Month: May 2019

(3-minute read time)

It was a  one-on-one meeting I will never forget.   

Team Member: “Tell me, really, how do I get ahead in my career?  Do I have to be a b*tch?“

Me:  “What do you mean?  Why would you think you have to be that way to get ahead?”

Team Member:  “Because it just seems that way around here.  Most women who get promoted here are pushy and demanding.  Not you of course, but most of them.”

Phew.  She did not think I was one of those.  

But, there was a larger concern at hand.  She believed that I was one of the lucky few who was able to become a leader without being overly aggressive.  She believed that she might have to muster up an aggressive personality in order to raise her own chances of achieving the same.  

The answer to her question was the same then as it is now:  

“You don’t have to be anyone other than yourself to move forward in your career.”  

It’s a simple answer, but not an easy one.  

While being just who we are is enough, we also need to take the time to know who that is.  Most of us, despite the fact that we are with ourselves all day every day, don’t know ourselves well.  

The second part of this is that we were designed to evolve, change, grow – not stay the same.  This means we will constantly be reinventing ourselves and getting to know the new version of ourselves that we are becoming.  Most of us don’t do that either.

Here’s what most of us actually do: Get the education, the job, the house, the family and then wonder why we don’t feel fulfilled.  

We’ve achieved many of the things we said we wanted when we were younger.  Now we have them and we’re bewildered that life is not all it’s cracked up to be.    

So, what to do?  

We have to choose and sometimes re-choose the design of our lives.  

There are several ways to go about this but it all starts with taking time, which feels like a hot commodity for many of us.  When we do find free time, we are not using it to design our future.

Often, even if we do take time to examine our lives and ask ourselves if we like the results we’ve created, we get stuck.  We stopped dreaming a long time ago. We no longer allow ourselves to envision a future where we have a meaningful, purpose-filled life.  Instead, we believe that’s just not how life works.

If this is you, do two things to kick start living your life with intention :  

1. Make time to design your future:  You’re not too busy for this.  It’s your life we are talking about!  What do you want to accomplish that you have not yet?  Allow yourself to dream here. Do not worry about the logistics, obstacles, costs, or time it would take (yet).  Think of it all as being possible – because, I promise you, it is.
2. Re-choose what’s already good:  There are probably plenty of areas of your life that are great and you would choose all over again.  Maybe you love and would never change your education, spouse, or home. Acknowledge those. Consciously choose them again.  Experience the gratitude and sense of accomplishment all over again! It will propel you towards what you decided in #1.

Once you decide what you want to accomplish in the future, you’ll need a plan to bring it to life.  I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.   

(2-minute read time)

A while back I had the pleasure of game night at a friend’s house.  We played Clue. You remember: “It was Colonel Mustard, with the candlestick in the library!” I hadn’t played that game in years, it was so much fun.  

What you may not know about me is I L-O-V-E board games, card games, word games all of it.  What I don’t love is losing. In fact, I remember as a kid more than one Monopoly board was tossed in the aggravation of losing.

I got to thinking about it and I wondered why do we hate losing?  Is it really that we hate losing or is it that we just really enjoy winning?

Either way, most of us who like game nights still partake even though there’s always the risk of losing.  Perhaps it’s because the stakes are low. It’s just game night so there is no long-lasting consequence for falling short.  We would rather have the experience and risk losing than not have the experience at all.

But how about when the stakes are higher?  For example, our careers.

Should I go for that promotion?  Pursue that degree? Start that business?  Ask for the raise? Move into that new field?  

At each decision point, our brains will do a risk/reward analysis and usually, the outcome is to take as low of a risk as possible.  Even if it means not playing at all.

Here’s the problem with that.   While it feels safe to stay with the status quo, this perceived “safety” is not going to keep you from being uncomfortable.  Yes, there will be discomfort in going for it but there’s also discomfort in staying the same.

If you are going to be uncomfortable either way I challenge you to do a deeper risk/reward analysis.  What’s the worst that can happen?

Here are the two worst case scenarios:

1. You go for it and fail:  This is not the end of the world.  In fact, failure only feels bad if we make it mean something bad.  We can always make failure mean anything we want. I like to just see it as information.  Information that will help me get closer on my next attempt. Viewing it this way makes losing much better than not playing at all.     
2. You don’t go for it at all, you bench yourself from the game of your career:  This one, to me, is the real tragedy.  Think of the opportunity cost. What possibilities are you giving up by NOT going for it?  Think of some of the historical greats we know and love like Dr. King – what if he didn’t go all in because the risk was so high?  Or what about tech giant duos like Steve Jobs & Steve Wozniak or Larry Page & Sergey Brin, what if they didn’t huddle up in the garages working on Apple & Google like they did because the risk was too high?  

It’s your career.  You’re likely going to spend a lot of time doing it.  Let’s do it intentionally. I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.   

(2-minute read time)

Today’s post is different.  Today, you get to be part of the process and you could win a best-selling book!    

Since November of 2018, I’ve offered up short 2- 3 minute blog posts with practical solutions – mostly for your career but they work for life outside of work too.

Last week marked my 50th blog post!  How awesome I feel having crossed that milestone.   I almost can’t believe it really. If someone told me just a few short years ago that I would have my dream job and get to help other people make their dreams come true too, I would definitely told that person they were crazy.

Now, here I am 50 blog posts later.  I’ve learned and changed more in this last year than I have in the 10 years before it combined.  I’ve never felt better.

• I eat better, drink less, and exercise more.

• I am more present and intentional in my relationships with others (and boy, does that make a difference).  

• I’ve gained a TON of confidence.  

• I have taken complete responsibility for my physical and emotional well being.  

• I wake up and look forward to the day ahead (most days 😉).  

No, it’s not all rainbows and daisies.  Any entrepreneur will tell you that. But, I handle the challenges MUCH better.  And, shockingly, I actually don’t mind failing. I learn from it and move on.

As I plan for the next 50 blog posts, I would love to hear your thoughts about topics that would be interesting and helpful to you.  I want to help you achieve the same zest for your work and your life that I have had the amazing pleasure of enjoying. I want to help you be able to better manage the challenges that inevitably come along.    

This is your chance to get more of the help you want – free!  

All you have to do is click here to take a super short survey. Everyone who completes the survey will be entered in to win a best-selling leadership book.  The winner can choose from the following:

• Dare to Lead – Brene Brown
• Atomic Habits – James Clear
• Extreme Ownership – Jocko Willink and Leif Babin     
• Grit – Angela Duckworth

And, even better, you get to pick if you want the actual book or the ebook.  What are you waiting for? Go take the survey!      

(2 minute read time)

We’ve all heard the old saying “Curiosity Killed the Cat”.  It suggests we should avoid being overly or unnecessarily interested.  

However, I am of the opinion that we just aren’t curious enough!  

It’s not our fault really.  Modern life is busy. Couple that with the fact that our brains love efficiency so we immediately connect something we don’t know to something more familiar.  Boom! We have an assumption.

The problem is many times our assumptions are negative and critical.

For example, maybe your team member (the one who’s ALWAYS complaining about something) requests a one-on-one with you.  It’s easy to think “Here we go again”.

Or, perhaps your spouse calls to say they have to work late AGAIN tonight.  Your brain quickly offers something like: “He/she is always putting our family last”.

Or, you consider applying for a promotion but change your mind after you think “I’m not good enough for Senior Leadership, I am just a _____”    

We often believe these critical assumptions without question.  We think we are just making an observation. They are not observations, they’re opinions and they’re holding you back!    

This too is not our fault.  The primitive brain works ruthlessly to try and protect us from danger.

My challenge to you today is to be on the watch for these criticisms and then get super curious about them.  

Cultivating your curiosity opens up tremendous possibilities, it can be a game changer.  We begin to see what could be. We give up the old “It is what it is” mindset. Criticisms become less frequent because we question them.  Opportunities become more frequent because we see them.

Don’t just take my word for it.  Former Alphabet/Google executive Eric Schmidt lists curiosity as one of the top two qualities that predict success.  He lived this out by leading at Google with a mantra of “We run the company by questions, not by answers”.

Are you curious about what the second quality is?        

It’s persistence.   

Need a hand in getting a little more curious about yourself and the world around you? I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.   

(3-minute read time)

I don’t bake much.  OK, I’ll be honest I don’t bake at all.  But, I understand that for certain recipes it is pretty crucial to add the ingredients in a particular order.  If you do it out of order then the whole thing could go very wrong and you end up with something that barely resembles what you had planned.  

I think this happens in life too.  Specifically with success and happiness.  We get it backward.

We think once we are successful THEN we get to experience happiness.     

But, when we have this kind of mindset what we end up with barely resembles what we had planned.  Here’s why.

When we believe that happiness is only in the future we miss proven scientific advantages happiness provides.  We miss adding happy as a key ingredient to the recipe we are using to create our desired result.

Science has proven that we are far more efficient at creating our desired results when we are intentional about our mindset and purposefully create positive emotion.

When we experience positive emotions such as happiness, dopamine and serotonin are released.  As a result, we can take on tough challenges with a sense of capability and confidence.

“Life inflicts the same setbacks and tragedies on the optimist as on the pessimist, but the optimist weathers them better” – Martin Seligman

So, if happiness is the thing that begets success, the question becomes – how do I create happiness? And, how I am supposed to be happy when things are hard?  

Here are few ideas….

• Pay attention – We have about 70,000 thoughts per day.  Observe some of them. Notice if they are positive, neutral or negative.  Our thoughts generate our emotions. If you are feeling a negative emotion, take a look at what you are thinking, it will become very clear very quickly why you feel the way you do.  You can generate positive emotion by choosing our thoughts on purpose. Best-selling author Rachel Hollis agrees: “You choose your thoughts, and there isn’t one thing running through your mind that you don’t allow to be there”.    

• Believe new things – Our brains love to be efficient.  They are perfectly content keeping our current belief systems intact – even if they are unhelpful.  The good news is these beliefs are learned and they can be unlearned. Revisit this post to uncover the steps to believe in a way that moves you forward.      

• Tell yourself the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth – There are the truthful facts of a situation and then there is the story we tell ourselves about what the facts mean.  Often the story we create is fictional and unhelpful. When we separate out fact from fiction we can are better positioned to choose a more helpful perspective.  

• What’s perfect about this?  Eckhart Tolle suggests approaching our circumstances far differently than most of us do.  “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.”    Think about that for a moment.  Where is there a tough area that you definitely would not have chosen?  Now think about how you would show up differently if you accepted it as if you had chosen it?

The life you desire, your goals, your dreams are all within reach. I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.  

(<2-minute read time)

“They should come to me and ask me for my opinion.” my client said.  

I asked, “Why?”.  

She said, “Because I have the experience, I know how to handle this”.

I told her she could just offer her opinion without being asked. But she was dead set on the idea that her leadership SHOULD ask her.  

Here’s the deal.  Sometimes we have to break up with the idea of how things SHOULD be and go with what is.  

Notice I said “sometimes”, I am not suggesting we never take action towards positive change.  I am suggesting we decide on purpose if it’s worth it. We have to like our reasons.

As my client and I talked through this we uncovered the reasons she wanted them to ask her about her opinion without her having to offer it:  It was all rooted in what she made the order of operations mean.

If they asked her FIRST….

It would mean they recognized her experience, knowledge, skills, and abilities.

It would mean they valued her opinion.  

It would mean she was valuable.  

Here’s what I told her:

“You can just decide that your experience, knowledge, skills, abilities, and opinions are valuable.  You can just decide that YOU are valuable”.

There are so many benefits to simply deciding these things without outside validation. For example:

1. You don’t have to wait for someone else to do or say something to feel good, you get to feel good now
2. You get to show up as a person who believes these things about yourself (and trust me you WILL show up differently when you really believe them)    
3. You aren’t worried at all about what other people will think
4. Your results will be MUCH better

Are you struggling with things that just aren’t as they “should be”?   I can definitely help, click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.   

(2-minute read time)

I got to facilitate a workshop for a corporate client a couple of weeks ago.  I love that part of my job. I also really love one-on-one work with my clients.  In fact, there’s very little about my job that I don’t love – but it was not always that way.  

I’ve had many days where I felt like to guy in the old Dunkin’ Donuts commercial who would get up early and shuffle his way in and out the door everyday mumbling “Time to make the donuts”.  

How about you?  Do you do what you love and love what you do?  Or, do you feel like it’s time to make the donuts?

Many of my clients feel conflicted about this.  There are things about their job that they love but they just do not feel fulfilled.  Leaving the job seems impossible – the pay, the benefits, the safety. Staying seems like the “responsible” thing to do.  

When I was having my Donut Days, I believed I was just enduring reality.  

The truth was I created my reality. Work was unfulfilling because of what I thought, not because of what it involved.

And then I figured it out.  I get to think anything I want about my work.  I could think it was meaningful, fun, fulfilling, impactful, important.  When I tried on those thoughts it was easier to find evidence that it was true.  Suddenly, I felt differently about it and lo and behold, I showed up differently too.  

But, that’s only short term.  

What about really finding your true purpose on this planet?  

It starts with figuring out how to manage your mind in the job you currently have.  When you figure out how to show up as the best version of yourself, even in an undesirable situation, you have a skill that will serve you both in and outside of work – FOREVER.  

The next step is to allow yourself to dream again.  Remember when you were a child and someone asked you what you wanted to be?  You didn’t list your career aspirations and then quickly retract them because of all the hurdles you would have to overcome to get there.   You just shared what you were interested in and totally believed it was possible to enter that profession.

I am here today to tell you it is possible.  In fact, that thing that you have been thinking about doing but feels impossible is probably the very thing people are waiting for you to show up and do.   

Are you torn between being “responsible” and living a life of purpose?  It’s not an either-or situation, I promise. I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.

(2-minute read time)

Employee engagement is a hot topic these days.  And it should be. The numbers are staggering.

In their latest report, Gallup reported that 34% of employees are engaged at work. Some analysts suggest this could be considered a good thing since this number has increased over the last two years.

But is it actually good?

Think about it.  If you have a team of 10 people, at least 6 of them are less than fully engaged.  In fact, the same report states that 51% of all US employees are actively seeking other jobs.  I won’t bore you with the painful costs of attrition, I am sure you would much rather know what to do about this problem instead.           

Ricardo Semler once said:  

“No-one works for money alone and tapping into what people want from their careers and what they have to offer is essential”.

Before we get to the part where we improve employee engagement with your team members, let’s turn the table toward you, your career and your relationship with your boss.  

When is the last time your boss sat down with you and asked about your career aspirations?  And then offered to help you create the path to your next level? And then provided resources to help you along that path?  Who was your last boss that was undoubtedly your champion, a sponsor, a promoter of your talents, knowledge, skills, and abilities?

If you have had this type of leader, you are fortunate. Many of us have never had such an experience.

If you have not had a leader who was invested in your future it doesn’t mean you have had “bad” bosses.  He or she probably just leads others the same way they have always the way they’ve been led.

But, you don’t have to lead the way you have always been led.  

You can lead differently.  You can lead using strategies rooted in science that also include the emotional quotient.  You can recognize that your team member’s actions are based entirely on what they’re thinking.  You can encourage candid conversations and learn what those thoughts are. Armed with that valuable information you can change the entire trajectory of their career – for the better.  I can help you do just that, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.