The unhelpful stories we make up… And, how to create better ones

(<3 minute read time)

Ya know those certain spots on your commute where you can just expect there to be a traffic hassle?  You may not live where I do but you probably have experienced this.  

There’s this one exit I take now and again, it’s a long one-lane exit (that really should be at least two lanes if you ask me).  It’s pretty much a guarantee every time I take that exit someone is going to try and scoot over in front of me at the last minute.  

This used to really get under my skin.  “Oh I see blankity-blank-blank, your time is so much more valuable than mine.  Please, go right ahead” I would say aloud angrily (as if they could hear me). Then, I would “let” them over and seeth over how inconsiderate they were.  

This is just a small example of the many “stories” we all tell ourselves.  We can’t help it. Our brains pick up clues around us and then piece the clues together to explain them and make sense of them.  We wrap the clues up in a story.  

In my case, the story I told myself required believing the other driver was inconsiderate, selfish, rude and purposefully so.  This “logical” explanation had really very little to do with the facts. I had no idea who this other driver was, where they were going, or why they were not in the exit lane earlier.  I could not possibly KNOW he/she was a self-centered jerk, my brain just made up that story.  

This is an important concept to get a hold of.  If we are not careful, we will believe we are just taking in observations of the world around us.  

What parts of your day are you telling yourself a story about and is the story serving you?     

The good news is, if you choose to, you can override this automated storytelling function of your brain.  You can direct the way the story gets written. All of a sudden that jerk in traffic can become someone totally different.  

The same is true for the stories you tell about the far more impactful parts of your life.  You can take the clues you have about your career, your family, even yourself and wrap them up in a story that serves you much better!  

Please do not read this as: “Make up stuff that isn’t true so you can feel good” when what I am really saying is “Find the absolute facts and decide on purpose what you want to make the facts mean”.   

In short, your brain will be authoring a story whether you choose to direct it or not.  Why not do it on purpose?  

Often we are too close to our own stuff to discern fact from fiction, a helpful story from an unhelpful story.  Most of us can use an objective perspective. I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.