Let’s face it, relationships can be tough. Whether it is a personal or professional relationship, some people are just tough to deal with.
Our employees don’t do what they are supposed to do. Or they do it poorly or sloppily or they deliver on it late.
Our family members make bad choices and it upsets us.
Our friends and acquaintances don’t follow through on what they said they would do.
Other people’s behaviors are only a “problem” for us when the behavior is out of alignment with our expectations.
Take a moment and let that sink in.
We usually don’t really care what people do as long as it does not violate our expectations.
Many of us unknowingly have rule books, instructions, manuals for how other people SHOULD behave. And when they do not comply, we get upset.
The solution? Ditch the manual.
“Wait, Deneen, are you saying I should NOT have expectations of my employees? My spouse? My family & friends?”
Nope. You can totally have these requests, expectations, and desires for how you want other people to behave. At the same time your happiness, your emotional well-being is not dependent upon them fulfilling these expectations.
You are always in charge of your own emotional well-being. No one’s actions (or inaction) can make you feel anything. It’s always just your interpretation of their behavior that creates the feeling.
Remember, in Part I we said all relationships exist only in our minds. Relationships are just thoughts. Thoughts create feelings. So, if you want to know why you feel a certain way about any relationship just ask yourself what you think about the other person. It will become very clear, very quickly, why you feel the way you do.
Instead of letting someone else’s choices determine your emotional well being, try letting them just be who they are.
Let them be late.
Let them make poor choices.
Let them turn in poor quality work.
Let them make commitments and not follow through.
Let them be them.
There’s about a 100% chance they are going to be themselves anyway.
Hear me closely on this part: This doesn’t mean you don’t respond at all or that there are no consequences.
There’s a way to respond that keeps your emotional well-being in check AND allows the other person to behave as they wish. It’s a win-win.
Stay tuned for the next post where I will cover how to set and follow through on boundaries the right way, the effective way. The way that gives you even more emotional freedom.
Looking to set some relationships straight? I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.
PS – If you missed Part I of this series, you definitely want to go back and check it out.
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