(<3-minute read time)
It’s not a new idea that if we resist our circumstances we make them more difficult. We also have known for a long time that once we accept what is we’re well on our way to managing it.
And yet, when something disturbing happens we don’t jump right to acceptance do we?
I sure didn’t when I was recently taken aback by a conversation with a random patron at a restaurant.
I was just sitting there having some dinner, doing some work when another patron sat nearby. We chatted amiably for a while. And then “it” happened…
Comments that were so wildly racist they bear no repeating.
I responded kindly and simply stated that was my experiences were completely different.
He countered with more of the same racist remarks and assured me over time I would come to see it his way.
I about choked. I couldn’t eat anymore. I just got my check, politely said good-bye to him and left.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this afterward. I felt so many different emotions – anger, sadness, hatred, disappointment, embarrassment, regret.
Even though these were my natural responses, I know that I don’t have to keep those. I know I can always choose.
With the power of choice in hand, I asked myself how do I really want to respond to this?
It was a defining moment, one that as leaders we probably face more often than we realize.
What I decided is that I do not want to hate this guy for hating other people. That kind of response just does not make sense. What would it solve?
If we hate the hate then we are inevitably adding more hate in the world.
People will argue with me on this. They say: “But Deneen, you have to stand up for what you believe in!” My answer is that standing up for what we believe in doesn’t have to involve anger or hatred.
Standing up for what we believe in doesn’t necessarily mean being AGAINST anything.
In the case of my racist restaurant guy, I am not AGAINST him or his beliefs. Instead, I am FOR him finding peace, love, and acceptance. It’s not too different from the idea of increasing your influence by focusing on what you DO want from them instead of focusing on what you DON’T want. Note: This may be a good time to take 2-minutes to revisit my Elephants & Influence post on this very subject.
Need a hand finding a way to be FOR the challenges, obstacles, people and situations in your life? I can definitely help. Click here to schedule time to chat! Don’t delay – 2019 dates are going fast!
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