Go ahead, earn some haters

(2.5 minute read time)

You may be thinking I had a little too much eggnog this holiday season.  You may be asking yourself “Why would I want to earn haters??”

Here’s why.  

It means you are showing up in the world in an authentic way.  

Let’s be clear.  I am not talking about going out there and deliberately trying to be disruptive, rude, disrespectful, hurtful.

What I am talking about is being brave enough to be you, the real you.  To stop putting some version of you out there that you believe people will like.

Brene Brown calls it “Wholehearted”.  People who live from a place of worthiness, of being enough.  People who are willing to be vulnerable because at the end of the day, it does not really matter if someone likes you or not – you are still enough.

Our human brains are literally wired to seek acceptance, to avoid rejection at all costs.  Guy Winch Ph.D. describes it this way:  “In our hunter/gatherer past, being ostracized from our tribes was akin to a death sentence, as we were unlikely to survive for long alone…[therefore] the brain developed an early warning system to alert us when we were at risk for ostracism”.  That’s great because it got us to this point in our evolution. The problem is that wiring still exists and rejection no longer equates to certain death.

As leaders we make difficult decisions.  We share unpopular news or policy changes. We have concern about how theses decisions and changes will be received.

I am not suggesting that we disregard how our team members receive our messages.  I am not suggesting that our leadership styles do not matter. What I am suggesting is that the opinions of others have everything to do with them and nothing to do with your worthiness as a leader or a human being.  Your worthiness, and theirs, is already decided – it’s 100%.  

When you show up as your true self, there will those who appreciate who you are and others who do not.  If your authentic self is willing to be bold and brave, you may even earn some haters.

My coach often says “You can be the juiciest peach in the world and there’s still going to be someone who doesn’t like peaches”.  

By the way, I do not like peaches.  At all. Even the smell is awful to me.  That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with peaches.                

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