Month: February 2019

(2 minute read time)

If you have been reading any of my work you know I am a big proponent of thinking on purpose.  Studies show humans have an average of 70,000 thoughts per day. Often we just accept them as truth, no questions asked.

We often talk to ourselves far more harshly than we ever would consider speaking to one of our employees, friends or family members.    

And, it’s not just limited to our self-talk.  We also have some super unhelpful thoughts about the people and situations in our lives.  

It is often unrealistic to go from trash talking to thinking positively about ourselves, others and/or our circumstances.  

When I work with my clients on their thoughts we do not try to find some goofy affirmation and “fake it ‘til we make it”.  Instead, we examine what is going on that’s factual and then pick a BELIEVABLE thought about it.

For example, imagine having a “problem” employee.  We will call her Jane. You might be thinking “She is just so negative”.  While that may feel believable and true, thinking it has no upside.

Transforming that thought to “She’s amazing and I am so lucky to have her on my team” feels like malarkey.  

I introduce to you, ladder thoughts.  

A ladder thought is a stepping stone from what you are thinking to what you want to be thinking.  

In the case of the “problem” employee it might sound something like:

“I am open to the idea that Jane and I can work this out”   

“I am considering the possibility that Jane has great potential”

“It is possible that there is another way I can look at this situation with Jane”   

Ladder thoughts give us options.  Would you like to explore some with me?  Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session.    

P.S.  – Ladder thoughts work best when you know what you are currently thinking.  Read this post for a quick, easy way to uncover your current thoughts.  

(< 3 minute read time)

Oh how I need this topic today!

I sat here with a blank page and thought about what to write.  I wanted it to be compelling, inspiring, creative, helpful, meaningful.  I wanted it to be perfect. Then the gremlins in my mind started talking, telling me that it really was not possible for little ol’ me to deliver something that was all of those things. Telling me that even trying would be hard, it would take a lot of time and effort.

And then, I decided not to listen to that nonsense.  I recalled Brene Brown calling herself “an aspiring good-enough-ist”.  I recall my coach saying “Do B- work and move on”.

There have been many times in my life when I tried to strive for “perfect” over “good enough” – as a leader, with my co-workers, friends, family, even strangers.  I know I am not alone here. I don’t suffer from perfectionistic tendencies much anymore, but obviously, as I sat with my blank page it’s clear that I am not cured!

Why?  Why do we strive for “perfect”?

I believe in most cases the driver of perfectionism is an attempt to manage other people’s opinions.  

It can be sneaky and subconscious, we may not even realize what we are doing.  For me, it sounded like this: “If I write an amazing post, people will value me and my work more”.  

I see this in my clients lives too.  They want to be the perfect leader, parent, employee, spouse, friend.  In the process of striving for perfection, they reject the real, authentic, genuine version of themselves.  They believe that something is wrong with them. They resist the fact that they, like all of us, are imperfect.  

When we go out of our way to please people in order to be liked or validated, we are not showing up as our true self.  Instead, we are showing up as some version of ourselves that we think will make someone else like us.  The real kick in the pants is that anything we produce from a perfectionist mindset can’t be perfect because it is not authentic.             

It is possible to circumvent all of this unnecessary mental drama.  It is possible to be perfectly imperfect. Here are some important lessons I have learned that I needed to remind myself of:  

• I value me and my work enough for both of us!    
• What I think about me is far more important than what others think about me.  
• If someone does not care for me or my work, it is not about me, it’s about them and their preferences.

As the saying goes “You can be the juiciest peach in the world and there’s always going to be someone who doesn’t like peaches”.  It’s not about the peach.

Want to join me in aspiring for “good enough”?  Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session with me.     

(2 minute read time)

Picture it.  You’ve got this thing to do and you just don’t feel like doing it.  In fact, you’d rather do anything but. Maybe it’s going to the gym.  Maybe it’s writing a performance review. Maybe it’s doing your taxes.

This has happened to me a lot since becoming an entrepreneur.  I’m having to learn to do lots of new things. Things that are not in my zone of genius.  Things I think will be hard and not fun.

Whenever my brain whines at me “But I don’t wanna…” and I listen to it and decide not to do whatever it is, I usually regret it.

There are two ways I have found to overcome the “I don’t wanna’s”

The first option is to create motivation.  You might be thinking “What the what?  Create motivation?? How?”. I am glad you asked.  Here’s the deal. All feelings come from thoughts.

When I am feeling apathetic about a task it’s BECAUSE I am thinking I don’t want to do it, or that it will be hard, or boring.  

Since we all get to think anything we want we can replace the “I don’t wanna…” with a thought that generates more enthusiasm. But, for this to work, the new thought must be believable.

For instance, I am about to get started on my 2018 tax prep. It’s the first year I am doing this as a business owner. Yikes right?  Nope. Instead, I am choosing to think “It’s possible that this won’t be as complicated as I think”.  Now my brain wants to go find out whether it is or not. Boom! I have motivation.

The second option is to allow the apathy but not give into it. You can simultaneously not want to do something and do it anyway. Who knew?? When the planets align and I have a task I feel like doing that’s great.  But, it is entirely permissible to have a task I don’t feel like doing and do it just because I told myself I would.

Sometimes we just have to acknowledge that inspiration and motivation are a bonus, not a requirement.

Stop doing what you feel like doing at the moment and start doing what will lead you to create the life you have always wanted.    

Get some motivation in just 30 minutes: click here to schedule a free coaching session.   

(<2 minute read time)  

My clients are achieving some big goals. They are accomplishing what once felt impossible. They are making their dreams come true.

They feel great.  I feel great.

But, before we ever even set a goal we talk about WHY we are setting it.  

Most of us think that once we achieve a goal we will be happy.  Once I get that promotion, find the spouse of my dreams, get my degree, complete that project, make more money…. THEN I will be happy.  

It’s just not true.  

How do I know this?  Because, I’m willing to bet you have accomplished goals in the past.  If completing goals equated to happiness we’d all be happy.  

“I will be happy when _________” really means “What I am doing now is no good anymore and once I don’t have to do it life will be better”

I have clients with advanced degrees and big jobs – doctors and professors and leaders of all kinds.  When they were working towards their degrees and career goals they were sure life would be better after they achieved them.  It wasn’t.

External things never bring lasting happiness.  Have you ever bought a new car? Remember how exciting it was?  How do you feel about that car now?

You don’t have to achieve a goal to be happy.  Happiness is available to you now.   

Sure, it is great to have goals.  I firmly believe we should continue to grow and evolve. But, don’t give up this moment right here, right now. Enjoy the process of whatever it is you are working on or towards and make THIS moment the best moment.  

If it won’t be better there, make it better here.  I can help show you how. Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session with me.     

(2 minute read time)

Over the holidays I had an opportunity to visit the beautiful Blue Ridge mountains. During my time there we went for a ride to find hiking trails. This required traversing some rather remote, narrow, bumpy mountain roads.  As you can imagine, amenities such as functioning GPS and gas stations were unavailable. This only poses a problem if you need gasoline – which we did. (Let’s set aside the fact that it would have been smart to prepare a little better and just focus on the situation.)

We had all the ingredients for an anxious situation. We also had options.

When anxiety shows up we can opt to resist it – which feels awful. Or, we can change our relationship with it and gain some authority over it.

Anxiety itself is harmless.  It only becomes a problem when we resist it.  

In our personal and professional lives we will meet up with anxiety.  We will run into situations where we could have planned better.  Where the environment is unfamiliar. Where we are not sure what will happen next.

Anxiety is an emotion that serves a purpose.  It is designed to protect us. It got us to the point we are at in our human evolution.  But, it shows up in places where it really is not necessary. Where danger is not imminent.  

So then, the question becomes HOW do I best handle anxiety?  

1. Notice it, name it, watch it – there is a theory called the Observer Effect that basically says the thing being observed changes because it is being observed. While this is really a physics theory, studies have shown it presents itself in many facets of life. We can start to change anxiety just by noticing & observing it!
2. Allow it – Think about the word “allow”.  If I am allowing something, giving it permission to exist, I have authority over it.  This does not make the anxiety go away but it does reduce the negative impacts caused by resisting it.
3. Play the tape out – “If we run out of gas in the mountains _______”.  Identifying the worst-case scenario gives you the opportunity to debunk your fears.
4. Breathe –  I used to teach classes on public speaking, an activity that creates anxiety for many people.  One technique that changed people’s anxiety around public speaking almost immediately, is breathing.  Here are three breathing exercises you can try (I like the 4-7-8).       

We will probably won’t eliminate anxiety but we can change our relationship with it. Remember, anxiety is only a problem if we resist it. It’s just an emotion. It is totally manageable and I can help you do just that.   Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session.    

(2 minute read time)

So Valentine’s Day is around the corner.  I have to be honest, I am not a huge fan.

I prefer to think about love as something that’s just a part of me – my fabric, my DNA. I like to express it frequently versus when prompted to do so by Hallmark.    

Now, some of you might really enjoy Valentine’s Day – and that’s totally cool!  There is nothing wrong with that. What I want to challenge all of you to consider is how much do you give love every other day of the year?  Is “loving” a word you would use to describe yourself?

We don’t think about love in the workplace often.  Maybe we do when there is an in-office romance or perhaps we drop the L-word casually when we say something like “I love my boss/team/job”.      

But can we really love at work?  The good kind, the real kind, the unconditional kind.  

I believe the answer is YES.  Love is not just reserved for our family and those closest to us.  

Love feels awesome.  It’s amazing. Why wouldn’t we want to feel it as frequently as possible???

Here are some of the reasons my clients give me for why they don’t choose love:

• “He’s always in a bad mood”
• “She’s just mean and unlovable”
• “He did a terrible thing, he doesn’t deserve it”
• “I have to do everything around here, if he/she would only try harder…”

We think that if we withhold love then the other person will somehow feel punished.  

Or, we think that if the other person in the equation changes then we can feel love.

Love, like any other emotion, just does not work like that.  

Think about the feeling of frustration.  Imagine you’re working hard on a task and it’s not going as smoothly as you would like.  Someone walks in your office right in the middle of it. Do they immediately feel frustrated?  Not likely.

Feelings don’t just leap out of us and into those around us.  Feelings don’t come from other people, they come from thoughts.  

Love is always an option.  And when you choose it, you benefit.  You get to feel the awesomeness of love.

I was working with a client who was convinced he hated his boss.  He was attached to the belief that his boss was just a “bad person”.  Every day he would choose to hate his boss. The boss did not feel the hate.  My client felt it though. Not only did that feel awful for my client but it also influenced his performance – negatively of course.    

When we manage our minds we can get to the place where we choose love for our own sake.  We get to feel love because we like how it feels. Not because someone “deserves it” or has “earned it”.  

Walk around your workplace today and practice just feeling love for those around you.  You don’t even have to say a word. Just try it for one whole day and see what happens.

Test me on this.  I dare ya. And, if you don’t – it’s ok, I love you anyway.                       

Do you have an unlovable person or situation in your life?  I can help. Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session.    

(2 minute read time)

A client was talking to me about the scary things she would need to do to work towards a promotion.  She was thinking about having a conversation with the head of the department to express her interest.  She said she was nervous about doing that. I asked her why. She said that the head of the department was a powerful person and “seemed like she has it all together”.  It was intimidating to my client.

She then shared that it seemed to her that I had it “all together” too.  

I nearly spit out my coffee.  

Me??  Have it all together???

So funny.  

Here’s the deal….

My clients and I are going after big goals.  We are chasing our dreams. And I have learned that this very rarely feels like rainbows and daisies.  

We have this idea that if we are going after our dreams, doing what we think we are meant to do, then everything will feel “right”.  

It doesn’t.  It’s still uncomfortable. There’s still self-doubt.   

Discomfort and doubt are not good enough reasons to stay put.  

At the end of the day going for our goals, dreams and heart’s desires is uncomfortable.  NOT going after them is also uncomfortable. Perhaps even more so.

If there is going to be discomfort either way, I choose the version that is moving more towards fulfilling my potential.  

The path to realizing our dreams is paved with doubt.  My coach tells me if my goals don’t scare me then that means they are not big enough.  With that lens, self-doubt is NOT a sign to retreat, it’s a sign that we are doing it right.

The magic happens when we doubt the doubt.  Only then do we have the raw material to overcome them.

Let me help you navigate the self-doubt.  Together we can get to your next.

Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session.    

(1 minute read time)

Root Canal.

Jury duty.

Middle seat of an airplane.

Vegan dinner party with beet loaf.

These are some of the floors Jason Bateman, the elevator operator in the Hyundai ad, stopped at in the hilarious Super Bowl Halftime commercial.  We all laughed because we often think of these things as negative too.

Think of the last time you had day that was hard, tough or difficult.  

You know what made it difficult?  

I promise you it was not the root canal, the jury duty, the seat on the airplane or even the beet loaf (which by the way is actually a thing!).  

What made it a hard day was your thoughts about those things.  

A day is just a day.  It cannot be “hard” or difficult” without your mind.  

When we reflect on our day and determine it was “tough” we are omitting all of the things that were great.  I do not know the details of your day so far today but I know for sure, if you looked, you could find both good and bad, easy and hard.  

You get to tell whichever version of the story you want.  Pick the version that serves you.

Our mind is what that makes a day “hard”, it’s also the very thing that makes it “great”.     

It is all about managing your mind and thinking on purpose.

You may still decide to think that getting a root canal is “hard”.  But, you can follow that up with “And, I’m willing to do hard things”.

The contrast of good and bad, easy and hard will always be there.  I can help you maneuver through it all. Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session.

(3 minute read time)

The corporate world can be a competitive environment.  We often think in order to get ahead of “the competition” we have to be very talented and we have to spend a lot of time applying that talent.  

Sure, it takes effort.  But it doesn’t have to be the fierce competition you might be making it.      

What comes up for you when you think of being a “competitive” person?  

Some of my clients are fueled to take positive action by it.  Some of them just feel drained by it, it feels like a rat-race.

What’s the difference between these people?  Why do some people experience the same emotion in such different ways?

The answer lies in the difference between an abundant and a scarcity mindset.  Here’s an example.

John is up for a promotion.  He compares himself to the “competition” and thinks if someone other than him got it, it would be terrible.  He is doubtful because he has been here before and did not get it. Behind this thought is the classic scarcity mindset. It’s an assumption that there are not enough promotions to go around.     

That’s. Just. Not. True.  

If John really wanted a promotion it’s completely possible.  He could make it happen.

So can you.  A quick search on Indeed will often reveal hundreds (if not 1000’s) of positions in your desired field, at the desired level, in a desired location.  In addition, I have seen corporations create positions that at one time did not exist – just to keep the talent within the company. I have seen positions created because an employee demonstrated there’s a need and demonstrated the ability to fill that need.  

Our minds often limit ourselves to the immediate, obvious possibilities.      

Let’s look at a different example.  Theresa is up for a promotion. She knows that if she does not get it this time she will get it in the future.  She has faith in her leaders to select the best person for the job and believes they will make the right decision – even if the decision was to not promote her.  Theresa has faith in her capabilities and is committed to doing whatever it takes, for as long as it takes. She is committed to taking Massive Action until she gets the result she wants.  She has an abundant mindset. She is driven to continually beat her own results, to out-do what she has done in the past, to raise the bar of what’s possible for her.

The reason why most of us do not have the results we want is NOT because of a lack of time or talent.  

The real reason is our mindset.  

John is in competition with others.  Theresa is in competition with herself.  

John thinks the options are limited.  Theresa thinks the options are limitless.  

John thinks “if”.  Theresa thinks “when”.  

John thinks if someone else wins he lost.  Theresa thinks other people’s wins are inspirational, it means the desired result is possible.

Shed the idea that it’s all about time and talent.  Let me help. Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session.    

(2 minute read time)

Several years ago I agreed to make the party favors for my sister’s birthday party.  I’m not really a crafty person and I did not realize there would be 40 people in attendance.  I ended up having to sew 50+ burlap bags, adorn them with hand cut appliques, and fill them with goodies.  

The initial bags required my full attention and took about an hour each.  By the time I neared the end I was able to complete a bag in about 20 minutes and watch TV while I did it.  

I was able to increase my efficiency and reduce the attention required through repetition.  My brain got good at the task.

At this point in your adult life, your brain has delegated conscious acknowledgment of many activities.  And that’s a good thing, we do not want to walk down the street thinking “Pick right leg up, put right leg down”.  We want to increase efficiency at things that we have figured out how to do well.

I want you to think of your brain like an employee.  Like most employees, our brains just want to do a good job.  The problem is we rarely tell it exactly what we want it to do.  Your brain doesn’t really care if it thinks negative or positive thoughts. It’s just a thinker.  If it’s been told a lot of negative things its whole life, that’s what it knows how to do really well.   

Too often, we delegate conscious awareness to things that really need our attention.  As a result, our brain becomes very good at whatever it repeats – for better or for worse.

You can make your brain’s drive for efficiency work for you instead of against you if you take the time to manage it.  It will do what it’s told to do.

As leaders, we are responsible for managing our employees.  We use our brains to do this. But are we managing the most important, VIP employee we have?  Are we managing our brains?

There are several ways to do this but the easiest starting point is awareness.  I recommend each of my clients take 5-10 minutes a day to write out everything they are thinking.  

The next, critical step is to recognize that every single thought is optional.  Pick one or two thoughts from what you wrote and ask yourself a few questions:

• Am I thinking this on purpose?
• Do I like this thought? Do I want to keep it?
• What else might I want to think instead?

Think of it like cleaning out a closet.  First, you pull everything out. Then, you decide what you want to keep and what you don’t.    

Speaking of closets… I went into mine and found one of those bags I made – here’s a picture 🙂

Want to see how thinking on purpose can serve you?  Click here to schedule a free 30-minute coaching session.