where growth happens.  Just because you are doing something that involves your gifts and talents does not mean it will be easy.  Most worthwhile endeavors aren’t.  

What if you believed your goal, your day, is exactly as hard as it’s supposed to be?  Then what? 

Need a hand getting through something that’s harder than it’s “supposed” to be?  I can help. Just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute chat.  There are just a few spots left for October – don’t delay! 

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Saying “No” is something many of us are challenged with. I see two main reasons why we say “Yes” when we would really rather say “No”.  

#1…. We say “Yes” because we think we SHOULD be able to do it all 

You know who you are…  You think you can or should be able to write a book, get the next degree, raise the kids, start a non-profit, plan a trip to Australia, grow the side-hustle, be president of the PTO, improve your marriage and learn how to make a killer gluten-free lemon meringue pie all while slaying it at your full-time job.    

#2… We say “Yes” because we are trying to manage other’s opinions of us 

“What will they think of me if I tell them ‘No’??” we ask ourselves.  Immediately, perhaps quicker than the conscious allows, we find ourselves saying “Yes” to the request.  We’d rather be overwhelmed with too much to do than be subject to disapproval from someone else.   

Whether we actually want to say “Yes” or not is often secondary to the perceived implications of saying “No”.

Anything you ask of yourself or anything anyone else asks you to do usually involves the expenditure of at least one of two assets – time and/or money.

The problem is you are already spending 100% of both of those assets in your life.  You already spend every single second doing something else – even if that’s time spent sleeping, it’s being spent.  You already spend every penny somewhere else – even if it’s going to savings, it’s already allocated.

This means that when we say “Yes” to one thing we inherently have to to say “No” to something else.   But, we don’t do this consciously. And, as a result, we sometimes end up feeling resentful for “having” to do whatever it is we said yes to.   Or, conversely, we feel guilty if we say “No”.  

One of my dear friends used to tell me all the time that she “hates” asking for help.  When I asked her why she said she just “feels bad asking”. I told her she never has to worry about that with me because I truly do not do anything I do not want to do.  

I’ve said “No” to her and she still loves me.  Nothing bad happened like we sometimes fear when we consider declining a request.   

This doesn’t mean when I say “Yes” there is no trade-off.   Like all of us, my assets of time and money are all 100% accounted for as well.  I know when I say “Yes” to her, or anyone else, I’m saying “Yes” because I want to say “Yes”.  

Most importantly, no matter how I answer the request, I like my reasons for the answer I chose.  And that makes all the difference. It’s much harder to feel resentful or guilty when you like your reasons for your choice.     

She doesn’t tell me how much she dislikes asking for help anymore.  She just asks. I just answer.  

Want to give yourself and those around you the gift of letting your “Yes” be “Yes” and you “No” be “No”?  I gotta tell you, it’s one of the most freeing things I’ve done for my schedule, my sanity and my relationships.  If you want to experience this freedom too I can help. October is almost full, so don’t wait. Click here now for your free 30-minute chat!      

(2-minute read time) 

I had known about the project for a long time – several weeks, maybe even months.  Either way, it had been too long to not have taken action on it yet.  Regardless, there I was 2 weeks before the due date and I had nothing, nada.  I was in that familiar spot again where there was definitely more work than time.  

Come on.  Really? I’m a grown-up, I know better.  And yet, it wasn’t too long ago that I found myself in this familiar place. 

“I work best under pressure”.  That’s the number one reason I hear from my clients in favor of procrastination.  It’s a lie I’ve often told myself.  

The reason why we believe “we work best under pressure” is because that’s when we actually do the necessary work.  

So, yes, in theory, that is our best work but often it’s also our only work.  We have nothing to compare it to. Therefore, it’s actually our worst work too.  

In this day and age, many of us are knowledge workers.  Which basically means we get paid to think for a living.  With this in mind, I want to paint two scenarios for you: 

Scenario 1:  Thinking for a living without intention, whenever we get a minute to squeeze in thinking time 

Scenario 2:  Thinking for a living with intention, having set aside time and space specifically for the purpose of thinking

Which of those scenarios do you suppose produces the BEST work?  The best ideas? The most creative and innovative thoughts? Which is more reflective of the kind of thinking you desire doing?  Which one is going to produce the results you really want?     

Within the last decade, studies have indicated that creativity is one of the most coveted leadership skills employers are looking for.  Where does creativity come from? Our thoughts. Whether you know it or not, you already have the coveted skill of creativity. But, it’s likely you just haven’t unleashed its full potential. It’s couched in “busy-ness” which leads to procrastination.   

For most of us, myself included, poor planning and a lack of self-management are at the root of procrastination.  Time doesn’t need to be managed as much as we need to be managing ourselves. Since my last bout with it, I’ve implemented planning and management solutions that have prevented the phrase “time-crunch” from even being a thing. 

Now, I have created a workday where there’s plenty of time for exercise, walking my dogs, and taking breaks. I worry less and create more. It’s becoming more frequent that I feel rather accomplished at the end of the day.

I used to say how busy I was all the time and wear it like a badge of honor. Now, I’m aiming for “un-busy”. I’m committed to a new badge of “Planned, purposeful, productive and definitely not too busy”. You can wear the “un-busy” badge too, I can help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.