Author: Deneen Kipp

(<2 minute read time)

Think back to New Year’s Day 2020.  What did you anticipate this year would be like?  

Most, if not all, of us aren’t living life as we envisioned back then.  Things didn’t go as we planned.   

Our circumstances are different than we imagined.  For many of us, the gap between what we anticipated and our actual reality can feel frustrating, frightening, even depressing.    

Despite the gap, we do not have to settle into believing this year is a lost cause.  Yet, many of us have done just that.  We’ve all been hearing versions of “I can’t wait for 2020 to be over” for the last 6 months.  

Why?  Why do we want this year over and done with?

Because we think it’s hard.  

And the truth is, it IS hard for many people.  Lives have been tragically lost.  Businesses have closed.  Many jobs have changed significantly, and others have been eliminated altogether.  Parenting has changed.  Basic essentials have been tough to find.  Having a sense of safety and security may seem elusive.      

So what are we to do when life is just plain hard?  

Most often I see one of two responses…

1. Give up – May sound something like “It’s just not a good year, there’s not much I can do”  
2. Grin and bear it – We try to act like it’s ok when really we feel awful.  This never works effectively or for very long.      

I want to offer a third option. 

Allow it.  

Let it be hard and simultaneously, do what you know needs to be done.  We are not supposed to feel happy all of the time.  In fact, it’s in these most challenging times we experience the most growth.     

Need a hand making the best of the rest of 2020?   I can definitely help.  Click here to chat! 

(<2-minute read time)

You matter. 

You are worthy.  

You are lovable.  

Exactly the way you are.  

You don’t have to be better, smarter, thinner, faster, stronger, richer, or any different than the person you are right now.   The person you are right now is enough.    

What if we actually, really, truly believed those words about ourselves?  What if we did not allow the opinions of others to impact our self-worth?  What if we did not let our own negative self-talk erode our self-worth?

What do you think you could create in your life from that place?  

Some people argue that if they believe themselves to be enough as they are right now, then they won’t have any desire to change for the better.  They ask me: “If I’ve already ‘arrived’, what more is there to do?” or “What if I become complacent?”?  

I don’t think we ever “arrive”.  There will always be gaps between where we are and where we’d like to be.   There is always opportunity for growth and evolution in our lives.    

This leaves up with 2 options… 

1. Approach the gaps in our lives with the belief that we are (or possibly could be) “good enough” 
2. Approach the gaps in our lives with the belief that we are not “good enough”

Try them both on.  Which feels better?  Which do you think will get you better results?
Could you use a hand getting to the place where you believe #1?  I can definitely help.  Just click here and we’ll chat – and it won’t feel anything like Daily Affirmations with Stuart Smalley – I promise.    

(2-minute read time)

Ever have one of those days that feels like Murphy was an optimist?  One of those days where if it can go wrong, it will, and it’s going to happen all on that same day?

On one such day I was dusting and broke a vase, one of my favorites (naturally).  I put the larger pieces in a trash bag and got the vacuum to clean up the shards.  As I was cleaning, the vacuum was just close enough to the trash bag to suck up the handles (of course).  

What do you suppose my immediate reaction was?    

Slam my hand down on the bag.  You know, the bag OF BROKEN GLASS?!?!

It was a reflex.  Just like when doc hits your knee with that little triangle hammer.  

There was no time for my brain to analyze the contents of the bag before deciding it was imperative that I rescue the bag from the vacuum (or was I rescuing the vacuum from the bag?  I have no idea…)

After the vacuum and the bag were successfully extricated from one another, I thought back on what happened.  I was fascinated by the speed of this reflex and how it could have been a pretty gruesome outcome.  You can breathe a sigh of relief, I wasn’t terribly injured.  I happened to land in such a way that I only endured barely a scratch.  (Guess it wasn’t such a bad day after all)

Our thoughts, opinions, judgments can be a lot like our physical reflexes.  They can happen instantly, they are “Reflex Thoughts”.  

Reflexive Thoughts are not inherently a problem.  They may even be very good thoughts that are helpful & useful.  However, they are often responsible for creating and/or perpetuating problems in your life.  

One way to tell if your “Reflexive Thoughts” are serving you is to simply take a look at them.  We have about 70,000 thoughts per day.  Observe some of them.  Write them down.  Notice if they are positive, neutral, or negative.  

Consider the idea that these thoughts are the things that actually determine what kind of day you have.  Those days add up into weeks, months, years, and ultimately a lifetime.  Consider the idea that every single one of your thoughts is optional.  Are your thoughts reflective of the kind of life you want to be living?  Most of us can use a hand with this part.  If that’s you, I can definitely help.  Click here to chat!      

(2 minute read time) 

So, you followed all 6 secrets and stuff still went undone.  

Now is not the time to beat yourself up for not getting it done.  Nor is it time to give up on the 6 secrets.  

It’s time to get curious and creative.  It’s time for Bonus Secret #7: Fail forward.

It is absolutely imperative that you do this kindly.  Making a mistake does not automatically mean you’re a failure but if you chastise yourself for your performance, you will surely feel like one.  Instead, imagine your best friend told you she just made this same mistake – address the situation with yourself exactly the same way you would with her.  You’d never tell her she’s a loser for having fallen short. You’d never tell her she should probably just give up.   Instead, focus on how to handle things differently in the future instead of ruminating on the error itself.  

When you direct your brain towards problem-solving mode it will show up for you in wonderfully surprising ways!         

What did not get done	What happened?	Strategies to make this a win next time
Missed 1 of my 3 workouts	I overslept, was tired from working late the night before	Be more realistic with weekly work goals Negotiate timeframes/deadlines with my boss   Wake up and work out even when I don’t feel like it Temporarily reduce quantity of workouts when demands at the office are high and inflexible

That’s it my friends!  These are all the secrets to spending your precious time with intention.  I promise if you do this work you will surprise yourself with how much you can get done and how amazing you feel.  

When we’re intentional with our time we not only get more done, we create amazing results which creates more confidence, and the ambition to accomplish even more!  A great way to continue this work towards becoming intentional with your time and your life is to have someone that will help you sort through the noise.  Let’s chat, I can definitely help.       

Six Secrets to Tame your Time: Secret #6

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If you’ve gotten this far, you’re pretty motivated to gain control of your schedule and manage your time well.  Now, you just need to know how to make it really stick this time.  

The trick here is not will-power.  It’s not gritting your teeth and pressing through.  It’s not mantras or positive affirmations.  The trick is based in science.  

Your primitive brain does NOT want you to do all the things you just put on your calendar.  Instead, it wants to convince you to:

1. Seek pleasure 
2. Avoid pain 
3. Conserve energy 

You must use your higher brain, the prefrontal cortex, to override these innate desires to make life easy & comfortable.  You must monitor your thoughts.  You must notice them and question them.  

Most of us don’t do this. Instead, a thought appears (i.e. – “I don’t feel like going to the gym”), we accept it as truth and we honor it.  Aaaaaaand, we don’t end up going to the gym.  Instead, we end up busying ourselves with something else that is not a priority and then we wonder why we feel so stretched for time.

Here are some tips to avoid this common trap:      

• Be specific – Always make your appointments results-based appointments.  Never, ever make an appointment that is too vague.  For example, “Work on resume” means far less than “Choose new resume template”.  This keeps you focused and far more efficient.  Plus, you get the satisfaction of completing mini-goals along the way!  

• Anticipate your commitment level – Only put appointments on your calendar that you are 100% committed to doing.  Your calendar is NOT a To-Do list, it is an appointment book.  Make the appointments for the time of day when you know you’re able to do them.  

• Honor your appointments with yourself – Treat them the same as you would if it were a meeting with someone else.  We’re often much more committed to other people than our own selves.  Consider any appointments with yourself the same as if a friend were waiting for you at a restaurant or an important meeting with your boss at work.  Your relationship with yourself is more important than those relationships could ever be.    

• Plan for obstacles –  Consider all of the things that could get in the way.  Write them all down.  Then, beside each obstacle identify at least one strategy to overcome it.  

• No motivation?  No problem. – Expect that when the time comes you won’t feel like doing it.  Nothing has gone wrong, it’s completely normal.  The secret is to be willing to experience the discomfort of doing something you do not feel like doing, and just go do it anyway.  Sometimes motivation and inspiration are just a bonus.  Often getting started is the hardest part and you’ll quickly forget about that bad case of the “I don’t wanna’s”.            

• Pitch perfectionism – Feeling like we have to do it perfectly can make any task seem daunting.  Go into the task committed to the result and committed to doing your best to get it to “good enough”.  You can always go back and refine things later.  

• Celebrate good times c’mon! – Consider how you can reward yourself for following through on what you said you would do.  This doesn’t have to be time-consuming.  It can be as simple as taking a 5-minute break in between tasks.  Or, an even faster one that I love is changing the color of the tasks/appointments on my Google calendar as I complete them.  It gives me such a sense of satisfaction to look back at the end of the day and see all of those blue appointments turned purple!   

If you follow this process you will develop an amazing relationship with yourself.  You will begin to believe that you really can create any result you want in life.  You will trust that when you say you will do something you will do it.  You will know that if something goes on your calendar it is as good as done because of the integrity you have with yourself.

If it feels like this is all just too much or too hard, wait – don’t give up yet.  Let’s chat, I can definitely help.    

Secret 5: Make it manageable    

You know that frustrating feeling where you are just fed up and ready for a change?  When we get to that point we often try to make drastic, massive changes — and they never stick (think New Year’s Resolutions).  This is EXACTLY the reason why I had you practice constraint in Secret #2.  

Relax.  Breathe.  

This. Is. Not. A. Race.       

Your current results are a reflection of your current habits.  We’re working to change your habits and studies prove it is far more effective to do so incrementally.  James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, tells us that if we improve just 1% each day we will be 37x better after just one year.  

1% improvement in anything is totally manageable. 

The banking industry latched on to this idea by launching savings programs allowing you to round up your purchases and add it to savings.  So when you pay for that Grande Skinny Caramel Macchiato that costs $4.79, it gets rounded up to $5.00 and 0.21¢ is deposited into savings.  If you’re trying to save for a vacation that costs $1,000 saving just  0.21¢ is a small step in that direction that is totally manageable.  You probably wouldn’t even notice the 0.21¢ but it IS a contribution towards your vacation plans.         

So how do I get just 1% better you ask?  

Here are some suggestions: 

• Maintain good habits you already have – In an effort to create new habits, we sometimes lose sight of the value of what we’re already doing that’s working well!  So, if you’re already going to the gym or meditating or reading the kids a bedtime story every night and it’s working for you, don’t stop!  In fact, consider praising yourself for the commitment instead of dismissing it.  

• Be fully present – In his book, The Practicing Mind, Thomas M. Sterner tells a story where he shaved off 40% of the normal time it took him to tune a piano simply by trying to do it as slowly as possible.  It sounds counterintuitive at first, but when we are fully present and engaged with what we are doing we make fewer mistakes and ultimately gain efficiencies.  

• Practice “Clean-tasking” – Multitasking is a myth.  There are very few things we can do simultaneously – maybe walking and chewing gum.  But, for things that require thought our brains can only focus on one task at a time.  Rarely are we truly “multitasking”.  Instead, we “switch tasking” and studies prove this takes significantly longer.  We can reclaim time by committing to “Clean-tasking” which means we focus solely on one task at a time, complete it, and then move on to the next.

• Identify and go after mini-goals – You’ve heard the old saying “How do you eat an elephant?  One bite at a time”.  Consider your current results and make a commitment to marginal but prompt improvement.  For example, I wear a Fitbit which tells me the average number of steps I took last week was 11,200 per day.  If I want to increase to 12,000 per day, I’m not going to add 800 steps a day right out of the gate.  Instead, I might add 200 steps a day this week and then an additional 200 the following week until I get to the new average of 12,000.  This makes improvement far more do-able.

• Locate and eliminate “Time-stealers” – If you’ve ever found yourself asking “Where did all the time go??” I suggest you go find out.  Consider tracking your activities with a time tracking app to get a big picture view of where you spend time.  Most people who do this are amazed at the time stealers that invade their days!  Enter the data honestly with a mindset of curious discovery. When you review the data just ask yourself “How does this line up with my priorities and goals?”.  (PS – If you are wondering about a good app to use – Clockify, Harvest and Toggl are all good options that have free versions available).

Undoubtedly, there are many ways beyond just these suggestions to improve by 1%.  WHAT you choose to do is nowhere near as important as your commitment to actually improving and the reasons why you want to.  If you could use a hand untangling all that, I can definitely help – just click here to chat.  

(<3-minute read time) 

Secret 4: Everything else comes later than you think  

Most people do Secret #4 first and that is exactly why we’re stretched for time.   

Your schedule should be about who you want to be, not what you “have to do”.  I put that in quotes because there is quite literally NOTHING we have to do.  Sure, there may be consequences for not doing something.  Obviously, if I don’t pay my taxes on time I will face penalty fees.  It’s still a choice.  

How we spend our time is always a choice.  

Our goal here is to make sure we are choosing consciously and in a way that propels us towards our potential, towards our dreams.  So, now that you have decided WHO you want to be, we get to work on how to make that a reality.      

What goes here really depends on what you wrote in Secret #2.   Here’s how it works:

1. Look back at who you said you want to be
2. Brainstorm all the actions you may need to do to make your desired future a reality
3. Commit to creating a habit by deciding how often you will do these activities     
4. Put these actions on your calendar  & follow the plan

As a leadership development coach, one of the examples I like to offer here is proactive employee development.  Leaders are often so busy in the day to day of managing we don’t take enough time to connect with team members specifically to learn about their career goals and discover ways we can support them.   It’s a shame because it holds us all back.  Leaders stay overwhelmed trying to do everything and later, there’s no one to take our place when we get promoted.  So, if one of the things you said in Secret #2 was that you wanted to be a successful leader, then consider adding employee development in order to help yourself and others achieve goals.  

Maybe you put something else down for Step #2.  Here’s a chart of examples: 

Who I want to be…..	Actions to take….	Frequency I can commit to
A successful leader	Employee Development	Five hours per week
An amazing spouse	Date night	Once a month
A loving parent	Ask my child about their day, be fully present, engaged, actively listen	Every school/summer camp day
A millionaire	Personal and professional development	Twice a week
A published author	Writing	Three hours a week
A marathon runner	Training time	45-60 minutes three times a week

Your turn.  Identify the specific actions you will take to move you towards the person you want to become.  You might be saying “But wait!!  What about everything else???”  

I hear you!  I get it, I know the groceries are not going to just appear in the fridge, the house is not going to clean itself, and the bills aren’t just going to miraculously get paid.   I promise you, the rest of your To-Do’s in life will fall into their proper perspective using this method.  

We’re building new habits and eventually you’ll gain space and time by being able to do these without effort.  I’ve found most of our “lost” time is the result of wishy-washy decisions.  Strong decisions become commitments which then become habits.  Good habits, like bad ones, bring an element of craving.  We begin to desire them and they become easy.               

At first, it will likely be hard and most of us could use a hand.  If that’s you,  let’s chat, I can definitely help.   

(2-minute read time) 

Secret #3, self-care, is one many of us resist.  I think that’s because we don’t really know what it is.  

The term “self-care” often conjures up images of bubble baths, face masks, and pedicures.  I call malarkey on that!  Sure those things are nice, if you like that sort of thing.  But, the truth is self-care is far more meaningful  And, it is utterly crucial to becoming the person you identified in Secret #2.  Countless studies have shown that without self-care humans suffer the following consequences: 

• Increased physical illness 
• Impaired personal and professional relationships 
• Decreased self-esteem 

So, in short, taking care of yourself is not at all selfish.  Instead, it is one of the most responsible, intelligent things you can do for yourself and those around you.  

I know many of you are probably going to resist this but I want you to make self-care a non-negotiable priority. 

You cannot pour from an empty pitcher.  These actions are not a luxury, they are a critical ingredient to becoming the version of yourself that you really want to be.     

Free Time:  This is your first self-care activity.  Every single day, give yourself completely unscheduled, free time.  Yes, every day.  Even if it’s just 10 minutes.  Start small, even teeny-tiny, if you have to.  The number of minutes truly does not matter.  Just get into the practice of having free, unoccupied time.  When that time pops up, you can do whatever you want with it.  You can make a phone call to a friend or mentor, take care of a small personal errand, meditate, read your favorite blog or enjoy doing absolutely nothing at all.            

Other self-care options:  You must have additional self-care activities.  Some activities might be every day, some might be once a week or once a month – it’s up to you, just make sure it’s on there.  Maybe you have no idea what to list here because you have been so busy taking care of everyone else.  If that’s you – here are some things I like include: 

• Physical fitness – running, yoga, strength training, walking the dog 
• Spiritual fitness – quiet time, church, volunteer work 
• Mental/Emotional fitness – reading, writing, meditation, meeting with my coach, chat with a friend       

In the space below I’ve started a chart for you.  Write down at least 3 more self-care activities you are willing to commit to and how often you will do them: 

Self Care Activity	Frequency
Free time	10 minutes per day

I know some of you might be thinking; “How can I add even one more thing on my calendar??”.  If you’re feeling that way go back and revisit Secret #2, or even better let’s chat.   I can definitely help.   

(2-minute read time) 

Last week I asked you to consider your thoughts about time.  The answers you came up with are truly critical – so, if you haven’t completed it, go back now.  

This week, I have a new question for you.  A simple, but not easy, question.  

Who do you want to be?

Few of us would answer this question by saying “Overwhelmed, stressed, busy, exhausted” yet that’s our reality. 

We are so busy IN our lives, we do not take time to take a step back and work ON our lives.  You may have no idea how to step back and look at it with a fresh perspective.  It’s ok, I’ve got you covered.  This is what Secret #2 is all about.    

Ask yourself, “Who do I want to be?” or “Who do I want to work towards becoming”.  Take some time to marinate on this a bit and truly consider all possibilities. 

Who do you want to be? A loving parent?  A successful leader?  An amazing spouse?  A millionaire?  

Maybe you want to be physically fit?  A published author?  A community leader?  A world traveler one day?     

Let your mind peruse all the possibilities and write them down.  Notice the word “all”.  I mean ALL.  Observe the answers your brain gives you – and DO NOT allow it to talk you out of anything, yet.  If you think it, it goes on the list.  Deal?  

When that’s done, you’ll probably have to practice the skill of constraint.  It just isn’t likely that you will write a book, get your Ph.D., raise your children, start a non-profit, plan a trip to Australia, grow your side-hustle, be president of the PTO, improve your marriage and learn how to make a killer gluten-free lemon meringue pie all while slaying it at your full-time job right?  

Ask yourself which of the things you listed above are MOST meaningful and important to you.  Avoid the trap of picking things based on how easy or hard you think they may be.  Make how meaningful they are to you the most important factor that decides whether they get to stay on the list.    

I suggest choosing just one or two (three if you must) to begin.  Focus on those first.  Be realistic, be kind, pare down if you need to – it’s ok.  I promise you will get more done when you exercise constraint.  Committing to everything is simply unrealistic.  

A laser beam puts off much smaller light than a light bulb, yet it can travel much farther distance with a higher concentration of energy.   Be like a laser.  Be focused.  You can always add more later.  

This work requires us to dive in and ask ourselves some tough questions.  Sometimes, that can be tough to do alone.  Need a hand?  I can definitely help, just click here to chat.     

(2 minute read time) 

Ever wish there were more hours in the day?  I used to think about how awesome it would be if there were two of me and at least 28 hours in a day.  Since that was never going to happen, I decided to find an actual solution.  One that truly works to tame the beast that was my schedule.  

I developed a process that turned things around from frenzied, frantic, and incomplete to purposeful, poised, and finished!   Learning to spend my time intentionally has been the game changer my life needed.  It can be your game changer too.  

Time is the most valuable resource we have.  Even more so than money.  We can make more money, we can’t make more time.  With that in mind, wouldn’t it make sense to be sure we’re spending our most precious resource purposefully?  

I know, I know – you may think you have heard it all before.  Maybe you’ve listened to experts.  Maybe you committed to trying what they said.  And, maybe you really did try.  Maybe you bought the planner, organized, and prioritized.  Yet somehow, the demands of life still leave you feeling exhausted.  There is always more to do than there is time to do it.  Balance seems out of reach.      

That’s. Just. Not. True.  

Test me on this.  Read this and the next 5 posts.  Commit to implementing these ideas and watch what happens.  You’ll be amazed.  This is the secret you’ve been needing to find more of your most precious resource – time.  

I’ll be honest, this is a very thorough process.  It might feel like quite an undertaking.  However, consider this as an investment.  Much like the old adage about having to spend money to make money, here we have to spend time to make time.  I promise you’ll reap back all the time you spent implementing this and more!  

In just 6 weeks, you can be amazed – but only if you choose to do the work.

Secret #1:  Time is….   

Complete the sentence “Time is ______”.  

Is time fast? Hard to manage? Is there not enough of it?  Let all of your thoughts about time come up and capture them.  

We need to bring awareness to your thoughts about time so do yourself a favor and actually write or type your answers here. Don’t just do this in your mind.

Your answers will reveal a lot about your relationship with time.  As you review your answers, decide which answers you like that will propel you to make better use of your time.  Notice the unhelpful ones and keep an eye out for them…   

Need a hand?  I can definitely help.  Just click here to chat!