Author: Deneen Kipp

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I listened to a man tell this story about how he proved his colleague wrong.  He told the story with high energy and enthusiasm. It was clear he took great pride in being right.

We all know someone like this know-it-all guy right?  We all know people that just seem to enjoy being difficult, challenging, annoying.  The ones we dread having to interact with.  

It’s tempting to believe that THEY are the problem.  If they would just change their behavior then it would be easier to get along with them.  

Typically, forcing people to change their behavior isn’t effective.  Even if we are successful at it, there’s often resentment left behind.  Seriously, think about the last time someone tried to get you to do something you really did not want to do or agree with…  It just doesn’t work well.       

So if we can’t change them, the only option left is to change ourselves and the way we respond.

That begs the question – what is the most effective way to respond to challenging people?

I want to make a case for love being one really great option.    

Wait.  What? Love??   

You might be thinking “You want me to LOVE the annoying, challenging, difficult people???  I am not even sure I LIKE them let alone LOVE them!!”

Here’s what I want you to consider.  

Our relationship with anyone is made up entirely of thoughts.  You can choose to think anything you want about the people in your life.  Yet, often we choose judgmental, critical, or just plain negative thoughts about ourselves and others.  

How do you suppose that impacts an already challenged relationship?  

Last year I laid down a dare and this 2020 Valentine’s week, I am daring you again.  

Walk around your workplace today and practice just feeling love for those around you – especially the challenging people.  You can find even just one small thing you appreciate about almost anyone if you really wanted to. You don’t even have to say a word.  Just try it in your mind for one whole day.

What you will find is that even if nothing else changes – you’ll feel a whole lot better.  Because love just feels better than what you were thinking and feeling before you took this dare.    

And, don’t be surprised when that challenging person all the sudden becomes less annoying to you.  

Need a hand? Just click here, let’s chat!

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It was April 10th.  Five days left before taxes were due.  

I’d never been that close to the deadline.  Historically, I’d always done my taxes as soon as I could.  In fact, I used to get impatient waiting for all the documentation to come in the mail.  

But not that year.  That year, I put it off.  And then put it off some more.  And a bit more after that.    

Each time I avoided my taxes there was angst.  There was angst in doing them AND in avoiding them.

Doing the taxes meant facing some fears.  Not doing them meant having to find some justifiable excuse for doing them “later” (which I was pretty good at).   

The goal was to get the taxes done as painlessly as possible.  

I  made obtaining my goal so much harder than it needed to be.   

I did some math and figured if I had given just 15 minutes a day to facing my tax fears, I would have submitted them weeks earlier.  I would have been done with the stress. And, I would’ve had some money back more quickly (yes after all that, I ended up with a refund!)   

A client recently shared this with me.  It’s not new, I just love the way he said it:  

“Good decades are made up of good years, good years are the results of good months, weeks, days, hours and minutes…”

Success is built. It’s the result of a series of small decisions.  It’s a compilation of many small wins (and a bunch of failures too).  

You get to vote for what the future looks like with your choices, your actions right now.  The actions you choose today matter.   They compound, like interest.   

So, today, regardless of where you are on your journey with your goals, I encourage you to find an easy win.  Today, on this very day, what’s some small way you can contribute to the future you really want to have?   

Maybe it’s spending 15 minutes on your goal to get your taxes done.  Even when you’d rather zip line over gator infested waters.   

Maybe it’s ordering the salad instead. Maybe it’s setting the alarm 15 minutes earlier. Maybe it’s dinner at the table. Maybe it’s smiling in the mirror.

Simply make some easy, completely doable decisions for yourself today.  Collect lots of small wins.

Your future self will thank you.  

If you have any questions or need a hand along the way I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.  

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Today I found the perfect Thank You card.  For myself. 

Yep, I’m writing myself a Thank You card.  I want to thank me for the progress I have made on my goals so far this year.  Nope, I’m not done with my #Triumphant2020 goals. Not even close. But, I am closer than I was.  I’ve met milestones. And that requires celebration.

As leaders, we know employee recognition is important.  We’re aware that acknowledging the successes of our team members has significant impacts.  The right recognition can lead to increased engagement, higher quality work, lower attrition, higher profits and more.  

The positive results we see are rooted in science.  Each time humans earn a reward dopamine is released.  Humans like how dopamine feels so they repeat the behavior. 

We can make this simple law of nature work for ourselves and our goals as well.  

It’s not new, it’s not earth-shattering and I think that’s why we don’t actually do it.  It seems too easy, like it shouldn’t work. 

But it does work.  Every time we celebrate it reinforces the idea that success is attainable. It creates momentum to continue.  Even when it’s tough. We begin to think bigger, ultimately raising the limits for what’s possible in our lives.     

Yet we really do not do this well or, let’s be honest, ever.  

We have extremely believable reasons for not doing it.   We don’t have time… It’s too complicated to plan… It’s not really necessary…  There are more important things to be done…  

What we are really saying is “I don’t think it’s worth the effort.”  

But, what if it is worth it? Test me on this.  Assign yourself a milestone somewhere on the path of your #Triumphant2020 goal.  Decide right now what the reward will be (I’m helping you out with a pretty awesome list of 7 ideas, just click here).  Then, all you have to do is follow-through.  

What you’ll find is that there’s joy, fun, and excitement all along the way to the end goal – not just at the finish line as we often mistakenly believe.  You’ll become excited to keep moving forward.  You’ll actually WANT to put forth the effort to get that next milestone.  And why not?? There’s a celebration waiting – and it’s exactly the kind you like.    

If you have any questions or need a hand along the way I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.

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“I’m reminded,” he begins, “of a famous cartoon. It’s of a prisoner, shaking the bars, desperately trying to get out—but to his right and left, it’s open, no bars.”

He pauses, allowing the image to sink in.

“All the prisoner has to do is walk around. But still, he frantically shakes the bars. That’s most of us. We feel completely stuck, trapped in our emotional cells, but there’s a way out—as long as we’re willing to see it.”

I read Lori Gottlieb’s book “Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” last year and at first, the excerpt above just did not make sense to me.  The author’s therapist is telling her that she, like the prisoner, can escape her turmoil.

If there’s a way out why doesn’t the prisoner just take it?

Then, I was reminded of my own hangups and habits.  The ones I still haven’t shaken. The ones that keep me shackled.  The ones that I could slay if I just became willing enough to step to the left or right.

Have you ever noticed yourself trying to solve the same problem, or a similar version of the same problem, over and over again in your life?

Here’s why you are not putting a stop to it once and for all.  

It’s actually more convenient to have the problem.  There’s a benefit, a secondary gain, in keeping the problem.  

For example, Carlye desperately wants to change up her career.  She says she feels “trapped”. She’s been wanting this for a few years now. She wants a higher-level position in a completely different industry.  And yet, she still finds herself in the same position at the same company.  

For her, meeting her goal of getting a new position in a new industry means letting go of the comfort of knowing what each workday brings.  It means taking responsibility for creating the change. It means figuring out how and taking on risk.  

Short-term it’s far more comfortable to stay behind the bars of her current career than it is to put forth the effort to step left or right. 

Long-term success is built upon our willingness to step left or right, even when it’s inconvenient or uncomfortable to do so.  

Which way will you step today?  Need a hand? I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.

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It was shortly before Christmas when I came across a pile of clothes I’ve been needing to sort through and donate.  I found the pile as I was preparing the guest room for holiday visitors. Getting that room ready was just one of what felt like a bazillion tasks that all needed to be done ASAP.  I looked at the pile and sighed. It had been waiting for me to take action for a long time.    

I almost shoved it on the top shelf of the closet so I could move on to the other things that needed my attention.  “It can wait a while longer,” I thought.  

But then, I remembered a profound lesson from 2019.  A lesson I’m committed to bringing into 2020. One I think could benefit all of us. 

It’s a simple statement from James Clear’s book “Atomic Habits”:  

“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”   — James Clear 

One of my 2020 goals is to organize my home a bit more, clear some clutter, create more space.  I set out to eliminate 400 items by the end of March. I’m not sure I even have that many things I want to donate or toss, but that’s my goal.  I suspect I’m going to be surprised at how quickly 400 items add up.

With Mr. Clear’s lesson at the forefront of my mind, I knew that shoving the pile of clothes in the closet was NOT the vote I wanted to cast.  

It would have been easy to talk myself out of casting the best vote. It was still 2019, not even time yet to start working on my 2020 goal.  The clothes I got rid of wouldn’t even count towards the 400 (because I hadn’t set the number yet).  However, that all mattered much less than the impact of the choice I was about to make. By seeing my actions as a vote either for or against becoming the person who completes her declutter goal… it was a game-changer.   

I want to be a person who follows through, does what she says she’s going to do, and achieves her goals.  Who doesn’t?  

So, I sorted through the clothes.  I voted for my future self.   A small vote, but I think every vote counts.

Which version of you are you voting for today?  Could you use a hand casting your best vote? I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.    

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Last week I encouraged you to choose a goal for 2020 just because it’s something you really want to achieve.  I told you that it doesn’t have to be altruistic or worthwhile in the eyes of other people. You go after it just because you want to.

But what happens when the “want to” wears off?

You know it often does.  Countless studies show we give up on our goals and resolutions within just a few days or weeks of making them.  But, we don’t start off that way. We start off all enthusiastic. We are committed. We see the possibility.  

Then, if we’re brave, we make a plan. 

And that, my friends, is where most of us set ourselves up for failure – the plan, or the lack thereof. 

Most often I see one of two things happen…

1. There is no plan – You’ve heard all the greats say it… It goes something like this: “A goal without a plan is just a wish, dream, hope (insert intangible, amorphous noun here)”.  Without some sort of tangible next steps we just aren’t likely to arrive at the intended destination.        
2. The plan isn’t a good one – When we are actually in the mood to make a plan we typically aren’t anticipating obstacles.  We’re running on positivity and in the moment, as we are making the plan, we’re motivated. We might fall into the trap of expecting we’ll feel this same way throughout the pursuit of our goal.  In that case, we overlook planning for the obstacles, challenges, stumbling blocks that inevitably come.   

If our plan is dependant upon us feeling as good as we did when we made the plan, then it’s a bad plan.   

You and I both know life happens.  Things don’t go according to plan. They take longer than we thought or circumstances change.  

Face it, things go wrong and our motivation drops.    

We have to anticipate challenges.   We have to envision strategies for these obstacles. Both circumstantial and emotional obstacles must be accounted for.

You don’t need more willpower or discipline in 2020. 

What you need is a plan that accounts for the peaks and valleys of the journey. 

A practical plan for when real life happens.  

Most of us can use a hand in creating this kind of plan.  If that’s you, I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.    

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I’ve shared before that the number one obstacle to accomplishing a goal is the lack of belief.  Doubt can suffocate a goal faster than you can say “Nevermind”. But, before the point of doubting a goal is possible, we have to come up with the goal.  And THAT is where the problem starts for many of us.

When we think about what we want for our future, many of us believe our goals, dreams, and desires should be “acceptable” pursuits.  We muddy up our goals by mixing in what we think we “should” want to do in this world. We set goals we think we ought to set or that other people think we ought to set.    

For example, when I was choosing the area I should focus my coaching practice, I was debating between two, vastly different, areas of concentration. 

Some of you may know that I’ve been impacted by losing loved ones to suicide.  Being a surviving friend or family member after such a tragic event is tough to say the least.  So, at one point, I was considering focusing my practice on helping others who have been touched by suicide.  I knew this population of people would benefit tremendously from coaching.      

At the same time, I had already invested decades focusing on Leadership and Organizational Development in my career.  It’s an area I love working in, it’s fun yet challenging at the same time. I could definitely see myself spending my days coaching in this way and loving it.  

I was torn.  All I wanted was to make sure I chose something meaningful.   

I met with my coach to sort out the conundrum and she helped me to see that “meaningful” is just a mental construct.  It did not matter what concentration I chose, either could be meaningful if I thought of it that way.  

So now back to you.  What do you want for 2020?  What if you picked a goal just because you think it will be interesting, fun, in alignment with the dreams you have for your life?  What if other people’s opinions about your goal being admirable or worthy didn’t matter? What if you just select something just because you want to.  

Your goal does not have to be altruistic or something that you think somehow increases your value as a human (By the way, you’re already 100% worthy and valuable – but that’s another blog post).  You have the freedom to choose anything you want. The only reason you really need to have is one you like. It’s perfectly acceptable for that reason to be “Because I want to”.    

But, having this freedom can also be a challenge.   Having the freedom to choose means we are going to have to hang out with ourselves a bit to figure out what it is that we really want.  What is it that you value? What do you desire? What would you love to create? Do you know? I fear many of us don’t. Maybe you could use a hand figuring it all out.  I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.    

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Think back for a moment on a past performance review.  You probably have a whole bunch of thoughts about the experience.

How the feedback was delivered…  Whether it was accurate or not… Whether anything was missing…  Go ahead take a moment and relive the story of your last review before reading further.

If you are like many of us, the story isn’t a great one.  

Too often, we leave our annual performance review meeting feeling disheartened, resentful, or just plain disappointed.  Some of us are just relieved that silly, obligatory conversation is over with. All the while we really wish vacation would just start already!   

While you’re taking some time off, I encourage you to carve out time for a different kind of annual review.  This may be a hard sell given most of our experiences with reviews but hear me out… 

When I think of an ideal performance review these qualities come to mind:  meaningful, accurate, objective, thorough, holistic, honest, actionable, motivating.  To me, that sounds like a pretty dreamy review. If such a thing existed, I’d have all this valuable wisdom, insight and information specific to ME! I’d have a custom-made plan to help ME grow, evolve, develop, and tap my untapped potential.  That would be GOLD. But that’s not what we get at work, is it?  

Honestly, I don’t even think it’s our job’s job to give that to us the perfect annual review.  It’s really our responsibility to do this for ourselves on a regular basis (Besides, we want to look at areas outside of our career anyway).  We don’t have to judge our boss for not giving us a good performance review experience again this year. We can give ourselves the EXACT kind of review we want to have.  

When was the last time you thought about key areas of your life – career, financial, health & wellness, relationships, dreams & desires for your future?   When have you last taken a good look at how you spend your time and if that’s getting you the results you want? When’s the last time you acknowledged your accomplishments, all things you’re proud of and grateful for in each of these areas?     

In exchange for taking the time to do this for yourself, you get the beginnings of a roadmap to making 2020 truly mind-blowing.  If you need a hand being the best self-reviewer you can be  I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.    

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I often find myself feeling a bit harried this time of year.  Between burgeoning task lists, lack of time, increased financial demands, family dynamics and end of year requirements at work, most of us experience pressure around the holidays.  So, today, I am offering you 3 Simple, Powerful ways to help reduce some of the stress.        

#1 )Time Math – Have clear expectations of what you want to accomplish this holiday season and how long these things take.  There are only so many hours in a day. And, there are only so many days left before it needs to be done. Once we see the math of what we’ve already scheduled + what we want to accomplish, it becomes much easier to prioritize.  Then, we can pare down where necessary. And you’re probably going to have to pare down – most of us overestimate what we can accomplish in a day. Before preparing for the holidays was even a faint glimmer in your mind this year, you were already spending every moment of your time doing something.  What will you have to say “No” to in order to make space for these remaining holiday to-do’s? And, which holiday to-do’s may just have to get lost on the cutting room floor this year? (Yes, that’s an option.)            

#2) Be present – Have you ever driven somewhere, arrived and not recall the commute you JUST took?  Lately, I have been experiencing a similar phenomenon. I’ll catch myself doing one thing but my mind is in a completely different spot.  Usually, I am distracted by thinking about what I’ll be doing next, or thinking about something else I need to do. Whatever it is I am thinking about, it’s NOT about the current reality.  

Japan has a rather old point & call system called shisha kanko.  It was designed to reduce safety incidents on trains. Train operators, in certain higher-risk scenarios, must point and vocalize what they see.  The idea is that by engaging multiple senses, we raise our level of consciousness. So I’ve been trying it. Sometimes I’ll point and just whisper it to myself: “On the phone with Mom”.  Sometimes I just work it into the conversation “I’m in the car, with you, on the way to the airport”.    It actually has raised my awareness.  Not surprising considering it reduced train incidents by up to 85% – it’s clearly effective. 

By increasing my awareness, I’m directing my brain to the here and now.  I’ve found 2 main benefits so far. One, I minimize worry. If I am thinking about my fingers moving about this keyboard to write this blog post right now I can not simultaneously be thinking about what I am doing after this (feed and walk the dogs, in case you were wondering).  Second, I get to actually have the experience. Remember when I announced I was in the car on the way to the airport? I noticed that for the rest of the trip I did not pick up my cell phone. Not once.            

#3) Generate intentional emotion – In the past, I never enjoyed holiday shopping much because mostly it was an “obligation” to me.  In my mind, it was something “I have to do”.  I hate to say it but it used to be a chore, one I wanted off my list ASAP.  How scrooge of me right?? Maybe I am not alone… Either way, I decided I did not want to shop that way this year.  I wanted to feel joy and be intentional with gifting. I started by picking one person on the list. I thought about her, what I love and appreciate most about her.  I felt grateful for her being a part of my life. Then, I set out to shop for her and BOOM! Just like that, I found the perfect gift! Thoughts generate emotions, which drive actions and ultimately create my results.  Just a simple mind shift can completely change our experience.   

No matter what your holiday season is shaping up to be like, you really can feel better about it today.  It truly is possible. Let me know if you can use a hand. I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.

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There’s something symbolic about the year 2020 approaching.  

Every time I hear “2020”, I think of “perfect vision”.  I grew up thinking 20/20 was the gold standard of vision.  And then I learned, there’s vision that’s even better than 20/20!   For so long, I thought 20/20 was desirable and yet all the while there was bigger and better available!  

How often do we do that to ourselves?  Settle for what we THINK the best option is but really, there’s actually something far better…

As we approach the new year, 2020, our thoughts might be turning to what’s next for us in our lives – with our careers, relationships, finances, personal goals, etc.  Consider what’s possible for you and then add a little extra beyond what you think would be awesome. Of course, this is often easier said than done…  

I shared with you last week that I am not on pace to meet my own #2019moonshotgoal.  It would be easy for me to make that mean a lot of things… 

I am not good enough.

I didn’t try hard enough.

I am not capable or smart enough.

Or, I could challenge all of these thoughts.  

Depending on how I choose to view 2019 has EVERYTHING to do with how I will show up for myself as I design 2020.  

If I look at my lack of completing my 2019 goal on time as a failure and make that mean a whole bunch of things about how unworthy I am then, of course, that will be reflected as I plan out my 2020 goals.  

The good news is, the opposite is also true.  I can look back at 2019 and all the strategic byproducts and leverage them to design an amazing new year.   

Want to design an amazing 2020?   I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.   For a limited time, I’m offering a free copy of my new workbook “Goal Getting: Making Success Inevitable” with every discovery session.  This workbook will guide you through setting and getting your 2020 goals. Let’s work together and get to your next!