Month: June 2020

(Less than 2 -minute read time)

The pandemic, the protests, the economy, homeschooling, the election, the unknowns – all reasons I’ve heard for not taking action lately.  

Sometimes, these are totally justifiable.  I took a short time off from writing my blog and still believe that was the absolute right thing to do.  

And yet, at some point, even our justifiable reasons can become convenient escapes.  

Our human brain is designed to protect us.  It is constantly scanning for risk.  When it finds a potential risk it alerts us.   

The problem is just about any unknown can be labeled “risk” by our brain.  

That unfamiliar sound you heard while you happened to be alone?  Our brains will make into an armed robber when really it was a broom that toppled over in the closet.  

So, how can we tell if the risk alert is fact or fiction?  

I am sure someone who knows a lot more about the brain can give you a technical, science-y answer.  But, if you wanted to be reading a science-y blog you would be.

Here’s how I have come to answer that question.  

Most of the time, when it comes to fear, my brain is a lot like an under-developed, micromanaging leader.  

It blurts out nonsense at inconvenient times while trying to sound very important.  And, most of what it’s warning me about doesn’t actually happen.  

Yet, if I argue for my limitations – whether they be internal or external – I get to keep them.  Keeping those limitations inherently means inaction.  Inaction means limited results.     

Real or perceived limitations lead to inaction, which leads to limited results.  

This isn’t a case for throwing ALL caution to the wind.  But, it IS a case to question how legitimate your limitations truly are.     

Need a hand deciphering fact from fiction when it comes to your limitations?  I can definitely help, just click here to chat!

(2 minute read time) 

Having a good network, a mentor, a sponsor, and/or someone who’s a champion of ours are all methods we’ve been told to help ensure we have support.  

Undoubtedly, these are great suggestions. Yet there’s one area of support – a huge one – that many of us are missing out on.    

Ourselves.  

Here’s an example..  I was working with a client who was pretty sure her coworkers did not view her in a positive light.   

As we explored further, we uncovered the real issue is that she did not think very highly of herself.  This led her to behave in a people-pleasing way.  The more she tried to do what she thought would make others like her, she just felt worse.  Then, when feeling badly, her efforts at work waned and that only proved to reignite her belief that “they don’t like me”.  It was a vicious cycle.    

The problem stemmed from trying to behave in a way that was incongruent with what she actually believed.  Even if her efforts to get others to like her “worked” all she would have succeeded in doing is getting them to like a version of her that isn’t genuine.  They still wouldn’t know, or have the chance to like, the real version.  So, it’s actually good that her efforts failed.  

I think many of us have been in this same boat.   I’ve found myself there recently with current events and feeling a bit nervous and fearful about addressing my audience in the “right” way in light of current events.  

Then I decided to have my own back.  And you can too.  

When we decide to “have our own back” – no matter what – we can march forward with a new level of confidence.  We no longer have to fear being wrong or become defensive when people misunderstand.  

We don’t get defensive when we think people are wrong about us, we actually get defensive out of the fear that they may be right.  

When we feel defensive, it’s a cue to take a kind and curious look at what we are thinking about ourselves.  We question all the unhelpful BS we’re telling ourselves.  We find that which is helpful and believable (note: not necessarily positive).  Then we practice.

Need a hand learning how to have your own back?  I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a chat!

(Less than 2 minutes)

A recent chat with a friend went like this…

My friend:  “It was all just too much.  I had a meltdown.”

Me: “Good!”  

My friend: “Good??  That’s not good!!”

Me:  “Yes, it is.  That’s when we’re close to finally being ready to actually make a change.”

I’ve undoubtedly annoyed people with what some see as “life coach-y” perspectives.  And, even though I was definitely not coaching in that conversation I meant what I said about negative emotions inspiring change.    

Experiencing negative emotion is far more beneficial than we give it credit for.  Before we get to those benefits, let’s define negative emotions.    

Negative emotions are just cues, albeit uncomfortable ones.  They let us know that something is off, out of alignment in some way.

Typically, we make eliminating the negative emotion priority number one!  We distract ourselves in some way – food, drink, work, even exercise.  I’ve often found myself cleaning my house when I don’t want to feel something uncomfortable.  

Now, onto the benefits part…  

The alternative of avoidance, allowing the negative emotion, is not something we are very practiced at.  The negative emotion already feels bad all by itself but then on top of it, we don’t know what to do with the ick.  We dislike not knowing what to do.  So, of course, we instinctively want to make it go away as quickly as possible.    

Allowing negative emotion can be challenging but oh so freeing.  There are lots of other benefits too.  Here’s a great list from Tracy Kennedy:

Remember, negative emotions are just cues.  Perhaps these cues are also invitations for you to get curious, learn more about yourself, take actions, and get amazing results you otherwise would not have.  I can definitely help, just click here to chat!

(Less than 2 minutes)

Clients often tell me they just want to be happy, successful, feel good…  

At the root of increased happiness and success is believing new things.  Always.  

It’s deeper than just flipping a switch or “thought swapping” though.  It has to be believable.  

How the heck do we actually believe NEW things when the current thoughts just feel so true?

It’s a simple, often not easy, answer.  

We have to be willing to be wrong about what “feels true”.  

On average, humans have tens of thousands of thoughts daily.  Some say in the neighborhood of 70,000.  

Most of those are completely unexamined.  

However, if we pause.  Notice just some of them.  We can see there’s a difference between an actual fact and something that just feels true.    

When we find a thought that “feels true” but is not helpful, question it.

Why does this matter?  Because your thoughts always find their way into your results.  Always.  

Need a hand getting some better results?  I can definitely help, just click here to chat.