Month: November 2019

(3-Minute read time)

The Thanksgiving season is upon us!  It’s my absolute most favorite holiday – good eats, good times with friends and family, plus here in Florida we usually have some gorgeous weather.  Lots to be grateful for!

Despite it being the season where many of us focus on gratitude, I thought it was the perfect time to write about the seemingly opposite emotion, wanting.

Gratitude is defined as “warmly or deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received; thankful”.  Some will argue that being truly grateful means being totally content with what one already has.   Even the definition above supports this, notice for a moment the word “received” is past tense. The argument here is that wanting is equivalent to lack and lack nullifies gratitude.  

We’re taught to be grateful for what is, not what could be. We’re told gratitude and wanting can not co-exist.          

In contrast, I think we can and should be grateful for something we want that just hasn’t happened yet.   

Wait?  Be grateful while we still want something?  How?  

Glad you asked.  It’s really just a matter of taking your mind to the place where it’s already happened and deciding if it’s something you’d be grateful for.  For example, this holiday season I am traveling from sunny Florida to colder weather. This is not my usual practice – I moved here from NY for a reason!  I do not enjoy cold weather. At all. Most years I don’t go. It’s too cold, I know I won’t enjoy it, I won’t be grateful for the experience, so I don’t go.  And yet, this year I want to go. I want to see my loved ones and just be present with them, even if it’s chilly (ok freezing, but you get my point).             

As I envision that future time with friends and family, I see all the details – who’s there, where we are… I imagine the welcome home hugs, the laughing, the sleeping in, and definitely the eating.  I imagine I probably won’t get to see everyone I’d like to, but the moments with people I do get to see will matter, we will be creating lasting memories.

As I let this image sink in, it becomes more real and gratitude emerges. It’s different than anticipation, it’s an appreciation. An appreciation for family and the holidays. An appreciation for the ability to cultivate loving relationships despite the miles between my family and I. An appreciation for just being able to hit the pause button on daily life and gratefully enter into a different pace.

The trip hasn’t happened, I’m not leaving until next week. I want to go, I am looking forward to going. But, I haven’t yet. Nonetheless, I am feeling extremely grateful for what’s to come. See? Gratitude and wanting can co-exist.     

Wanting doesn’t make us a selfish, ungrateful, thankless human.  Wanting is part of what makes us human. It’s in our nature to grow and evolve.  When we’re little we desire mobility and so without being told we crawl, then cruise, then walk and run.  The same continues throughout our whole life.  

It’s totally natural to desire more, tap our untapped potential, find deeper meaning, level up our lives, have a purpose, and truly SPEND this one life we’ve been given.  It’s an expression of gratitude to get out there and do something with it!    

When we tap into the desires for our life we unleash positive impact in the world.  Unfortunately, when I ask many of my clients what it is they really want, they say “I don’t know”.  That only keeps potential shackled.  

This Thanksgiving, consider dialing it up a notch on the wanting.  I want you to want even more for your amazing life. Not because this life stinks, but because you were made for more.  Not a single one of us is finished growing and evolving. And that’s something to be grateful for.      

Trying to figure out what you really want?  I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.   

(3-minute read time)

Just over 2 years ago I worked my last day at a company I’d been working at for almost 20 years.  Clearly, it had been a long time since I’d had a “last day” with an organization. I felt like I had grown up there…  And I had. But, it was time for me to move on.  

Had I not been laid off, I wouldn’t be doing the work I’m doing now.  Knowing what I know now, that would’ve been a huge price to pay for the comfort of staying at that company.  But, let’s be honest, most of us do not take the news of a layoff with a light heart – especially around the holidays.   

Although layoffs are down this year compared to last year, they’re still very real.  And it can be a very real challenge when it’s happening to you personally. Common reactions include shock, fear, and anger.  Often the news of a layoff comes when we are not expecting it, then we worry about what we will do and then we get angry that we even have to worry about it.  

Uncommonly, people respond with hope, gratitude, and/or appreciation.  This was the case with my friend who recently received the news of his pending layoff.  He had been with the organization just under a year but the company made it so he would still receive severance benefits.   

What’s the difference between his response and the more common response?  It might be easy to say that my friend was more positive because he was getting severance.  But, I’ve seen layoffs enough to know that doling out severance benefits isn’t what makes most people accepting of the news and hopeful for their future.     

Here’s what actually DOES make people feel positive about a circumstance that would commonly be seen as undesirable…  Their perception.  

If I perceived getting laid off as unfair or unjust then, of course, I will look for evidence to support that – even if I am receiving a severance.  And, as always, we find what we are looking for. All the while not changing the circumstance. 

In my case, I chose to see my lay off as an opportunity for my next.  I’d been thinking about starting my own business for quite some time but could not bring myself to leave the cozy benefits.  Guaranteed paycheck, 6 weeks paid vacation, amazing medical, dental, vision… Not to mention colleagues who became family over the course of the decades I spent there.  Who would leave all that?? I knew what to expect there, it was comfortable.  

Getting laid off pushed me out of my comfort zone.  A push I desperately needed.  

Growth rarely happens in the comfort zone.  Which explains why a former colleague of mine would “lay himself off” every two years.   He would always seek a new position internally or externally every 2 years to make sure he did not stagnate.  He proactively sought change and as a result, he built his skills and made himself ridiculously valuable in the marketplace.  

It’s all about perspective my friends.  And usually, from the perspective of the rear-view mirror, we can see that the challenges we face in life have been things that happen FOR us not TO us.  If hindsight proves time and time again that challenges and discomfort are ultimately beneficial to us, why wait?

Maybe it’s time to think about laying yourself off.  

With the right mindset, leaving our comfort zone isn’t so scary.  We can know even before the discomfort begins that in the end, we will be more than ok.   We’ll be stronger, wiser and have exercised courage. We will have growth and evolution. We will get to our next.

Are you ready for your next?  I can help. Click here now and let’s get started!  

(2-minute read time)

A few years ago I bought a small 1920’s home that definitely needed some work.  Of course, when I purchased it, I envisioned all the things I could do, what it could become.  Visions of Pinterest wins danced in my head.  

Fast forward to today.  Have I accomplished some of the things I wanted to get done at the house? Yes. Is there more? Definitely. And yet, whenever I consider starting a significant house project I find a reason to not do it.

As I pondered over the loss of momentum on my home improvement projects, I noticed a recurring theme.  A lack of resources – typically time, energy, money.  

This theme of scarcity shows up for most of us in all kinds of circumstances.  In fact, just about anything we do not want to do at the moment can be justifiably dismissed with statements that sound like:  

• “Now just isn’t a good time” 
• “Once I have more…. (time, energy, money, etc.)”
• “I’ll do it when I have less… (stress, demands, etc.)”

We act as if the “perfect time” to start on a goal exists and comes around frequently.  This fantasy land of “perfect timing” is the place where good goals go to die.  

As I became aware of my excuses and justifications I decided to reconsider my thinking on all this house project stuff.  I asked myself this game-changing question: “What if the goal starts now?” Like right now, with the exact amount of resources available to me at this moment.  What if I did not wait for an obstacle-free time? What if overcoming the scarcity – the lack of time, energy, money was actually a PART of the plan?  

When you take charge of whatever it is that is stopping you from going after your dream and reduce it to just a step in the process, it loses it’s stopping power.      

It’s kind of mind-blowing to make the current obstacle simply a part of the plan.  

It’s getting to that time of year where you are either evaluating how you close you are on your 2019 goals and/or considering what 2020 will look like.  Maybe you’re like me and it’s time for both evaluations. Either way, consider re-naming that obstacle that’s in the way. Instead of “obstacle” rename it “part of the plan”.  Renaming it reduces it.  

Want even more help reducing the obstacles in the way of your desired life?  I can help. Now is the perfect time to design 2020 and there aren’t many spots left.  Don’t wait. Click here now and let’s get started!