Author: Deneen Kipp

(Less than 2 -minute read time)

The pandemic, the protests, the economy, homeschooling, the election, the unknowns – all reasons I’ve heard for not taking action lately.  

Sometimes, these are totally justifiable.  I took a short time off from writing my blog and still believe that was the absolute right thing to do.  

And yet, at some point, even our justifiable reasons can become convenient escapes.  

Our human brain is designed to protect us.  It is constantly scanning for risk.  When it finds a potential risk it alerts us.   

The problem is just about any unknown can be labeled “risk” by our brain.  

That unfamiliar sound you heard while you happened to be alone?  Our brains will make into an armed robber when really it was a broom that toppled over in the closet.  

So, how can we tell if the risk alert is fact or fiction?  

I am sure someone who knows a lot more about the brain can give you a technical, science-y answer.  But, if you wanted to be reading a science-y blog you would be.

Here’s how I have come to answer that question.  

Most of the time, when it comes to fear, my brain is a lot like an under-developed, micromanaging leader.  

It blurts out nonsense at inconvenient times while trying to sound very important.  And, most of what it’s warning me about doesn’t actually happen.  

Yet, if I argue for my limitations – whether they be internal or external – I get to keep them.  Keeping those limitations inherently means inaction.  Inaction means limited results.     

Real or perceived limitations lead to inaction, which leads to limited results.  

This isn’t a case for throwing ALL caution to the wind.  But, it IS a case to question how legitimate your limitations truly are.     

Need a hand deciphering fact from fiction when it comes to your limitations?  I can definitely help, just click here to chat!

(2 minute read time) 

Having a good network, a mentor, a sponsor, and/or someone who’s a champion of ours are all methods we’ve been told to help ensure we have support.  

Undoubtedly, these are great suggestions. Yet there’s one area of support – a huge one – that many of us are missing out on.    

Ourselves.  

Here’s an example..  I was working with a client who was pretty sure her coworkers did not view her in a positive light.   

As we explored further, we uncovered the real issue is that she did not think very highly of herself.  This led her to behave in a people-pleasing way.  The more she tried to do what she thought would make others like her, she just felt worse.  Then, when feeling badly, her efforts at work waned and that only proved to reignite her belief that “they don’t like me”.  It was a vicious cycle.    

The problem stemmed from trying to behave in a way that was incongruent with what she actually believed.  Even if her efforts to get others to like her “worked” all she would have succeeded in doing is getting them to like a version of her that isn’t genuine.  They still wouldn’t know, or have the chance to like, the real version.  So, it’s actually good that her efforts failed.  

I think many of us have been in this same boat.   I’ve found myself there recently with current events and feeling a bit nervous and fearful about addressing my audience in the “right” way in light of current events.  

Then I decided to have my own back.  And you can too.  

When we decide to “have our own back” – no matter what – we can march forward with a new level of confidence.  We no longer have to fear being wrong or become defensive when people misunderstand.  

We don’t get defensive when we think people are wrong about us, we actually get defensive out of the fear that they may be right.  

When we feel defensive, it’s a cue to take a kind and curious look at what we are thinking about ourselves.  We question all the unhelpful BS we’re telling ourselves.  We find that which is helpful and believable (note: not necessarily positive).  Then we practice.

Need a hand learning how to have your own back?  I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a chat!

(Less than 2 minutes)

A recent chat with a friend went like this…

My friend:  “It was all just too much.  I had a meltdown.”

Me: “Good!”  

My friend: “Good??  That’s not good!!”

Me:  “Yes, it is.  That’s when we’re close to finally being ready to actually make a change.”

I’ve undoubtedly annoyed people with what some see as “life coach-y” perspectives.  And, even though I was definitely not coaching in that conversation I meant what I said about negative emotions inspiring change.    

Experiencing negative emotion is far more beneficial than we give it credit for.  Before we get to those benefits, let’s define negative emotions.    

Negative emotions are just cues, albeit uncomfortable ones.  They let us know that something is off, out of alignment in some way.

Typically, we make eliminating the negative emotion priority number one!  We distract ourselves in some way – food, drink, work, even exercise.  I’ve often found myself cleaning my house when I don’t want to feel something uncomfortable.  

Now, onto the benefits part…  

The alternative of avoidance, allowing the negative emotion, is not something we are very practiced at.  The negative emotion already feels bad all by itself but then on top of it, we don’t know what to do with the ick.  We dislike not knowing what to do.  So, of course, we instinctively want to make it go away as quickly as possible.    

Allowing negative emotion can be challenging but oh so freeing.  There are lots of other benefits too.  Here’s a great list from Tracy Kennedy:

Remember, negative emotions are just cues.  Perhaps these cues are also invitations for you to get curious, learn more about yourself, take actions, and get amazing results you otherwise would not have.  I can definitely help, just click here to chat!

(Less than 2 minutes)

Clients often tell me they just want to be happy, successful, feel good…  

At the root of increased happiness and success is believing new things.  Always.  

It’s deeper than just flipping a switch or “thought swapping” though.  It has to be believable.  

How the heck do we actually believe NEW things when the current thoughts just feel so true?

It’s a simple, often not easy, answer.  

We have to be willing to be wrong about what “feels true”.  

On average, humans have tens of thousands of thoughts daily.  Some say in the neighborhood of 70,000.  

Most of those are completely unexamined.  

However, if we pause.  Notice just some of them.  We can see there’s a difference between an actual fact and something that just feels true.    

When we find a thought that “feels true” but is not helpful, question it.

Why does this matter?  Because your thoughts always find their way into your results.  Always.  

Need a hand getting some better results?  I can definitely help, just click here to chat.

(Less than 2-minute read time)

We often wish we could just change our behaviors with the flip of a switch.  

Honestly, sometimes that actually is possible.  

Think about medical diagnosis and sudden health habit changes.  

Someone learns they have diabetes and immediately stops eating sugar as they used to.  Someone learns they have cancer and stops smoking.   Someone learns they have heart disease and starts eating more vegetables and putting less salt on them. 

But, most often, habits are formed over time.  The bad ones we have are formed over time.  Recreating new ones also takes time.  

If it were a light switch we wouldn’t really have any problems to solve.  Goals become tasks when we can just go do them.  

Yet, we still just try to flip the switch don’t we?

We make a decision like “For the next 30 days I am going/not going to _____”.  

Maybe we get through a day or two.  

And then it gets hard.  

Here’s why it never works.  It’s because we are using willpower.  

What is willpower?  

Willpower is trying to just change our actions without addressing what causes those actions.  

Thoughts create feelings which drive actions.  

If we just try to change the action without having a look at the thoughts and feelings that created that action, we end up fatigued and we quit.  Way too early.    

Could you use a hand creating a new habit, a new result?   I can definitely help, let’s chat.

(Less than 2-minute read time)

I love living in a neighborhood of dog lovers.  It’s so fun.  Our pups enjoy hanging out together and we all help each enjoy out with pet sitting.   

Several months ago my friend had to go to the hospital unexpectedly.  She asked me to watch her dogs.  

She has two HUGE dogs, both rescues.  I was delighted to hang out with them.  I have a special place in my heart for animals, especially rescues…

When I went over to pick up the dogs they were SUPER excited.   It was fun to watch approximately 200 pounds of pup running over to my house.  It was fun to watch my own pups delight in having a playdate with their friends.     

But it wasn’t always that way. 

They weren’t always excited to come over.  My pups weren’t always excited to have the company.  

It was shaky at first.  

These rescue pups have histories.  Often, that history is unknown to us.  Nonetheless, they bring those experiences with them and we just see the effects – without knowing the details.  

All pups require patience, rescues sometimes need an extra measure of patience.  

It takes days, weeks, months – consistent love, time, and attention to build a relationship with a rescue dog.  

Great rescue dog relationships are built on great rescue dog interactions, one at a time.  Over time.  Love, grace, and patience.  Followed by more love, grace, and patience.  

I think the same is true for us humans.  

Could you use a hand improving a relationship in your life?   I can definitely help, let’s chat. 

P.S. – That’s the real deal in the cover photo.  His name is Hippo, can you even stand it??  Biggest heart, sweetest boy. I am lucky to call him my friend ❤

(Less than 2-minute read time)

When I started my business, my coach told me if I was able to earn some haters that meant I was doing it right.  

At first, this made no sense to me.  I wanted to appeal to all the people.  Of course, it’s completely unrealistic to think my message would resonate with everyone.  At the same time, I didn’t want to “earn” haters – no thank you.  

Since then I have earned some haters and experienced criticism of my work.  In fact, just a few days ago I received a rather ugly reply.  It’s not the first time and yet it still stung a bit at first.

Then I remembered…. 

Other people’s opinions are representations of their perspective.  Their perspective comes from their experiences, their history, their thoughts & their interpretations.  

It’s all theirs. It’s not even really about me at all.  Even if it were, almost anything anyone can say about me or my work – well, I can usually find at least some truth to it.  

So, I no longer have to ruminate on the negative feedback and replay the criticism over and over.  I no longer have to experience the anger and relentless justification of right and wrong.   

It doesn’t mean I don’t care.  I do.  I’m just stronger than the critique when it used to be the other way around.  What made me strong?  Showing up, sharing my work and encountering, not avoiding, the critics.  I’m glad they were there to help me get here. 

What about you?  Have you been shaken up by constructive (aka – negative) feedback?  Want to find a better way to process it?  I can definitely help, let’s chat.

(Under 2-minute read time)

Some of us are allowing disorder and chaos in areas of our lives where we’re normally refined and self-disciplined.

For many of us, life just feels out of control these days.  When we feel out of control it often seeps into areas where we actually do have control.    

“Everything’s a mess, to heck with it, I’ll just (eat this, drink that, work/work out later) 

I’ll be honest, I have found myself there a few times throughout this pandemic.  

But, a sad event recently reminded me of the ability we have to show up as the best version of ourselves regardless of our circumstances.   

**Tearjerker alert**

When I moved to Florida 20 years ago, I adopted a stray beach kitty and named her Olive.  I had no idea how old she was then but I can tell you she’s been a faithful friend for the last two decades. 

Sadly, the time to say goodbye to Olive came last week.  

It was heartbreaking and I was a mess.    

It would’ve been easy to postpone all of my appointments.  It would’ve been easy to justify not doing the work I’d committed to.  It would’ve been easy to just lay around and be sad.

A big reason I was tempted to cancel everything because I couldn’t imagine being able to work effectively feeling like I was.

I mistakenly believed being sad and doing good work could not coexist.

But then, I remembered it is possible.  

My circumstances do not determine how good of a day I have.  My thoughts do.

I can allow the sadness and, at the same time, not allow it to derail my business.  Sadness can come along with me for a little bit while I work, it’s ok.   

Maybe you’ve had similar challenges?  I can definitely help, let’s chat. 

(2-minute read time)

Weekends have felt more restful lately.  The slower pace has helped me to feel more ready to take on the week when Monday rolls around.     

And yet this sense of enthusiasm often fades, too quickly.  By mid-week, things can start to feel stale and unexciting.  

Sometimes the fade happens when I am reminded of what’s “wrong” with life in a COVID-19 world.  A graduation parade instead of a graduation party.  A birthday video instead of a birthday hug.  Not being able to visit an ill friend in the hospital.  Not getting to go inside the emergency clinic with my sick pet. Not being able to have a celebration of life for a loved one that passed.              

Can you relate?        

It’s easy to explain away demotivation with this virus around. We blame the virus for making us this way. We think when it’s over things will be better and we will feel more motivated.  

But let me ask you this…  Was your motivation level exactly where you’d like it to be before all this?  

If we’re honest, most of us would probably say “no”.

The truth is, our thoughts are always at the root of our feelings.  If you weren’t thinking motivation producing thoughts before, you’re probably not now either.  

Here’s a quick hack to get you moving.

1. Motivation is a bonus, not a requirement – you can still do whatever it is even without feeling like you really want to.  Acknowledge this fact.     
2. Dread is optional – if you are dreading a task, it’s because you’re thinking it will be hard, boring, or otherwise unenjoyable.  Joyce Meyer calls this “planning to not enjoy something”.  Change the narrative in your mind to something that serves you.  
3. Commit to get to Minute 6 – Pick a day and time for the task.  Then, when the time comes, all you have to do is just do it for the first full 5 minutes.  That’s just 300 seconds.  If, by the time you get to the 301st second, you want to stop, go ahead.  

But, by the time Minute 6 arrives, you’ll likely find you don’t want to.  This little hack has gotten me to tackle work projects, clean the house, exercise, and organize spaces that have needed to be decluttered for far too long.  

A 301-second investment for a sense of completion, productivity, and honoring myself?  I’ll take it.  Will you?

What will you accomplish by managing your own motivation levels?  I’m willing to bet you can blow your own mind with what you’re capable of.   

If you can use a hand, I can definitely help, let’s chat. 

(<2 ½ minute read time)

Wowzas there are a wide variety of opinions out there these days right?

Today, we are going to talk about how to deal with those opinions that are so vastly different from your own.   I’m also going to share some of my own thought work that recently helped me feel tremendously better about those who have triggered me.

If you’ve got someone in your life – a relative, a colleague, a friend who’s thinking about the virus situation (or anything) in a very different way than you, well, you’ve come to the right place.  

There’s Three Truths to feeling better about that trigger person.  

When I acknowledge these Three Truths, I gain the power to change things even if the other person never changes at all.  

I do not have to get them to “be reasonable” and see it my way.  

I do not have to conform to a perspective I wholeheartedly disagree with.  

And, I can still maintain a productive relationship with that person while we each have contradicting views.  Sound dreamy? Read on… 

But first, a short note… If you have some fundamental concerns about any of The Three Truths, click on the hyperlinks to explore each at a deeper level.      

Step 1) Other people don’t make me feel anything 

Step 2) I have complete authority of my thoughts and feelings at all times

Step 3) I can allow other people to choose to think and feel whatever way they want to – and their choice does not have to negatively affect me (see Step 1)  

Recently, I’d been thinking about those in my personal life who are angry, irritable and complaining about the way life is right now.  I was feeling super frustrated by this kind of response to the virus implications. I thought “They just want to be angry & resentful”.  Which, even if true, only perpetuated my frustration… And, it ultimately led me to complaining about the complainers!      

As I applied the three truths I was reminded that we are all “human-ing” right now.  Their response to this is as human as mine. Neither of us is doing things perfectly.  From there I chose to ask myself a great question and now I’m using it every single time I feel “triggered”…  “What can I give to this situation other than my staunch opinion?”

Ultimately, it’s about being able to make decisions we feel good about without creating unnecessary angst when others make a different decision.  It’s allowing them to be who they are, which people are going to do anyway – with or without our permission.

Perhaps you are in a similar situation?  Maybe you’re even spending a LOT more time with a person who sees things very differently.  I can definitely help, let’s chat.