Month: March 2019

(2-minute read time)

On any given day, if you ask me if I am a procrastinator I probably would probably confidently say “No”.  Chances are you don’t think you are either.

But, procrastination is sneaky.  If we are not on the lookout, it will disguise itself as meaningful distraction.    

For example, I was in the process of writing copy to update my website and it just so happened all of these other “important” and “critical” things would surface when I was supposed to be writing.  I did not recognize I was avoiding it.  I avoided and avoided for so long until the avoidance itself became uncomfortable.  

Ever been there?

Finally, I had to admit the truth – I just did not want to do it.  I explored why. Upon questioning myself, I discovered the answer was “It’s not going to be good enough, I am not going to like it and no one else is either”.

Is it any wonder I was not chomping at the bit to do it???

Once I saw that thought was the culprit holding me back I made two decisions:

1. That’s a horrible reason for not finishing and I refuse to indulge in that any longer.  I will write even if I don’t feel like it. Period.
2. Even if it is true that the first version would be horrible, I would have to get it over with in order to get to the “good” version.  So there’s no upside in delaying a minute longer.

Avoidance and procrastination are never the solution.  Quitting will slow you down, but only every single time.      

Most often when we procrastinate or quit we do not call it that.  We justify and explain it away. We have “good” reasons for not going after our goals.  

The question then becomes – how do I know if I am justifying or procrastinating?  My answer to that is – you already know. In your heart of hearts, you know. If you can relate to the discomfort of not accomplishing the thing that will propel you towards your goal then you know you are probably procrastinating.    

I got on to my excuses.  It’s your turn.

Where are you uncomfortable because you are not taking action?  

You don’t have to wait for the discomfort of avoidance to become more uncomfortable than the discomfort of taking action.  

I can definitely help, just click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.  

*Photo credit: Matthew Henry

(< 3 minute read time)

I remember the time my friend told me the story about one of her most embarrassing moments at work.  She accidentally said “sex” when she meant to say another word. She said it in front of a large audience with “important” people in it.  

She wanted to desperately go back in time and get a do-over.  

Have you ever felt like that?  

I have.  

The good news is your assessment of your mess up is yours. You own it. You get to tell the story any way you want to. You can be humiliated.  You can be self-deprecating. You can think it’s hilarious (like my friend does) or you can even be proud.

The past is over.  It only exists in your mind.  

When my friend tells the story of her “verbal malfunction” it is just that.  A story. It’s just her version of what happened. Other people who were there that day might tell it very differently.   

For example, I have an older sister.  We grew up in the same house. Yet, sometimes when we recall events from our childhood we recall them very differently.  But we were both there – we can be talking about the exact same event, but have completely different stories about it.

Anything you say or think about your past is just a story. What version of the story do you want to tell?

Many times, we think we are just reporting the “facts”.  Check yourself on that the next time you talk about something that happened in the past.  I bet you will find loads of opinion and interpretation in there.

I have decided that I am going to tell my story in a way that serves me.  My coach often says: “It was always supposed to be that way. You know how I know?  Because that’s what happened”.

Maybe you did not have an idyllic childhood.  Maybe your latest attempt at leading an employee towards improvement didn’t work.  Maybe you had an embarrassing moment you regret. Maybe you never got that advanced degree.

Who would you be if you didn’t shudder with shame about the past?

How can you retell the story in a way that serves you?

What are some ways you could consider looking at your past differently?

Ask yourself those questions and then pick the answers you like best.  It’s your story, you get to tell it any way you want to.

There is no such thing as “old pain”.  If you have any pain from your past it is because of how you are choosing to think about it now.    

I am not saying you should think happy thoughts about a negative situation.  But, I am saying it is your choice. If I challenged you to find reasons why it was a good thing that things happened the way they did – you could find them.  So, consider yourself challenged.

Whatever you do, do not let your version of yesterday’s story hold you back from what tomorrow could be.

Want some help reshaping the past?  Want to tell your story in a way that propels you instead of hindering you? I can help, click here to schedule a free, discovery session.  

(3 minute read time)

I can almost hear the collective gasp.  Did she just say “Learning is worthless”?? This sounds like a crazy statement coming from a gal who has spent decades coaching and training people.

Learning has value for sure.  But that value is significantly enhanced or diminished by what we do with it.  

Whenever we read a book, take a class, listen to a Ted Talk, or otherwise attempt to learn something new, all we are actually doing is consuming.  We are only gathering ideas for possible future action but we have not really done anything yet.

Think about the last book you read, the last class you took, the last time you attempted any sort of personal development.  

(Let me just digress quickly – if you are having a hard time figuring out when your last personal development occurred, consider this your urgent-red-flag-sirens-blaring-alert.  You must make time for your own development. Especially if you are a leader.)

OK, now that you have your last personal development experience in mind, I want you to ask yourself what changed because of it?  How did you apply it? What did you create that did not exist before?

Too often we just consume and leave it at that instead of taking the next step of creating something with the knowledge we just consumed.  

There are a few reasons this happens:

1. Staying the same seems easier.  Often it’s really not easier but that is just how our brains are wired, it’s not your fault.
2. The situation is not difficult enough or painful enough to inspire change – our priorities are on putting out fires instead of developing fire prevention methods.   
3. Creating involves risk, anything we create could be rejected – just consuming is safe, no one can judge it too harshly.            

Often, we either are not doing any personal development or when we do, we miss the part where we apply it.  Here are a few tips to avoid this common pitfall.

• Know your why – Are you reading the book or taking the class because you’re strategically targeting an issue?  Or are you doing it just to check the box on some Personal Development plan at work? If your motivation is misplaced your results are likely to be minimal at best.
• Start with the end in mind – Go into your next learning experience with a purpose.  What value can you add once you have acquired this new knowledge?  Brainstorm a list of ideas before and after the learning experience.  
• Engage others – One of the most effective and impactful things you can do for your team members is to partner with them on their learning experiences.  Before you ever send them to a training session or have them join a book club, engage with them on the objectives. Then, connect with them after – ask them how it went, what they learned and help them apply their new knowledge.  Make time to chat with your boss as well about your own learning experiences.
• Consume, Apply, Apply, Apply, Consume – Commit to applying what you just learned before you sign up for the next class or buy the next book.  There are a lot of development options, you can spend a lifetime just consuming but you will never really know what works for you unless you actually use it.

Your personal development is similar to physical fitness in that buying a gym membership is a good start, but going to the gym and actually working out is even better.        

Speaking of the gym, having a life coach is kind of like having a personal trainer for your mind.  Want to find out more? Click here to schedule a free discovery session.     

(2 minute read time)

I have this one friend that, when I first met her, I did not like her.  At. All.

As I got to know her more, my opinion started to shift.  Eventually, we even became roommates! As of today, we are still super close – she calls me “her person”.  
Awwwww – isn’t that sweet??  

So what happened?  How did I go from not liking her at all to being “her person”?  

Here’s what happened.  She did not change. I did.  

Our brains love to connect new things to things we already know.  For example, let’s say the company you work for rolls out new policies frequently and they never seem to stick.  In short time, your brain will think it recognizes exactly what is happening.
You might notice yourself thinking or saying “Here we go again!” and you will begin to think ALL of the new policies are baloney.

We do the same thing with people. If you meet a new person that reminds you of your super kooky neighbor or the history teacher you hated in high school your brain is going to warn you to watch out for him or her.

That’s what happened to me.  My friend reminded me of someone from my past that brought up unpleasant feelings.  I wasn’t conscious of the connection and, even if I were, there was nothing she could do about it.    

We all want to be liked.  We want approval, acceptance, validation.  Facebook knows this – that’s why they gave us the “like” button.

I think as leaders we often suffer from the desire to be liked even more so than some others.  We think if our team members and colleagues like us then we are a “good leader”.

Where we miss the boat is in giving this to ourselves.  Ask yourself if YOU even like yourself? Do you really, truly like you?  Do you really, truly believe that you are a good leader?

Relying on another person to make us feel likable fails.  Every time. When we work hard to be liked we end up either having to keep up the facade or risk being disliked.

If you are willing to risk being disliked you get to show up as the real you.   It is so much easier to be genuine and authentic. It is easier to risk being disliked.       

I promise you, there will always be people who do not like you.  Let them. You probably just remind them of that horrible history teacher.  

Instead of spending your energy on people who do not like you, just focus on helping you like yourself.  When you feel self-assured, you draw people to you – the kind who really like you for who genuinely are.

Let me help you find the way to liking yourself enough to close the gap left by the haters. Click here to schedule a free discovery session.   

(2 minute read time)

At the beginning of last year, I set some big goals.  I had a beautiful vision with lots of grand plans for growth and evolution. I was making big changes and I was excited!

Then life happened.  

Mom broke her leg.  My beloved dog passed away.  My dear friend was battling cancer. There was turmoil in my personal life.  None of this was a part of the plan!!!

I could not do all the things I wanted to because I had to take care of these other things. I felt stuck.

Have you been there?  You know, that place where nothing is going according to plan?

It’s in those moments we have a choice.  Quit or show up despite our circumstances.  

You see, it is not our circumstances in life that determine who we are.  It is how we choose to show up in them. And I promise you it is ALWAYS a choice.  

The mind is powerful – it’s why many people report feeling better after only getting a placebo in a medical trial. If we believe things are going to get better, they do.

The mind is the thing that creates the feeling of stuck and it is also the thing that creates the feelings hopefulness and possibility.

When we feel stuck, we act stuck.   

The truth is we are never really stuck.  

When you feel stuck ask yourself “How do I want to show up in this situation?”.  

Note that the question was NOT “How can I change the situation?”.  Instead, let circumstances be what they are. You can argue with reality, but you’ll lose.  Try something new.  Embrace reality and just be deliberate in choosing how you show up in what is.  

By the way, Mom’s leg is much better, my friend is now cancer-free and the turmoil in my personal life has subsided!  I still miss my dog, I probably always will – and that’s ok.

We all get stuck sometimes.  And, we can all use some help getting unstuck, click here to schedule a free, 30-minute discovery session.  

(< 3 minute read time)

It’s that time of year…. The time where we spring the clocks ahead, plan some fun for Spring break, and perhaps begin thinking about Spring Cleaning.     

I wish I was better at Spring Cleaning than I am.  I love the results of it but often the problem for me is getting started.  

It usually starts something like this in my mind;

Me:  We should probably do some spring cleaning around here.  

My mind:  Yeah, but cleaning isn’t fun.  Plus, it takes a lot of energy.  Wouldn’t it be better to lounge in cozies on the couch?

Me:  You’re right – what was I thinking?  I’ll go get us a snack.

I have since learned that I do not have to listen to every idea my mind serves up.  I can observe the thoughts and then make a conscious choice.

For most of us, the area that really needs the most attention this Spring is our mind. We have gotten into “thinking habits”. And, boy does the brain love habits. Habits equal efficiency.  Habits equal less energy expenditure.

Habits are simply behaviors we have delegated to our lower brain.   

My challenge, and yours, is to not rely on the delegations we made long ago.  Instead, we need to take them all out, dust them off and decide if they are serving us today. Kind of like cleaning out a closet. Here’s how:

1. Pull all the “stuff” out of the closet: Ask yourself to notice the results you currently have in key areas of your life:  Work, Family, Diet, Exercise, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual Health.  Write it down.
2. Decide what goes back in:  You may be quite pleased with the results you notice.  Keep doing what you are doing in those areas and just pop these habits back in the closet.
3. Demonstrate constraint:  You may find there are multiple areas where there is a gap between your desired and current states.  That’s ok! Not a one of us on this planet actually has it all together (despite what Facebook might lead us to believe).  At this point, you might feel like you want to tackle all of the gaps you have found. Or, you might want to make the whole mess disappear and take on none them.  Demonstrate constraint and just pick one priority to focus on now. Set the rest aside.
4. Upcycle to the new:  Now that you have selected an area to focus on it’s time to get busy on creating the new results you really want!  The good news is you made it this far in the process – trust me my friend, that is way more than half the battle. Ask yourself what is the specific result you would like to have for the area you selected?  Be specific and set a timeline so you can track your progress (To be specific think: salary, number on the scale, frequency of family nights per month, or amount of workouts per week etc.). Then, visit this post for step-by-step action plan to make the desired results inevitable!           

Happy Spring Cleaning of the Mind!

Cleaning is always more fun with company.  Let me help, click here to schedule a free, 30-minute coaching session.

(2 minute read time)

It does not matter if we are deciding on something as simple as starting a new hobby, or something big like changing our career. The moment we consider something new the brain goes into protection mode.

It might sound like:

“I don’t really have time for that, things are fine just the way they are”.  

“I just don’t know if I will enjoy it”

“It could turn out worse than how things are right now”  

It’s a little voice, it’s often quiet but it’s always powerful.

It can be very easy to simply obey it.  

When we obey it, we end up settling for the status quo.  We recycle the same life. We stay comfortable.

Amazing success is rarely found in comfort.  

We can live by design or by default.  

I had a client who is wavering between two part-time jobs.  He just couldn’t decide which he would like more.

It’s not as though his choice is similar to some game show where you have to choose a prize that’s hidden behind doors. Pick the right door and you get an amazing prize, but pick the wrong one and wah-wah-wahhhhh….

The truth is he can be happy, successful and fulfilled in either position.  It is not the job that brings happiness, success, and meaning. In just about any job on the planet, you will find some of the people doing the job that are happy to do it and others who are not. Therefore, it cannot be the job that creates a positive or negative experience.

I have challenged him (and you too, if you are at a decision point) to consider the following:

• If you knew you would be successful no matter what – which would you choose?
• What if you just saw both options as blank canvases?  Canvases just waiting for you to paint the picture any way you want?     
• Which do you want to do just because you want to do it?  

Not making a decision is actually a decision.  It’s a decision to stay confused. It’s a decision to stay safe and comfortable.     

As far as I know, we get one spin on this planet – let’s make it an amazing one.  

Is it time to finally make some decisions?  I can help, click here to schedule a free, 30-minute coaching session.

(2 minute read time)

Those of you who know me might know that I dabble in running.  I am by no means a marathon runner but I am much better than when I first started out.  

When I first started out I did the C25k – that’s “Couch to 5k” if you’re not familiar with it.  Basically, it takes someone who does not run at all and provides a training program that, when followed, will get the user to be able to run 5k in just a few months.  

Like any goal, it takes drive, desire, commitment to complete.  It takes perseverance to follow through on the plan, especially when motivation is missing.  

Perseverance sounds like one of those pretty emotions.  We admire those with it.

But I want you to think about perseverance for a minute.  It’s defined as “continuing in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success”.  

So the evidence is stacked against you and you are moving forward anyway?  That usually does not feel great.

When I started running I had no evidence to believe I could run a 5K.   As I began training I picked up lots of evidence against success – shin splints, runner’s knee, and other undesirable aches and pains.  

You may have zero evidence pointing to success.  You may have lots of evidence pointing to failure.  The good news is you can still use your higher brain, your pre-frontal cortex, to generate forward momentum despite the evidence.  You can create perseverance.

How?  By feeling on purpose.     

Feeling on purpose is important because it is our feelings that fuel every single action we take.  If we feel confident, we take bold actions. If we feel meek, we don’t.

Most of us think that our emotions just happen to us and we just have to deal with whatever feeling showed up for the day.   

The truth is emotions come from thoughts.  We can actually think our way through to the finish line.  It doesn’t have to feel great. But it does help tremendously if it’s intentional.

Need some help generating the emotion that’s going to get you to your dreams?  I can help. Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session.    

(<2 minute read time)

“I’m just not good with numbers”
“Public speaking makes me nervous”
“Interviews are intimidating”

These seem like innocent, truthful observations any normal person might have.                 

They’re not.

They’re beliefs.

Beliefs are just thoughts we repeatedly think.  After a while, they become true and real to us in our minds.     

Beliefs are so important because they guide how we show up in the world and ultimately, beliefs determine our results.  

Often, we’ve just been thinking them for so long we do not question them.  An unexamined belief can be detrimental.

Here are three steps to ensure your beliefs are working for you and not against you.   

1. Get Curious:  What do you believe about yourself? Your life? The people in your life? Your past? Your future?
2. Decide:  Do you like your answers to #1?  If not, what would be a better belief to have?  Make the new belief a believable one. If the desired belief is too far of a leap from the current one, this won’t work.  You can take baby steps towards it though. Ladder thoughts can help.
3. Practice: It’s not likely you’ll just decide on a new belief and then it becomes real to you.  Like anything new, it requires practice. Watch for the old one to show up (it will) and use that as a cue to practice the new.  Write the new one. Post it somewhere visible.

When we believe something over and over it becomes our reality.  Make sure you are creating the reality you truly desire.    

Are your beliefs intentional?  Are they serving you? I can help.  Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session.