Month: September 2019

(<3-minute read time)

Saying “No” is something many of us are challenged with. I see two main reasons why we say “Yes” when we would really rather say “No”.  

#1…. We say “Yes” because we think we SHOULD be able to do it all 

You know who you are…  You think you can or should be able to write a book, get the next degree, raise the kids, start a non-profit, plan a trip to Australia, grow the side-hustle, be president of the PTO, improve your marriage and learn how to make a killer gluten-free lemon meringue pie all while slaying it at your full-time job.    

#2… We say “Yes” because we are trying to manage other’s opinions of us 

“What will they think of me if I tell them ‘No’??” we ask ourselves.  Immediately, perhaps quicker than the conscious allows, we find ourselves saying “Yes” to the request.  We’d rather be overwhelmed with too much to do than be subject to disapproval from someone else.   

Whether we actually want to say “Yes” or not is often secondary to the perceived implications of saying “No”.

Anything you ask of yourself or anything anyone else asks you to do usually involves the expenditure of at least one of two assets – time and/or money.

The problem is you are already spending 100% of both of those assets in your life.  You already spend every single second doing something else – even if that’s time spent sleeping, it’s being spent.  You already spend every penny somewhere else – even if it’s going to savings, it’s already allocated.

This means that when we say “Yes” to one thing we inherently have to to say “No” to something else.   But, we don’t do this consciously. And, as a result, we sometimes end up feeling resentful for “having” to do whatever it is we said yes to.   Or, conversely, we feel guilty if we say “No”.  

One of my dear friends used to tell me all the time that she “hates” asking for help.  When I asked her why she said she just “feels bad asking”. I told her she never has to worry about that with me because I truly do not do anything I do not want to do.  

I’ve said “No” to her and she still loves me.  Nothing bad happened like we sometimes fear when we consider declining a request.   

This doesn’t mean when I say “Yes” there is no trade-off.   Like all of us, my assets of time and money are all 100% accounted for as well.  I know when I say “Yes” to her, or anyone else, I’m saying “Yes” because I want to say “Yes”.  

Most importantly, no matter how I answer the request, I like my reasons for the answer I chose.  And that makes all the difference. It’s much harder to feel resentful or guilty when you like your reasons for your choice.     

She doesn’t tell me how much she dislikes asking for help anymore.  She just asks. I just answer.  

Want to give yourself and those around you the gift of letting your “Yes” be “Yes” and you “No” be “No”?  I gotta tell you, it’s one of the most freeing things I’ve done for my schedule, my sanity and my relationships.  If you want to experience this freedom too I can help. October is almost full, so don’t wait. Click here now for your free 30-minute chat!      

(2-minute read time) 

I had known about the project for a long time – several weeks, maybe even months.  Either way, it had been too long to not have taken action on it yet.  Regardless, there I was 2 weeks before the due date and I had nothing, nada.  I was in that familiar spot again where there was definitely more work than time.  

Come on.  Really? I’m a grown-up, I know better.  And yet, it wasn’t too long ago that I found myself in this familiar place. 

“I work best under pressure”.  That’s the number one reason I hear from my clients in favor of procrastination.  It’s a lie I’ve often told myself.  

The reason why we believe “we work best under pressure” is because that’s when we actually do the necessary work.  

So, yes, in theory, that is our best work but often it’s also our only work.  We have nothing to compare it to. Therefore, it’s actually our worst work too.  

In this day and age, many of us are knowledge workers.  Which basically means we get paid to think for a living.  With this in mind, I want to paint two scenarios for you: 

Scenario 1:  Thinking for a living without intention, whenever we get a minute to squeeze in thinking time 

Scenario 2:  Thinking for a living with intention, having set aside time and space specifically for the purpose of thinking

Which of those scenarios do you suppose produces the BEST work?  The best ideas? The most creative and innovative thoughts? Which is more reflective of the kind of thinking you desire doing?  Which one is going to produce the results you really want?     

Within the last decade, studies have indicated that creativity is one of the most coveted leadership skills employers are looking for.  Where does creativity come from? Our thoughts. Whether you know it or not, you already have the coveted skill of creativity. But, it’s likely you just haven’t unleashed its full potential. It’s couched in “busy-ness” which leads to procrastination.   

For most of us, myself included, poor planning and a lack of self-management are at the root of procrastination.  Time doesn’t need to be managed as much as we need to be managing ourselves. Since my last bout with it, I’ve implemented planning and management solutions that have prevented the phrase “time-crunch” from even being a thing. 

Now, I have created a workday where there’s plenty of time for exercise, walking my dogs, and taking breaks. I worry less and create more. It’s becoming more frequent that I feel rather accomplished at the end of the day.

I used to say how busy I was all the time and wear it like a badge of honor. Now, I’m aiming for “un-busy”. I’m committed to a new badge of “Planned, purposeful, productive and definitely not too busy”. You can wear the “un-busy” badge too, I can help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.   

Should you change jobs?  Three signs it’s the right time. 

(3-minute read time) 

Horrible boss.  Toxic culture. Poor compensation.  Lack of meaning.  

These are common reasons we’re dissatisfied with our current roles.  We take these things as “signs” that it’s time to find a new job.  

They’re not.  

Popular culture tells us that if we feel negative and uninspired about our work then we should immediately find someplace else where we can let our passion shine.    

They’re wrong.  At least most of the time anyway. 

Look, we all like to think we’re reasonable people right?  We don’t expect our work life to be rainbows and daisies all of the time.  We anticipate some ups and downs. But how do we know when the downs are really just too much? How do we know when it is actually time to make a change and take our skillset to another role or another organization?  

1. You’ve carefully, purposefully chosen your opinion of your current workplace.   Workplaces and the people in them are completely neutral.  If they were actually “good” or “bad” then 100% of the employee population at any given workplace would agree on whether it was good or bad.  Our thoughts about our workplace have tremendous power over how we show up in them.  It’s ok if your opinion isn’t all positive but it should be intentional.  That “horrendous” boss is often just a human on the planet doing their job the best they know how.  While they may be an extremely ineffective leader, they’re not exactly the bumbling idiot we paint him or her to be at happy hour.   When you can think about your current workplace as a neutral entity and not the source of your dissatisfaction, you are well on your way to being ready for a change.
2. You’re watering the lawn you already have.  We often think that if we jump ship to a new organization then we can finally flourish!  We imagine we won’t feel so stifled. But remember, the grass isn’t greener just because it’s on the other side of the fence.  The grass is greener where you water it. How have you been watering the lawn (job/career) you already have? This part is not just up to the organization.  You’ve got to take initiative here too – ask to be on the big up and coming project, find a professional development opportunity and present a proposal. You may be surprised where the initiative takes you.  I know this can be tough when you are already feeling pretty fed up. But, if you have done Step 1 this won’t be nearly as hard. And, at a minimum, work will be a little more interesting!                    
3. You’ve done your homework.  Before ever looking at the job boards spend some time designing your ideal job.  Get clear on what it is you truly want. Sometimes, when things are challenging at work we’re so focused on finding the escape hatch we don’t pay enough attention to where it will deposit us.    Envision all of the tangibles and intangible qualities you desire. Sure there’s the org structure, possible schedule requirements, and compensation package to consider. How about the culture and values – what would be ideal?  What kind of professional development opportunities does a great workplace offer? What levels of autonomy and support will you have? This will help guide your career no matter whether you decide to stay with your current employer or not.   

Our careers are a big part of life which is why changing them can feel so hard sometimes!  If a change is what you are looking for – either in perspective or your job or both – I can definitely help, just click here to get on my calendar!