Month: November 2020

(2-minute read time) 

So you just survived Thanksgiving – how’d it go? Did it get you all revved up for the December holidays?  

If your answer is “No!” – I totally get it.  Holidays can be stressful and emotional even without a pandemic adding to it all.  You may be feeling sad over Thanksgiving having been reduced to a Zoom meeting,  Or, perhaps you got together with family and found that the in-laws, siblings, and conversations about current events were just all too much (once again). 

Depending on your experience last week, you may be tempted to dread the next few weeks.  You may anticipate not being able to be with family and feel sad.  You may be planning to gather with family and how to handle the annoying things that your weird Uncle Darryl does.    

Here are three tips to help you make the next few weeks much more enjoyable, regardless of how Thanksgiving went.  

1. Be where you are – If you’re not getting together with family and anticipate being sad about that, you’re actually feeling sad NOW about something in the future.  When we do this, we remove the ability to experience joy in the present moment.  And, we block creative ideas to make the best of a socially distanced holiday. 
2. Drop the “should” – Go ahead and expect the other people in your life who will be on the call or at the dinner to be exactly who they always are.  Don’t waste your time spinning on how they “should” behave or what they “should” do.    Instead, move to Tip #3.    
3. Decisions ahead of time – Whether you’ll be gathering virtually or in-person, you can decide now what the rest of the holiday season will be like.  You can decide how you’ll react when other people behave the same way they always do.  Instead of wishing they were different, allow them to be who they are (they’re going to anyway).  Spend your time deciding on a response that aligns with the kind of holidays you’d really like to have.  

Holidays do not have to equal stress.  Need a hand removing some?  I can definitely help.  Click here to chat!  

(Less than 3 minute read time)

Thanksgiving is upon us once again.  We know we are supposed to feel and express our gratitude in this season, but as I sit down to write this I’m acutely aware that so many are struggling with loss.  

Around the globe, people are dealing with loss.  Loss of “normalcy”, loss of work, loss of health, or the loss of a loved one.  Whatever loss looks like, most of us have experienced some form of it this year.  

How are we supposed to be grateful with so much loss all around?

1. Drop the should – If we are only trying to be grateful because we think we are “supposed to” or we “should” it becomes about “checking the box” versus expressing and experiencing genuine appreciation.  If you are going to spend any time being grateful, do it because you actually want to – not because you are fulfilling some imaginary requirement.  

2. Grow your “want to” –  Tip #1 doesn’t mean that those of us who aren’t feeling exceptionally grateful right now should just drop it and move on.  Instead, consider if you even want gratitude?  Consider the benefits…  Studies show that gratitude has numerous benefits.  It releases our “happy chemicals” – serotonin and dopamine.  Gratitude sparks brain activity that supports sleep, metabolism,  and higher cognitive function.  It increases our immune systems as well as our mental resilience (two especially important benefits during a pandemic).  Even if it’s hard to be grateful right now that’s ok – can you allow yourself to move an inch closer to it by acknowledging the benefits and becoming willing to want them?     

3. Allow the opposite to also be true – Choosing gratitude does not mean we deny reality.  It does not mean that the challenging negative parts of our lives are to be stuffed and ignored.  While it is impossible to feel grateful AND a competing negative emotion simultaneously, this does not mean we shelf the negative permanently.  Instead, we can pursue gratitude AND make space for processing the other emotions that are a part of being a human on the planet. 

4. Make it fun – This year we’re doing a gratitude wall.  We got colored paper circles and each day we’d put up a new circle representing something we’re grateful for.  This fun, bright, visual reminder has helped keep gratitude within reach all month long.  

Need a hand finding genuine gratitude?  The real deal, not the fluff stuff?  I can definitely help.  Click here to chat!  

(Less than 2-minute read time)

Make a career change.  Ask for a raise.  Stop an unhealthy habit.  Try online dating.  

These are a few things clients have shared they WANT to do, but delayed taking action on.  They’re uncertain about how it will go.  They fear the worst.   In short, they lack confidence.

“I just have low self-confidence” they’ll report. As if self-confidence were a genetic trait like eye color or height.  

Self-confidence is a feeling, an emotion.  Not a fixed trait.  

It’s also not a required ingredient to move forward towards our hopes and dreams.  But, it sure is nice to have.  So, how does one go about getting more of it?

Self-confidence, like all feelings, comes from our Thoughts.  If we spend our time thinking about how awful a new endeavor could turn out, then of course we aren’t going to feel very confident.

Instead, try on Thoughts that create self-confidence instead of eroding it.  This is not to suggest we lie to ourselves and try to believe everything will be rainbows and daisies.  

True self-confidence is not even about the outcome of whatever we are trying to accomplish.  It’s not about getting it “right”.  

Genuine self-confidence is about having a solid, trusting relationship with yourself.  The kind of relationship where it’s ok to make mistakes.  Where we respond to the outcome, successful or not, with kindness, not criticism.  The kind where we don’t make a failed attempt mean anything more than just that – a failed attempt.     

Self-confidence is knowing I have my own back, no matter how things turn out.   

If you wonder if that level of self-confidence is even possible for you, I challenge you to go back in time and find evidence.  What are all of your accomplishments big and small?  When have you gone after something you didn’t know how to do and completed it?  What have you become great at over the years?  

When we take time to locate past self-confidence we can leverage that to create more.  There’s literally an unlimited supply available to you.  Need a hand finding yours?  I can definitely help.  Click here to chat! 

(Less than 2-minute read time)

Last week I talked about feeling all the feels of life – especially when they don’t feel so good.  

“Hey client, go feel the ickiness of life for a while, and then we’ll talk about how it went” is never an easy sell.  However, the ones who are willing to try it experience exponential growth, fulfill their goals, and surprise the heck out of themselves with what they are capable of.   

Author Samuel R. Chand makes a compelling case for us all to reconsider our view of change and what it takes to make it happen.   

In order to grow, we must change.  A seed can’t stay a seed AND become a flower, it must change to grow.  Growth = Change. 

Change is something we often SAY we want, but we forget that it almost always involves loss.  

When we say yes to one thing, we say no to another.  Saying “Yes” to a healthy lifestyle may mean saying “No” to the cupcake, drink, or snooze button.  Saying “Yes” to a career change or pursuing education may mean saying “No” to Netflix or free time on weekends and evenings.  Change = Loss.  

Loss is not something we tend to pursue.  It’s uncomfortable, often painful.  Loss = Pain.  

Let’s recap. 

Growth = Change

Change = Loss

Loss = Pain 

Therefore, Growth = Pain.

In short, if we are going to have the kind of future we truly want, it’s going to involve some level of discomfort.  As my coach Brooke Castillo says: 

“Discomfort is the currency to your dreams”.  

Want to go make some dreams happen?  It’s a drastically different experience when you have another brain that’s NOT experiencing the same pain to help you along the journey.  I’ve got one of those and I can definitely help.  Click here to chat!

(Less than 2-minute read time)

I like to start my day by taking time to set the tone.  I have quiet time and set my intention for the day.  I choose something that feels good and will fuel whatever I have scheduled.  And then life happens… 

I’ll cross paths with grumpy people.  Something unexpected happens – an illness, injury, car problem, house repair, or work problem.  I’ll stub my toe and spill my coffee.   Sometimes it’s several of these things.   

That positive intention I once had crumbles faster than a Nature Valley granola bar.  And I find myself feeling frustrated, annoyed, irritated.  Often I become severely distracted if not completely demotivated.

How the heck are we supposed to be positive when there’s crud going on all around us?

We’re not.  

It’s not about being positive.  It’s about being authentic.  

Toxic positivity is an actual thing.  It’s the pressure to “look on the bright side” or “just be grateful”, instead of allowing ourselves to actually experience anything as negative.  The problem is we DO have negative emotions and denying them or feeling bad about having them only makes something that already feels bad, feel even worse.  

So, stop trying to be happy or positive all of the time.  None of us were wired that way.  

Start being ok with not being ok.  Allow yourself to feel what you ARE feeling even if it’s undesirable and uncomfortable.  

Because here’s the thing – avoiding negative emotion is also uncomfortable.  Not to mention ineffective.  As Brene Brown said, “We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions”. 

Positive AND negative emotions are a part of the human experience.  Most of us prefer the positive and in doing so we actually end with more of the very thing we’re trying to avoid.  Could you use a hand being ok with not being ok?  I can definitely help.  Click here to chat!