3 new ways to boost your confidence. Fast!

(4-minute read time)

Sweaty palms, racing heartbeat, visions of totally blowing it… Have you been there? Yeah, me too.  

Interviews, public speaking, corrective action issues, networking events – any of these things can send us into a tailspin of nerves.

Most of the time we think that if we had experience in whatever it is we are nervous about we would not be nervous.  We think experience = confidence.  

This is going to come as a surprise to many of you but experience does NOT equal confidence.     

Just because I have done something before, even several times before does not mean I am confident.  In fact, in order to have done it the first time I had to, despite the lack of evidence from my past, have some level of confidence that I could accomplish it.  So if it does not come from experience where does it come from? 

First, let’s define confidence.  

I used to think confidence meant that I thought only good things about myself.  Now, I know that confidence means being aware that I am great in some ways, not so great in others AND that my shortcomings can not disqualify me from having confidence.    

Which leads us to the #1 way you can begin increasing your self-confidence today.  Think about yourself on purpose.  What are you great at?  What are you not so great at –  what are your opportunities to learn, grow, evolve?  What are you making those opportunities mean? I want you to seriously consider taking just 5 minutes today to answer these questions.  Commit to answering the questions. Then answer them. Then choose. It’s all just your opinion anyway and you can choose any opinion you want.  Choosing an opinion of yourself that serves you is one of the best confidence boosters ever! (Note: This may be easier said than done, if you are struggling with this – find two good and one not-so-good qualities and just practice.)   

Let’s talk about a second place self-confidence can come from: Committing to a goal, outcome or result.  In my corporate career, I taught public speaking courses.  Every session included a room full of nervous participants.  Funny thing is, they had no idea I was nervous too. Even after thousands of hours of facilitating training courses I still get nervous (more proof that confidence does NOT come from experience).   Despite my nerves, I was committed to the learners. I was committed to helping them learn and committed to being an example that it is indeed possible to do public speaking AND be nervous. I knew that no matter what I was going to show up with my A-game and do my best. That commitment created confidence.    

Once you commit to a goal with an “all-in, 100%, no matter what” kind of commitment the next place confidence will come from is the Willingness to fail.  I have written several posts about failure and you can learn more about what I think about failure by visiting here & here.  In short, failure itself is never bad.  It’s what we make it mean about ourselves that feels awful.  We end up talking terribly to ourselves about ourselves after a failure.  

All of that self-harassment we do on the backside of failure is optional.  But for the sake of argument, let’s just say we can’t help it. Let’s just say we know for sure we’re going to give ourselves a lashing after a failure.  So what?? The worst thing that can possibly happen is that we feel bad about ourselves. It’s just negative emotion and there is no emotion you can’t handle.  For my public speaking learners, it was not the ability to speak in front of people that created their confidence. It was the belief that even if they failed, they would be ok.  

So to recap, here are 3 new ways you can generate confidence today:

1. Think about yourself on purpose. You don’t have to think you are amazing to have self-confidence.  Like all of us, you have amazing qualities and you have some places to work on.  You just have to think about yourself on purpose and embrace it, all of it.
2. Commit to a goal, outcome or result.  Committing (really, really committing) to a goal, outcome or result generates confidence because when we are truly committed we will keep taking action even when it feels hard or we don’t feel like doing it.  When we persevere we build confidence. It doesn’t even have to be a big goal, just something that challenges you a bit is perfect!
3. Be willing to fail.  When we face the possibility of failure and do so knowing for sure we will be ok even if we fail, it creates confidence.  This willingness to fail allows us to show up even when the odds are against us and we have the opportunity to prove to ourselves failure isn’t the worst possible scenario.   The worst possible scenario is letting fear rule and not showing up in the first place.                  

Self-confidence is one of the areas clients ask me about the most.  Yet most of them think they are the only one who feels this way. Can you relate?  I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.   We will just chat and you will get a taste of what having a personal trainer for your brain is like!