Stop trying so darn hard to be happy: Avoiding the trap of toxic positivity

(Less than 2-minute read time)

I like to start my day by taking time to set the tone.  I have quiet time and set my intention for the day.  I choose something that feels good and will fuel whatever I have scheduled.  And then life happens… 

I’ll cross paths with grumpy people.  Something unexpected happens – an illness, injury, car problem, house repair, or work problem.  I’ll stub my toe and spill my coffee.   Sometimes it’s several of these things.   

That positive intention I once had crumbles faster than a Nature Valley granola bar.  And I find myself feeling frustrated, annoyed, irritated.  Often I become severely distracted if not completely demotivated.

How the heck are we supposed to be positive when there’s crud going on all around us?

We’re not.  

It’s not about being positive.  It’s about being authentic.  

Toxic positivity is an actual thing.  It’s the pressure to “look on the bright side” or “just be grateful”, instead of allowing ourselves to actually experience anything as negative.  The problem is we DO have negative emotions and denying them or feeling bad about having them only makes something that already feels bad, feel even worse.  

So, stop trying to be happy or positive all of the time.  None of us were wired that way.  

Start being ok with not being ok.  Allow yourself to feel what you ARE feeling even if it’s undesirable and uncomfortable.  

Because here’s the thing – avoiding negative emotion is also uncomfortable.  Not to mention ineffective.  As Brene Brown said, “We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions”. 

Positive AND negative emotions are a part of the human experience.  Most of us prefer the positive and in doing so we actually end with more of the very thing we’re trying to avoid.  Could you use a hand being ok with not being ok?  I can definitely help.  Click here to chat!