Month: December 2018

(2 minute read time)

It’s New Year’s Eve so if you are going to make a resolution or a goal for 2019, today is a really good day to decide what it’s going to be.  

In my last post I shared my belief that accomplishing goals or resolutions will not make us better or happier.  So the question naturally becomes “Why bother then?”

Today I offer you 4 reasons you want to bother…  

1. Maximizes potential – Your purpose and mine are the same, to evolve into the next version of ourselves.  To ask more of ourselves and remove the obstacles that preventing us from knowing how great we really are.   
2. Gives us direction – When we have something we are working towards achieving, it gives our brain direction.  Our brains operate naturally on the Motivational Triad – seek pleasure, avoid pain and expend the least amount of energy possible.  Without purposeful direction, like goals, we will easily recycle the same lives we already have.
3. Life is more interesting – Whether we set a goal or not, we will have a mix of good and bad, ups and downs in our lives.  As we work towards a goal we get a new mix of good and bad, ups and downs. If we are going to have a positive and negative experiences in life anyway, why not make them new and different ones?
4. Results – Achieving the results we want doesn’t just happen on accident.  Goals are a way of deciding what you want the results to be instead of doing life haphazardly.  You envision the life you want and then go get it.

Any result you want to achieve in 2019 is totally and completely possible.  I encourage you to think big. Have a moonshot goal. Choose something you currently think is impossible and challenge yourself to go after it wholeheartedly.  The only thing between you and that goal is your thoughts about it. Let’s live out 2019 on purpose.

Would you like some help setting and achieving your moonshot goal?  Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session.    

(2 minute read time)

New Year’s Eve is upon us.  Many of you are thinking about 2019.  Thinking about what you want to achieve and accomplish.

Many of you might also be thinking about how great life will be once you have achieved that goal.  You imagine how wonderful it will feel once you get the promotion or lose 10 pounds or pay off the bills from the holidays.  

As Debbie Downer as this may sound, it won’t be better.      

Here’s how I know.  

1. Achieving a goal does not create happiness.  Happiness, like any other emotion, is a byproduct of our thoughts.  Thoughts create emotions, not completed goals. If you agree with me on this then accomplishing a goal is not required to experience happiness, pride or a sense of self-worth.  We have the capacity to experience happiness now – even with the goal in it’s unfinished state.
2.  Achieving a goal does not make us better people.  Consider for a moment that there is no human who is “better” than another.  What if we were all equally worthy? I pose this question to my clients often – and I take it to the extreme.  Could Jeffrey Dahmer and Mother Theresa be equally worthy? Most of us would say NO. I say YES. If there is some system to rank the worthiness of humans it only exists in our minds.  And if that is true, where do you fit in? Do you fall closer to the saint or serial killer side? We can’t operate in a world with a ranking system and not rank ourselves. I vote to eliminate the fictitious ranking system instead.  

All of us create the lives we have based on what we think.  The results we have are no coincidence.

The problem is that no one ever really teaches us how to choose thoughts consciously.   Instead, we live at the effect of unintentional thinking. Often this causes us to create unintentional results.      

Clients they often ask me  “If I am not going to be better or happier why should I bother setting goals at all then?”.  I am a HUGE fan of goals and I am so excited to answer that question in the next post – stay tuned.  Until then, think about the goals you want to set for 2019 and think BIG!

If I asked you to close your eyes and then told you “Do not think of a pink elephant” – what are you going to do?  Would you think of a green monkey??   Not likely.  You are going to think of a pink elephant. You probably have a pink elephant in your mind right now – and not just because there’s a picture of one above.  Your brain can’t help itself.  

Our brains will go after that which we are focused on.  Therefore, it makes sense to direct our attention to what we DO want versus what we don’t.  

Years ago, I belonged to a group and as leaders we were trying to address a situation where some of the participants had been wearing strong perfume at our meetings.  I love some good perfume, but it bothered some other members with allergies.

We decided that instead of making an announcement telling people what not to do (“Don’t wear perfume/cologne”) we would say what we did want:

“We encourage members to limit the use of perfume/cologne”

It worked.  

This subtle shift in thinking is can positively impact our own performance and the performance of those we manage.

If you have a big interview or presentation coming up try thinking: “I am going to do what it takes to ace this” instead of thinking “I don’t want to bomb it”.    

As for your employees, consider that adults do not appreciate being told what they are not allowed to do.  Think about it, do you like that? Not really, right? Instead, consider telling your employee what you DO want from them instead of what you don’t.  

Influencing others in an impactful way is a key leadership characteristic.  The words you choose have affect how influential you are. This may sound like semantics but it is rooted in science.  Several studies show that adults perform better at work when they have some level autonomy. Tell them what NOT to do and you have just taken away that coveted autonomy.  Tell them what you do want, collaborate on the “how to” and watch the magic happen!

I encourage you to click here to schedule some time with me to chat more about this or any other leadership topic on your mind these days!

(3 minute read time)

I am chuckling as I think about The Bobs in the movie Office Space.  You remember the scene, The Bobs ask the famous question “So, what would you say… ya do here?”

As much as I think it is important to have an elevator pitch that describes what you do – this blog is not about that.  

It occurred to me that I may have a blind spot, and I want to address it.  I am a coach and I have a coach, so I know exactly what coaches do. But not everyone is or has a coach so not everyone knows what coaches do.     

A leadership coach ___________.   

Fill in the blank.  What comes to mind for you when you think about what a coach does?

I have heard a lot of different answers to this question – many of them far from the green.  So, I thought I would clear it up a bit in this post.

First, let’s bust a few myths.

• A coach is NOT a “paid” friend – I have clients that are friends and friends that clients, they will tell you it’s a completely different experience when I have my coach hat on.  A good coach remains objective at all times.

• A coach does not hold you accountable – You are an adult, you do not need a babysitter.  Coaches will help you see the reason why you aren’t taking action, but we are not going to hold your feet to the fire.  Of course we want you to succeed, but we do not micromanage.

• A coach is not a therapist – Therapy has its place and that place is different than coaching.  Therapists can help with mental health maladies. If you need therapy a coach will not suffice.  Coaching helps take someone who is already fully functioning to get to their next level. (P.S. – If you are not sure if you need a coach or a therapist, here is a great article that can help)  

Now, let’s talk about what coaching actually is.  If The Bobs were sitting in front of me, here is how I would answer them.  

• I help my clients set and achieve goals.  Together we identify the current and desired state.  We tap into their untapped potential and design the future, the career, the lifestyle they have always wanted.  

• I partner with my clients to uncover what is holding them back from achieving their potential.  We find strategies (that actually work) to overcome obstacles. We celebrate success.

• I provide structure, support and tools to help bring my client’s potential to life.  Many of us are so busy IN our lives, living our lives, we do not take the time to step out of it and work ON our lives.  I give personalized strategies to leaders instead of a one-size-fits-all approach.

• I give my clients time and energy.  Don’t we all want more of that? Coaching doesn’t take time, it saves time.  I help my clients create an exciting plan, gain momentum and make it happen.    

If you do not have the life you want, a coach can likely help you.  Find one that specializes in what you want. There are coaches for everything – career, weight, parenting, dating, marriage, divorce, finances etc.    

Back in the 50’s and 60’s going to a gym to work out was unusual.  Having a personal trainer was even more unusual. Physical fitness, gym memberships and personal trainers are now commonplace.  

The same is happening with coaching.  It’s like having a personal trainer for your mind.    

Give it a try…. Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session with me.     

(2 minute read time)

In the movie The Pursuit of Happyness there is this line where the main character, Chris Gardner says:  “I still remember that moment. They all looked so damn happy to me. Why couldn’t I look like that?”

Haven’t we all looked around and wondered why other people seem so much happier (or better, smarter, nicer, kinder, thinner, prettier) than we are?

I have this friend.  Her house is literally spotless – all the time.  If I were to drop by unannounced, I know her house will be picture perfect.  Seriously, it looks like it is constantly ready for an Open House. I am a pretty neat and organized person but if I compare her gorgeous, perfectly decorated home to mine, it could be easy for me to think I am a slob.  

We see it on social media all the time.  People presenting the best versions of themselves – the happy, cheery, successful version.  We look at them and we compare. We usually come out on the losing side of that comparison.      

We forget that in order for happiness to exist, its counterpart must also exist.  There cannot be happiness without unhappiness. If everything was happy, everything would be the same and we would not even know we were happy.    

As leaders it’s our job to take on challenges, obstacles, make tough decisions.  When these things come up it can be easy to think things have gone terribly wrong.  It can be easy to judge the situation or ourselves harshly.

But, what if we look at our troubles differently?  What if we expected them? What if we accepted them as a natural part of the human experience?  What if we get wind of a “problem” and we just know that being a leader means we get to handle these things?

Allowing and accepting reality opens up our minds to creative solutions.  I have learned it also saves a boatload of time and energy (that old saying “The pain is in the resistance” is real my friends)

Next time you are faced with a less than desirable situation, just know that nothing has gone wrong.  It’s just part of the deal. Perhaps, it’s actually perfect because leadership, and life, is supposed to include these things.  

Perhaps life was never supposed to be spotless.  

Want to learn more?  Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session with me.     

(2 minute read time)

In my Gratitude 2.0 post, I shared how much I love Thanksgiving but after that things tend to get hairy….  I keep thinking about how much I have to do. There are all of the regular To-Do’s plus all of the holiday stuff.  It’s easy to get more than a little stressed about it.

Can you relate?

Here are 4 quick tips to help….

1. Recognize that a list of things To-Do does not have the ability to stress you out.  A list of things to accomplish is just a list. It has no power. Until you judge it.  If look at our list and think “Ugh, there’s just so much to do” now we have stress. Your list is just a list.  How do you WANT to think about it?                                                                                       
2. Treat your To-Do’s as something you GET to do not something you MUST do.  “I get to find the perfect present for my sister” feels way better than “I have to….”     
3. Decide how you want to feel and create that feeling – Stressed, overwhelmed, exhausted is probably not what you’d pick.  Me neither. This year, I am purposefully generating the emotions I want – joy, appreciation, peace, presence. I am playing Christmas music much more this year than ever before!  I am delighting in wearing a scarf and drinking a hot cup of coffee on cold days. I make it a point to notice and appreciate the holiday decorations all around. Think about how you can create what you want to feel.                       
4. Make it manageable.  As the old saying goes “How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time”. I love asking myself “If I could only do one or two things for the holidays today, what would they be?”.   That’s much more compelling than thinking “I will never get to all of this”.

What else works for you this time of year?  We all appreciate a good holiday hack, share yours in the comments below!  

(2 minute read)

Several years ago I was presented with an award at work.  It was a pretty big one, it included bonus cash, a week-long-all-expenses-paid trip, the whole shebang.  

It was presented to me beautifully with a lots of appropriate hullabaloo (there is such a thing as inappropriate hullabaloo — but that’s another post).  I should have been ecstatic. I was not.

I vividly remember thinking “They must have run out of people to give the award to, that’s why I got it”.  

I did not question that thought.  I just thought it and believed it.  

My brain needed to answer the question “Why is this happening?  What did I do to deserve all this?”

I couldn’t think of anything I did that was special or unique.  In my mind, I was just doing my job.  So, I just came up with this idea that they ran out of people to give the award to.

I had no reason or evidence to think this, my brain just offered that up as an explanation and I hungrily grabbed it.  

Had I known then what I know now, I would have immediately caught myself talking smack to myself and put a stop to it.  Or at least asked myself a few questions about it.

Today I know that what I think about myself is the ONE THING that impacts everything else in my life.  I know I will either rise up to or down-size to the version of me that is in my mind.

I am not talking about airy-fairy, woo-woo, affirmations here.  I am just talking about watching myself think.

Sometimes it’s still negative.  But, I question the validity.

Thinking on purpose leads to exponential growth.  It’s a game changer.

You can start experiencing the power by just simply noticing your thoughts. Then start choosing your thoughts on purpose. This doesn’t mean you should always choose “rainbow and daisy” thoughts.  But do know, your thoughts are always optional and they impact everything.

Need some help choosing the thoughts that serve you best?  Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session with me.