Month: December 2019

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I’ve shared before that the number one obstacle to accomplishing a goal is the lack of belief.  Doubt can suffocate a goal faster than you can say “Nevermind”. But, before the point of doubting a goal is possible, we have to come up with the goal.  And THAT is where the problem starts for many of us.

When we think about what we want for our future, many of us believe our goals, dreams, and desires should be “acceptable” pursuits.  We muddy up our goals by mixing in what we think we “should” want to do in this world. We set goals we think we ought to set or that other people think we ought to set.    

For example, when I was choosing the area I should focus my coaching practice, I was debating between two, vastly different, areas of concentration. 

Some of you may know that I’ve been impacted by losing loved ones to suicide.  Being a surviving friend or family member after such a tragic event is tough to say the least.  So, at one point, I was considering focusing my practice on helping others who have been touched by suicide.  I knew this population of people would benefit tremendously from coaching.      

At the same time, I had already invested decades focusing on Leadership and Organizational Development in my career.  It’s an area I love working in, it’s fun yet challenging at the same time. I could definitely see myself spending my days coaching in this way and loving it.  

I was torn.  All I wanted was to make sure I chose something meaningful.   

I met with my coach to sort out the conundrum and she helped me to see that “meaningful” is just a mental construct.  It did not matter what concentration I chose, either could be meaningful if I thought of it that way.  

So now back to you.  What do you want for 2020?  What if you picked a goal just because you think it will be interesting, fun, in alignment with the dreams you have for your life?  What if other people’s opinions about your goal being admirable or worthy didn’t matter? What if you just select something just because you want to.  

Your goal does not have to be altruistic or something that you think somehow increases your value as a human (By the way, you’re already 100% worthy and valuable – but that’s another blog post).  You have the freedom to choose anything you want. The only reason you really need to have is one you like. It’s perfectly acceptable for that reason to be “Because I want to”.    

But, having this freedom can also be a challenge.   Having the freedom to choose means we are going to have to hang out with ourselves a bit to figure out what it is that we really want.  What is it that you value? What do you desire? What would you love to create? Do you know? I fear many of us don’t. Maybe you could use a hand figuring it all out.  I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.    

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Think back for a moment on a past performance review.  You probably have a whole bunch of thoughts about the experience.

How the feedback was delivered…  Whether it was accurate or not… Whether anything was missing…  Go ahead take a moment and relive the story of your last review before reading further.

If you are like many of us, the story isn’t a great one.  

Too often, we leave our annual performance review meeting feeling disheartened, resentful, or just plain disappointed.  Some of us are just relieved that silly, obligatory conversation is over with. All the while we really wish vacation would just start already!   

While you’re taking some time off, I encourage you to carve out time for a different kind of annual review.  This may be a hard sell given most of our experiences with reviews but hear me out… 

When I think of an ideal performance review these qualities come to mind:  meaningful, accurate, objective, thorough, holistic, honest, actionable, motivating.  To me, that sounds like a pretty dreamy review. If such a thing existed, I’d have all this valuable wisdom, insight and information specific to ME! I’d have a custom-made plan to help ME grow, evolve, develop, and tap my untapped potential.  That would be GOLD. But that’s not what we get at work, is it?  

Honestly, I don’t even think it’s our job’s job to give that to us the perfect annual review.  It’s really our responsibility to do this for ourselves on a regular basis (Besides, we want to look at areas outside of our career anyway).  We don’t have to judge our boss for not giving us a good performance review experience again this year. We can give ourselves the EXACT kind of review we want to have.  

When was the last time you thought about key areas of your life – career, financial, health & wellness, relationships, dreams & desires for your future?   When have you last taken a good look at how you spend your time and if that’s getting you the results you want? When’s the last time you acknowledged your accomplishments, all things you’re proud of and grateful for in each of these areas?     

In exchange for taking the time to do this for yourself, you get the beginnings of a roadmap to making 2020 truly mind-blowing.  If you need a hand being the best self-reviewer you can be  I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.    

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(3½ minute read time)

I often find myself feeling a bit harried this time of year.  Between burgeoning task lists, lack of time, increased financial demands, family dynamics and end of year requirements at work, most of us experience pressure around the holidays.  So, today, I am offering you 3 Simple, Powerful ways to help reduce some of the stress.        

#1 )Time Math – Have clear expectations of what you want to accomplish this holiday season and how long these things take.  There are only so many hours in a day. And, there are only so many days left before it needs to be done. Once we see the math of what we’ve already scheduled + what we want to accomplish, it becomes much easier to prioritize.  Then, we can pare down where necessary. And you’re probably going to have to pare down – most of us overestimate what we can accomplish in a day. Before preparing for the holidays was even a faint glimmer in your mind this year, you were already spending every moment of your time doing something.  What will you have to say “No” to in order to make space for these remaining holiday to-do’s? And, which holiday to-do’s may just have to get lost on the cutting room floor this year? (Yes, that’s an option.)            

#2) Be present – Have you ever driven somewhere, arrived and not recall the commute you JUST took?  Lately, I have been experiencing a similar phenomenon. I’ll catch myself doing one thing but my mind is in a completely different spot.  Usually, I am distracted by thinking about what I’ll be doing next, or thinking about something else I need to do. Whatever it is I am thinking about, it’s NOT about the current reality.  

Japan has a rather old point & call system called shisha kanko.  It was designed to reduce safety incidents on trains. Train operators, in certain higher-risk scenarios, must point and vocalize what they see.  The idea is that by engaging multiple senses, we raise our level of consciousness. So I’ve been trying it. Sometimes I’ll point and just whisper it to myself: “On the phone with Mom”.  Sometimes I just work it into the conversation “I’m in the car, with you, on the way to the airport”.    It actually has raised my awareness.  Not surprising considering it reduced train incidents by up to 85% – it’s clearly effective. 

By increasing my awareness, I’m directing my brain to the here and now.  I’ve found 2 main benefits so far. One, I minimize worry. If I am thinking about my fingers moving about this keyboard to write this blog post right now I can not simultaneously be thinking about what I am doing after this (feed and walk the dogs, in case you were wondering).  Second, I get to actually have the experience. Remember when I announced I was in the car on the way to the airport? I noticed that for the rest of the trip I did not pick up my cell phone. Not once.            

#3) Generate intentional emotion – In the past, I never enjoyed holiday shopping much because mostly it was an “obligation” to me.  In my mind, it was something “I have to do”.  I hate to say it but it used to be a chore, one I wanted off my list ASAP.  How scrooge of me right?? Maybe I am not alone… Either way, I decided I did not want to shop that way this year.  I wanted to feel joy and be intentional with gifting. I started by picking one person on the list. I thought about her, what I love and appreciate most about her.  I felt grateful for her being a part of my life. Then, I set out to shop for her and BOOM! Just like that, I found the perfect gift! Thoughts generate emotions, which drive actions and ultimately create my results.  Just a simple mind shift can completely change our experience.   

No matter what your holiday season is shaping up to be like, you really can feel better about it today.  It truly is possible. Let me know if you can use a hand. I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.

(2-minute read time)

There’s something symbolic about the year 2020 approaching.  

Every time I hear “2020”, I think of “perfect vision”.  I grew up thinking 20/20 was the gold standard of vision.  And then I learned, there’s vision that’s even better than 20/20!   For so long, I thought 20/20 was desirable and yet all the while there was bigger and better available!  

How often do we do that to ourselves?  Settle for what we THINK the best option is but really, there’s actually something far better…

As we approach the new year, 2020, our thoughts might be turning to what’s next for us in our lives – with our careers, relationships, finances, personal goals, etc.  Consider what’s possible for you and then add a little extra beyond what you think would be awesome. Of course, this is often easier said than done…  

I shared with you last week that I am not on pace to meet my own #2019moonshotgoal.  It would be easy for me to make that mean a lot of things… 

I am not good enough.

I didn’t try hard enough.

I am not capable or smart enough.

Or, I could challenge all of these thoughts.  

Depending on how I choose to view 2019 has EVERYTHING to do with how I will show up for myself as I design 2020.  

If I look at my lack of completing my 2019 goal on time as a failure and make that mean a whole bunch of things about how unworthy I am then, of course, that will be reflected as I plan out my 2020 goals.  

The good news is, the opposite is also true.  I can look back at 2019 and all the strategic byproducts and leverage them to design an amazing new year.   

Want to design an amazing 2020?   I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.   For a limited time, I’m offering a free copy of my new workbook “Goal Getting: Making Success Inevitable” with every discovery session.  This workbook will guide you through setting and getting your 2020 goals. Let’s work together and get to your next!

(2-minute read time)

On December 31st, 2018 I challenged you to choose a #2019moonshotgoal.  One that was really big and felt impossible at the time. Maybe you’ve met your goal (cheers to you!!!).  Or, maybe you aren’t where you’d like to be with it.

If you’re anything like me then you may be a teensy, weensy bit behind on meeting your goal (read: nowhere near meeting it).  But, I have NOT given up, I’m still highly engaged with my goal and actively working towards it.  Time is short though and I’ve decided that even if I don’t achieve it, 2019 will go down in the books as a success.

There’s so much good that has come out of just the attempt.  To get even as far as I have on my goal I’ve had to do things I’ve never done.  As a result, I’ve gained leadership, networking, technical, communication, coaching, sales, and negotiation skills this year.  I’m more efficient and effective. I’m more self-aware and far more confident.       

Dan Sulivan calls these unintended benefits of BIG goals “strategic byproducts”. Here’s the thing many of us miss about goal setting and goal getting:

Goals are never really about attaining the result. It’s about who we become in the process of going after them. That’s growth, that’s evolution and those strategic byproducts will always belong to us, even after the glory of reaching the goal fades and even if we fall short.             

No matter what we accomplish in 2019, there’s no denying that 2020 is around the corner.  Think about the various areas of your life: career, relationships, finances, health, wellness.  What needs your attention in 2020? Are you willing to give that gift to yourself? If not, what’s holding you back?  Doubt? Fear?

The worst that can happen when we fail to meet a goal is negative emotion(s).  Coincidentally, it’s the presence of negative emotion that holds us back from reaching for it in the first place.  If negativity is going to be there either way – why not shoot for the moon and pick up some life-long strategic byproducts along the way?        

Take moment and envision yourself on this day a year from now.  Pretend it’s December 5th, 2020. The new year, 2021 is on the horizon.  Are you excited about who you’ve become in the past year? If that vision seems unlikely, maybe you can use a hand.  I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.  And, for a limited time, I’m offering a free copy of my new workbook “Goal Getting: Making Success Inevitable” with every discovery session.  This workbook will guide you through setting and getting your 2020 goals. Let’s work together and get to your next!